I really enjoy cooking, and living in a city with such a large population of immigrants and student visas allows me the opportunity to introduce foreigners to American and western foods they haven’t tried yet.

I’ve made friends with a young Chinese woman who is going to be coming to my house to have dinner with some of my friends. I’m still planning out the menu so I am showing her some pictures of foods I’ve cooked in the past to see if she has any preferences for what she’d like to try.

I bring up a picture of ravioli in marinara sauce. My friend gets a look of recognition on her face but seems to be struggling to find the right words.

Friend: “Oh, oh! You made the… um… it is spaghetti but it is pillows.”

Me: *Chuckling* “Yes, but we sometimes call them ravioli.”

Friend: *Smiling* “Oh! Ravioli… I want that.”

The three-cheese ravioli were a hit that weekend.

A customer is ordering printed programs for an event next week. As it is a large order, policy states we provide a quote and have the quote approved before production begins.

Me: “Okay, sir, looks like your total for all 200 books is going to be $350 before sales tax.”

Customer: “What?! $350?! I ordered 100 of these at [Our Other Location] and only paid something like $170!”

I pull out a calculator for the customer to view.

Me: “Yes, and $170 multiplied by two is $340.”

Customer’s Wife: “What are you whining about?! It’s exactly what it should be!” *To me* “Go ahead and print, please. Thank you so much!”

I’m working at the service desk when a customer walks up and sets down an Uninterruptible Power Supply, a type of surge protector that holds a small charge so your electronics don’t instantly shut off during a blackout.

Me: “What can I do for you, ma’am?”

Customer: “Hi. I bought this thing two weeks ago, and it barely worked at all, so I’d like to get a refund.”

She presents a receipt.

Me: “Of course. May I ask exactly what went wrong?”

Customer: “The power went out last night while I was playing a game on my computer. I figured the thing would last a few hours at least, so ignored it and kept playing. Then, my computer died like twenty minutes later! I think I got a faulty system.”

I take a second to carefully consider my words so I won’t come off as condescending.

Me: “Ah, I get it. Sorry, ma’am, but the UPS isn’t designed to hold such a big charge for a very long time; something as powerful as a computer will drain it rather quickly.”

Customer: *Frustrated* “Why not? What’s the point of having a UPS that’s only good for a few minutes?”

Me: “It’s to give you enough time to safely shut down your system, preventing data corruption.”

She gawked at me for a moment, facepalmed, and then grumbled an apology before walking away with her UPS, red with embarrassment. At least I was able to teach her something new!

A customer asks me to make a total of thirteen copies for her. After sales tax, her total comes out to $1.41. I tell her the total, and the woman starts digging change out of her purse.

Customer: “Hold on, I know I have it in here. Ha! My purse is going to be so much lighter now!”

As this is common, I smile and patiently wait for the customer to count her change.

Customer: “Well, here’s what I have on me. I still owe you 40 cents.”

The customer yells across the store at her daughter.

Customer: “Hey, [Daughter]! You got any change?”

Daughter: “I’ll run out to the car and look!”

By now, there’s a line forming behind this woman. I inform them that we won’t be much longer and apologize for the wait. The customer is still digging through her purse.

Customer: “I guess this wasn’t the purse with all my change in it!”

After a few minutes, the daughter returns.

Daughter: “There wasn’t anything in the car.”

The customer produces several pennies.

Customer: “Oh, look! Seventeen more cents! Now I just owe you 23 cents!”

She rummages around in her purse some more, while her daughter complains about how expensive our copies are. I’m trying not to look irritated, and I call for another associate to assist the folks in line behind these two.

Customer: “Man! I didn’t bring enough cash! I’m going to have to give you two of these copies back.”

She hands me two pages, I deduct the appropriate amount at the register, and I notice she’s still one cent short. But rather than go through this ordeal again, I run the transaction through and get a penny later. The customer and her daughter leave, and I overhear them talking on their way out.

Customer: “Well, I can just come back tomorrow and print more stuff! I didn’t want to have to use my debit card for $1.41!”

A customer wants to make a payment over the phone.

Me: “Are you using a card or a bank account?”

Customer: “I have a card I’d like to use.”

Me: “And do you have an email that I can send the confirmation to when we’re finished?”

Customer: “Can you give it to me orally?”

I had to mute the speaker because I burst out laughing and instantly thought, “That’s what she said!”