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The Force Is Strong In This One

, , , , , | Right | May 14, 2009

Customer: “Hello, I would like to return this item.”

Me: “Okay, what was the problem?”

Customer: “I just don’t need it anymore.”

Me: “Okay, do you have the receipt?”

Customer: “Yes, here it is.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t return this. It’s from six months ago.”

Customer: “Yes you can…” *waves hands in the air*

Me: “I’m sorry, no I can’t. I would get in a lot of trouble.”

Customer: “No you won’t…” *waves hands in the air again*

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I’m not going to do that.”

Customer: *turns and leaves*

Me: *to coworker* “Did I just get Jedi mind-tricked?”

Imaginary Return, Imaginary Refund

, , , , | Right | March 30, 2009

(A woman comes into our hardware store with an empty pot.)

Customer: “Hi, how are you? I’d like to make a return.”

Me: “Sure, what would you like to return today?”

Customer: “I need to return this plant.” *holds up empty pot*

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you only have the pot there.”

Customer: “Yeah, I know.”

Me: “Well, you need to have the plant to return it.”

Customer: “But I’ve already planted it!”

I Can Thieve Clearly Now

, , , , | Right | March 25, 2009

Customer: “I need to bring back these reading glasses. They’re broken.”

Me: “Okay, do you have the receipt for them?”

(The customer hands me a receipt from nine months earlier.)

Me: “This receipt is a little past our thirty-day return policy. May I have a look at the glasses?”

Customer: “Yeah, well, they’re clearly broken, and I never used them, so you need to make an exception for me.”

(I see that the glasses have clearly had the packaging removed and haphazardly put back on. They also have grease marks all over the lenses.)

Me: “Okay, well, I can’t take these back for a number of reasons: They were bought nine months ago, we don’t carry this style anymore, and they have been clearly opened and used.”

Customer: “No, they’re not used! You can’t get that package back on them!”

Me: “It’s tricky, but you can get it back on. I’ve had to re-package them on a few occasions.”

Customer: “NO, YOU CAN’T! I HAD A HARD ENOUGH TIME GETTING THE PACKAGE OFF!”

Me: “…”

(The customer realized what they just said, then turned and sheepishly walked out.)

An Unsalvageable Lie

, , , , | Right | March 23, 2009

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return this. *hands me a metal, foot-operated garbage bin*

Me: “Sure. I’ll need the receipt, please.”

Customer: “I don’t have it.”

Me: “Okay, is there any reason why you’re returning it?”

Customer: “Yeah, my wife didn’t want it.”

Me: “Did you use it?”

Customer: “No.”

(I open it to find an old dirty sock.)

Me: “Sir, I can’t take this. There’s a dirty sock in there.”

Customer: “That was already in there.”

Me: “…”

Live Culture Club

, , , , | Right | March 18, 2009

(A man walks up to the service desk and wants to return his yogurt.)

Me: “Sure, is it expired?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Did you just need a different flavor or something?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “All right, what’s the reason for returning it?”

Customer: *shakes the yogurt* “Listen to that!” *shakes it again near my ear* “Doesn’t sound right!”

Me: “I see…”

Customer: “Yogurt shouldn’t sound like that.”