Angry Old Woman: “Excuse me! I am very upset because you sold my young grandson p*rnography!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t sell p*rnography.”

Angry Old Woman: “Get me the manager, now!”

Manager: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

Angry Old Woman: “Your pervert cashier sold my grandson p*rnography!”

Manager: “Are you sure about that? We don’t sell anything like that here.”

Angry Old Woman: “Do you think I’m stupid? I saw it with my own eyes! It had naked women and he told me he bought it here with no problem!”

Manager: “Could you show me on the shelf what it was?”

(She goes over to the magazines, and points at Maxim.)

Angry Old Woman: “It was this one! See? Right here! Where any child could see!”

Manager: “Ma’am, this magazine is not p*rnography. Granted, the women are scantily clad in a few pictures but they aren’t naked and there is no age restriction on its sale.”

Angry Old Woman: “I know p*rnography when I see it, and this is very offensive. How could you sell it to young children?”

Manager: “Well, actually our store policy dictates that we won’t sell this to a young child even though it is still legal. How old is your grandson?”

Angry Old Woman: “He’s only sixteen!”

Manager: *rolls eyes* “I don’t want to offend your moral beliefs, Ma’am, but if your sixteen year old grandson wants to look at women in bikinis there is no force on earth that is going to stop it. Seriously.”

Angry Old Woman: “The power of Jesus can stop it! The power of Christ should compel you to remove this magazine from your shelves!”

Manager: “Right… Real quick, ma’am, before I get back to work, can I ask you a question? Does your grandson have Internet access?”

Angry Old Woman: “What does that have to do with anything?”

Manager: “A lot, and I think that the power of Christ should compel you to learn how to look up his browser history. Have a good day.”

(I bring a couple and their child place settings and a colouring mat for the six-year-old.)

Me: “Hi, can I get you guys started with something to drink?”

Father: “Sure, I’ll have a Pepsi, and bring me another one of those placemats. I like to colour while I wait.”

Me: *laughs* “You and the boy are going to have a bit of a contest, eh?

(I obviously thought he was making a joke.)

Father: *agitated* “Yeah, is that a problem?”

Me: “Uh, not at all sir… would you like Barney the dinosaur or Spongebob?”

(I was working checkouts the other day when I overheard this happening at the service desk.)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return these outfits.”

Coworker: “All right, may I see your receipt?”

(The customer hands over a receipt dated about seven months ago.)

Coworker: “I’m sorry, we can only accept returns within the first ninety days.”

Customer: “But my child outgrew these! Am I supposed to just lose money on them?”

Coworker: “Ma’am, children do tend to outgrow clothing.”

Customer: “Well, what am I supposed to do with them? Why should I lose money because of this?!”

Coworker: “…”

This story is part of the Embarrassing Parents roundup!

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Read the Embarrassing Parents roundup!

(A pimply, overweight 18-year-old boy dumps a satin black flame-job man thong on the counter.)

Boy: “Uh, can I return this? My mom got it for me.”

This story is part of the Embarrassing Parents roundup!

Read the next Embarrassing Parents roundup story!

Read the Embarrassing Parents roundup!

(I was going to get some milk out of a refrigerator while my coworker was taking an order at the drive-thru. Here is the conversation that took place.)

Coworker: “Okay, please pull up to the window.”

Customer: “IF YOU EVER TALK TO ME LIKE THAT AGAIN I WILL HIT YOU UP SIDE THE HEAD WITH A PAY PHONE!”

Me: *leaning out of the refrigerator* “Did she say…”

Coworker: “…a pay phone?”

(As far as we can guess, her child had said something to her and we just overheard her!)