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Here’s A Tip: Learn About Homophones

, , , , , , , , | Working | December 21, 2023

I work at a farmer’s market. Around Christmas, we sell Christmas trees, and since it gets very busy, we usually hire some seasonal workers, often in high school and not experienced with working.

I am stationed outside with some others, helping tie trees onto car roofs after they are purchased. [Coworker #1] has worked at the market longer than I have, while [Coworker #2] is a brand-new seasonal worker.

Coworker #1: “Hey, you two, just so you know, a couple people have been giving us tips. The manager is okay with it, but she said to be fair, we should probably pool them and split them at the end of the night.”

Me: “Okay, sounds good! Yeah, I’ve been given some, as well.”

At this point, we notice that [Coworker #2] is looking completely baffled.

Coworker #1: “Does that sound good to you, [Coworker #2]?”

Coworker #2: “Uh, yeah, I guess, but… how would we do that?”

At this point, everyone is confused.

Me: “What do you mean, ‘how’? We just divide them evenly.”

Coworker #2: “Okay, but… how do you decide what’s even?”

Coworker #1: “We just count up the money and then divide that by the number of people working. It’s not really that complicated.”

Coworker #2: “Oh! Money! Okay, yeah, that makes sense.”

Me: “Wait. What did you think we were talking about?”

Coworker #2: “I thought customers were giving you advice on how to tie the trees to the cars, and I wasn’t sure how we were going to divide that up.”

Nothing Like A Customer To Squash Your Faith In People

, , , | Right | December 7, 2023

Customer: “Are these the yellow squash?”

A guy asked me this as he pointed at the green zucchini with the zucchini tag in front of it while ignoring the basket of yellow squash to the right.

Another customer pointed at a two-foot-tall rosemary in a pot and asked if it was chives. It also had a sign.

That Request Is Rotten To The Core

, , , | Right | May 15, 2023

I work at a farmer’s market on the weekends in Washington, DC. It’s a pretty standard setup; different vendors come to one location to sell their goods. I work for a farm that sells fruits and vegetables.

My new favorite individual moment happened this past week. We almost never get complaints about the quality of the food, so when a woman came up to me and said she cut into some tomatoes to find that they were rotten, I apologized profusely. Unfortunately, the conversation continued like this.

Shopper: “Well, I just wanted you to know!”

Me: “Please feel free to get new tomatoes. Again, I really do apologize!”

Shopper: “No, no, it’s fine. That’s not why I did that. I just wanted you to know so you could check.”

I hesitated because we put out each tomato by hand and don’t put out ones that are rotten, obviously, because we’re not s***ty at our jobs.

Me: “Oh, okay. Well, before you cut into it, did it look at all like it was rotten?”

Shopper: “Well, it was squishy, but no, there was nothing on the outside.”

I resisted the urge to say, “Squishy like a ripe tomato, maybe?”

Me: “Okay, well…”

Shopper: “Like I said, I just wanted to let you know so that the farmer can check the insides before you can put them out.”

I stared, mouth agape, wondering what tomato X-ray vision she believed we possess to check the tomatoes for only-on-the-inside rottenness.

The Biggest Pest Here Is Not Pesticide

, , , , , , | Right | October 2, 2022

I’m selling strawberries at a farmer’s market. A customer is unsatisfied with the ones she bought yesterday.

Me: “You can have a new box and even taste one before you take it.”

Customer: “Are you stupid? You can get AIDS from eating those without washing them!”

Me: “No, they are not sprayed with anything.”

Customer: “Yes, they are.”

Me: “Are you saying that we spray our strawberries with AIDS?”

Customer: “They are, and I don’t care what you say because I know better.”

Then, she just walked away, leaving me there completely stunned by her ignorance.

She came back the next day telling everyone her husband had gotten AIDS from our strawberries. There was just no getting rid of her. Eventually, she left by herself after about forty minutes.

Don’t You Just Love It When People Make Assumptions?

, , , , , , , , , | Right | CREDIT: carebearninjahair | September 4, 2022

I’m a Hispanic woman with an olive complexion, long black hair, and brown eyes. I’m dressed in a silk blouse, jeans, and red-bottomed heels, having just come from a sales meeting. I am shopping for an Earth Day event for my office at a local farmer’s market nursery in downtown Dallas, so I’m wheeling around a cart full of pots, succulents, mulch, and planting soil. It’s kind of an upscale nursery and frequented by tourists and influencers.

A young Caucasian woman walks up to me and asks me, in broken Spanish:

Woman #1: “On-day pah-gar?”

No biggie, at first. I point to the register area where there are two employees working two registers and a line of about two deep each. She thanks me, again in Spanish, and I think the conversation is over and turn my attention back to the agave plants.

Woman #1: “Ah-blar English-o?”

Me: “Yes, English is my first language.”

She looks surprised and I think she’s probably embarrassed, but then, she asks me:

Woman #1: “Oh, can you ring me up?”

Me: *Politely* “No, ma’am. I don’t work here.”

She does look embarrassed and apologizes.

Later, I set my cart down in an area out of the way since the aisles are pretty narrow and there are potted plant displays, statues, and lawn ornaments I don’t want to risk knocking over. I park the cart and walk about ten feet away to inspect some large urns. I select a couple, and as I’m walking back to my cart, a middle-aged blonde woman is unloading my cart.

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, that’s my stuff!”

She looks at me and continues to unload as I approach her.

Woman #2: “I need this cart.”

I pick up my succulents from the floor and put them back in the cart.

Me: “This one is mine. Go ask an employee for help finding one.”

She looks angry but walks off. I just roll my eyes and think that’s the end of that. I would find it all so comical if it wasn’t so sad. Then, the woman comes back with a very confused-looking manager.

Woman #2: *To the manager* “This woman won’t allow me to use this cart!”

Manager: *To me* “Are you done with the cart, ma’am?”

Me: “No, I’m not.”

Manager: *To the woman* “I can find you another—”

Woman #2: “This place needs to prioritize its customers’ needs over its employees!”

The manager accidentally lets out a snort.

Manager: “She doesn’t work here; she’s shopping, same as you.”

She does NOT appreciate being laughed at and makes a scene, threatening to report the manager’s behavior to the owners. He introduces himself, and it turns out he is actually one of the owners. The woman threatens to take her business elsewhere.

Manager: “There’s a [Home Improvement Retailer] about five miles away.”

The look on her face is priceless.

After she leaves, I’m talking to the owner about the succulents and how best to arrange them when, twice, and without apology, people interrupt us asking for help. Each time, the owner tells them:

Manager: “I’m with a customer, but [Employee] can help you.”

And each time, they looked surprised or taken aback.

I’ve lived in this area for over four decades and have worked in this area for over two decades. It’s always this way.