(My dog recently passed away, and I decide to get a tattoo of him on the inside of my arm. I show the artist a picture and he starts drawing the design on my arm with a marker. Just as he is getting the ink ready, I notice something is a little off.)

Me: “Excuse me. You did this upside-down.”

(The head is near my elbow and the bottom is near my wrist.)

Artist: “No, I didn’t.”

Me: “I wanted it to start at my wrist.”

Artist: “But then it would look upside-down.”

Me: “I want it there, so I can look at it, and so that I can show it off to my friends, like this.” *I flip my arm over*

Artist: “But everyone else will think it’s upside-down.”

Me: “I don’t think anyone will be able to get a good look at that part of my arm under normal circumstances.”

Artist: “Fine.” *he redraws my tattoo facing the right direction* “It’s going to look like this forever; are you sure you don’t want it the other way?”

Me: “This is good.”

Artist: “Okay. I hope you like your upside-down tattoo.”

(I volunteer for a local channel that films activities happening in the community. We are currently filming a local Italian cooking talent show. As we are working long hours, the channel provides us with free lunch. When the production assistant comes around to ask about what kind of pizza we want, I say I’m kosher and to not get a meat pizza. The pizza arrives, and as I’m in line for a slice the PA comes over and hands me a salad.)

Me: “Oh, sorry, this must be for someone else.”

PA: “You aren’t vegetarian?”

Me: “No. I’m kosher.”

PA: “Oh, I thought they were the same.”

(To not embarrass the PA, I take the salad. A little while later a camera woman approaches me.)

Camera Woman: “Hey, I heard you’re vegetarian, too!” *shows me her salad*

Me: “Oh, I’m not vegetarian; I’m kosher. There was just a mix up with the PA.”

(Again… while we’re setting up lighting:)

Director: “Hey, [My Name], when did you become vegetarian?”

(I wasn’t really mad; I just found it so funny that me being “vegetarian” was the gossip on set. We all need a break from one another; clearly we are too involved in each other’s lives.)

(I’m the weird one here. I’m speaking to my doctor about getting caught up on my vaccines.)

Doctor: “So, what brings you in today?”

Me: *off the top of my head* “I have measles, mumps, rubella, tetanus, and meningitis. Should I get hepatitis or HPV next?”

Doctor: *giving me a strange look* “I’m sorry, what do you mean?”

Me: *realizing how I just worded that* “VACCINES! I want to get all my immunizations.”

(I have just finished working at a jewelry store as a seasonal employee. That same day, I decide to apply for other stores in the same mall. I apply to a kooky little gift shop in the mall that is privately owned by a husband and wife.)

Manager: *taking resume* “Okay, so, the owners won’t be around for another two weeks, but when they are I’ll have them call you to set up an interview.”

Me: “Okay.”

(More than two weeks come and go, so I decide to call the store, since no one has called me.)

Manager: “Oh, they aren’t in yet. I’ll call you when they’re in.”

(I never get a call that night, but I do get one the next morning.)

Owner: “Hi, this is [Owner]. I want to set up an interview next week.”

(Keep in mind, this has been five or six weeks now.)

Me: “Okay.”

(The day before my interview, the manager calls me.)

Manager: “Yeah, there’s going to be a huge snowstorm tomorrow, and the owners won’t be able to come in.”

Me: “Okay.”

Manager: “We will call you with a new time.”

(As this is going on, I get rehired at an amusement park for the summer, meaning I can only work at this gift shop until May. I am getting worried because no one will want to hire someone who will have to leave in three months. It has been another week since the manager called me, so I decide to call back and tell them to forget it. An employee tells me they wrote it on a note and will give it the owner. I promise them that there are no hard feelings, and promise to reapply in December. A week later:)

Owner: *calls me on my cell, so I don’t recognize number* “Hi, is this [Not My Name]?”

Me: “No, sorry. You have the wrong number.”

Owner: “Okay, sorry.”

(I get another call an hour later.)

Owner: “Hi, [My Name], I accidentally called you by the wrong name. I want to set up an interview date.”

(Clearly, she never got the message.)

Customer: “$10 combo, to go.”

Me: “All right, that’s $11.13, with tax.”

Customer: “But I’m paying cash.”

Me: “So?”

Customer: “I don’t have to pay taxes if I pay with cash, right?”

Me: “…”