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All Signs Point To Duh

, , , , , , , , | Right | November 5, 2008

Customer: “I bought these games yesterday, and I don’t want them. I want my money back.”

Me: “Sorry, but I can’t give you cashback. I can exchange them for credit so you can choose something else.”

Customer: “I was not told that when I bought them.”

Me: “Yeah, sorry… but we do have signs up.” *I point to two of these signs*

Customer: “Well, I’m illiterate, so I couldn’t know! Now give me my f****** money!”

Me: “As I said, I am sorry, but I can only do it as credit.”

Customer: “But, there was no way I could know that when I bought them! I’m illiterate!”

Me: “Well, there was no way we could know that when you bought them. Perhaps you could get a sign?”


This story is part of the Customers-Ignoring-Signs roundup!

Read the next Customers-Ignoring-Signs roundup story!

Read the Customers-Ignoring-Signs roundup!

Same Disgusting Difference

, , , , | Right | October 13, 2008

Customer: “I need to return these bladder control pads. They won’t work for me.”

Me: “Sorry, you can no longer return anything of that nature to this store.”

Customer: “Why?!”

Me: “Not only has it been opened, but you used a pad and put it back in the package.”

Customer: “I didn’t use it! I only tried it on!”

Even Managers Have A Stupid Quota

, , , , , , | Right | October 8, 2008

(A young, angry-looking woman is standing at the pharmacy counter with a small pile of white sticks.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, these pregnancy tests are all faulty. I want a refund.”

Me: “Okay. So, what happened? Were they broken or missing pieces?”

Customer: “No, they keep saying positive. I’m not pregnant.”

Me: “Um… okay. So, if you’re not pregnant, then why get the tests?”

Customer: “Get your manager!”

Me: *gets manager*

Manager: “What’s the problem?”

(I wander off at this point, called into the vitamins section. When I come back, security is taking the woman out of the store.)

Me: “What the…?”

Manager: “Twit. She just wanted her money back. I hope she has twins that cause a LOT of pain and are ugly. REAL ugly… and poop a lot!”

Iraq, Land Of Crappy Return Policies

, , , | Right | August 22, 2008

Customer: “Hi, I wanted to return this set of knives and your cashier wouldn’t let me.”

Me: “When was the original date of purchase, ma’am?”

(She hands me a receipt.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry ma’am. Since you bought these over 60 days ago, we won’t be able to refund your money.”

Customer: “But I don’t want them anymore. Just take them back and give me my money.”

Me: “I’m not able to do that, ma’am.”

Customer: “But I don’t want the god-d*** knives! Take them!”

Me: “Ma’am, it is not in my power to do a return for you.”

Customer: “Well, then get someone who can, god-d*** it!”

Me: “Ma’am, you don’t understand. After 60 days, the system locks out the transaction. It is in nobody’s power to refund you.”

Customer: “You god-d*** incompetent pieces of s***! I don’t want these f****** knives, and I want you to take them back now!”

Me: “There is nothing I can do to help you, ma’am.”

Customer: “It’s because of f****** fascists like you that we’re at war in Iraq! Do you realize that? THIS IS YOUR FAULT!”

The Only Thing That Didn’t Arrive Is Your Brain

, , , | Right | August 15, 2008

Me: “Hello, I see you opened a PayPal dispute for this item. It looks like your item was delivered, as shown by the delivery confirmation number. ”

Customer: “I would like a refund. This item didn’t arrive in a timely manner.”

Me: “All custom orders, like your ring, are shipped to be received within fourteen business days from the date of purchase. It looks like your item arrived a day or so outside of that timeline. I’m sorry it was delayed in transit, but I’m happy that it wasn’t lost in the mail and did arrive safely! If you have any further questions, I’d be happy to help.”

Customer: “This didn’t arrive in a timely matter. I’d like a refund.”

Me: “If you’d like to return the ring, you can do so within seven days from the date you received your purchase. If you wish to do so, please return the ring to the address on the package, and please include the receipt.”

Customer: “I’d like a refund for this item because it didn’t arrive in a timely manner. I like the ring; I just want a refund.”

Me: “I’d be happy to accept a return on this item. Please send it, as I mentioned above, to the address on the package within the next 7 days.”

Customer: “I like the ring. I just want a refund.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t issue a refund unless you send back the ring.”

Customer: “But it didn’t arrive in a timely manner.”

Me: “I’m very sorry you’re unhappy with the length of time the USPS took to deliver your package. I’m more than happy to issue a refund for your purchase price if you send the ring back to me.”

Customer: “I want to keep the ring, and I want a refund. It didn’t arrive in a timely manner.”

Me: *wants to die*