(I’m visiting my doctor for a checkup following a surgery to remove an early-stage cancerous tumor. When the checkup is finished, the physician asks me if I have any other questions or concerns.)

Me: “Well, actually, I’m worried about [hormonal disorder]. I’ve a fam—”

Doctor: *cutting me off* “You don’t have that.”

Me: “What? My mother has this disorder, my sister has just recently been diagnosed, and we’re fairly certain my grandmother had it, too. Plus, I noticed—”

Doctor: “You don’t have that. If you did, we’d be seeing [other, unrelated symptom], and we’re not. So, you don’t have it. Anything else you want to ask me about?”

(Irritated, I told the doctor that I didn’t have any more questions, and left. I ended up contacting a different doctor for a second opinion. The new doctor asked me about my symptoms and medical history, and then immediately sent me for diagnostic tests. It turns out that I DO have the disorder, and a fairly severe case, too! She couldn’t believe it when I told her that my usual doctor wouldn’t even look into my concerns, when all of my symptoms and history pointed to this disorder. It just goes to show you the value of getting a second opinion, and that it’s okay to “fire” your physician if they aren’t doing a good job!)

(I work as a technician, fixing video games, computers, and phones. A customer comes in with a laptop that needs its track-pad reconnected. He gives me the computer, but no power cord.)

Me: “Sir, do you have the power adapter for this?”

Customer: “Oh, sure.” *hands me a wireless mouse*

Me: “Not quite…”

(I’m the manager of a small copy center, which is part of a larger store. The store manager refuses to pay more than minimum wage for the work that needs doing in my department, and therefore, our only applicants for open positions are the sorts of people who have never used any of the print machinery before and are just in need of any old job they can get. We go through employees like crazy, because none of them can seem to learn everything that’s needed to work effectively in the department. Customers complain, important and high-dollar print orders are ruined, turn-around times or prices are botched, we’re left bending over backwards to make the problems right with the customers, and the new hires are let go. Rinse, and repeat. The most recent new hire takes the cake…)

Me: “Okay, [New Hire]. I need to go take my lunch break really quick. All I need you to do is take the packages out of THIS box, and put them into THIS cabinet.”

(Note that I have put the box beside the indicated cabinet, and I have showed her both the box and the cabinet she needs to put things into. It’s a super simple task, but having the new hire handle it will help her familiarize herself with how we handle delivered supplies, and where this particular product belongs in the shop. I ask the new hire if she’s okay if I leave for lunch. She says, “Yep!” and off I go to my lunch. Thirty minutes later, when I return, the box is still sitting where I left it, full.)

Me: “Uh, [New Hire], was the department busy while I was away?”

New Hire: “No.”

Me: “So… what happened to putting the packages into the cabinet?”

New Hire: “…I wasn’t sure what you wanted me to do.”

(After a couple more attempts at explaining, I actually had to take a ream of paper from the box, open the cabinet, and put it on the shelf before she grasped what I meant. And this gal was a high school graduate who had just started college!)

(The office supply company I work for has just initiated a new policy: do whatever it takes to make a customer happy. They’re not joking on the “whatever it takes” part. They’ve told us to accept returns on items from other companies, items which are months or years past the return cut-off, and so on. Corporate thinks that it will improve customer satisfaction overall, but all it’s done thus far is make it easier for thieves and con artists to get what they want from our stores, and for people to take advantage of the employees. One day, two women come in and drop a paper shredder on my counter.)

Customer #1: “We just bought this last week and it’s already broken!”

Me: “Oh, no! Let me take a look at it. Did you bring your receipt with you?”

Customer #2: “No, no one told us we had to do that!”

Me: “It’s fine; we can look it up in the system.”

(I pull the unboxed shredder over and take a look, and my eyebrows shoot up. This thing’s been beaten all to h***. It’s scratched up, the company logo is nearly worn off, and it looks like someone’s been at the outside of it with a key or screwdriver. There are gouges all over it. When I plug it in to test it, it won’t even turn on. Not only that, but I notice that it’s not a model we even carry any longer.)

Me: “You bought this last week, you say?”

Customers #1 & #2: “YES!”

Me: “Wow! It’s in such poor shape, I’m sorry we sold it to you in this condition! Let me just go get my manager and we’ll take care of this for you.”

(I let the manager know what’s up. He sighs, because even though we both know they didn’t purchase that shredder a week ago, and they’ve clearly broken it themselves, according to the new policy we have to process the exchange without a word. The store manager takes the shredder and dumps it into the “damaged and defective” cart to be taken into the back, and gives these ladies a brand new shredder FOR FREE. They walk out, smug expressions on their face.)

Me: “They’ve clearly had that thing for months. I couldn’t find their receipt in the system, AND there’s a nickel jammed into the paper slot.”

Store Manager: “I know… but policy is policy. And when MY boss asks me why I had to give away a free shredder, I’ll be sure to let him know exactly what happened.”

(I’m babysitting my nephews. We’re sitting at the table coloring on paper. I like to ask them questions, talk about their day, etc. and I decide to bring up the age-old question:)

Me: “So, [Eldest Nephew], what do you want to be when you grow up?”

Eldest Nephew: “I’m going to be a GIANT bird, and I’m going to take over the whole earth!”

(He’s only six and his life goal is world domination. Yikes!)