The Tattoo Store Where The Consultation Is The Most Painful Part

, , , , , | Working | September 4, 2019

(I’ve had an idea for a tattoo for a few years. My roommate comes back to our room one day with a beautifully drawn tattoo. I ask her where she got it and she happily gives me the shop name. I decide to call to make an appointment.)

Employee: “Hello, this is [Tattoo Shop]. How may I help you?”

Me: “Hi. I was hoping to set up an appointment for a consult? I have a design I want drawn out.”

Employee: “Okay. When were you wanting to come in?”

Me: “Ideally this weekend, but any time after five next week also works.”

Employee: “Okay. Well, you can just come in this weekend.”

Me: “Okay. I guess I’ll come in on Sunday.”

Employee: “All right, see you then!”

(Considering the woman didn’t ask for my name or phone number, I figure they don’t really do appointments, so I end up walking in on Saturday. The place is full of people getting tattoos. I walk up to the front desk.)

Me: “Hey, when would be a good time to come in for a consultation?”

Employee: “Well, [Artist] is going to be done next. Why don’t we go chat with him and see if he can do what you’re wanting?”

(We walk over to the tattoo artist. He’s currently working on someone.)

Employee: “Hey, this young lady wants a tattoo.”

Artist: *to the man he’s tattooing* “Did you hear that? She wants a tattoo; you’d better get up.”

(I’m starting to get uncomfortable; the artist sounds genuinely irritated and I can’t understand why.)

Artist: *to me* “What are you wanting?”

Me: “I want [design] over my heart.”

Artist: “Well, that’ll take some time to draw up.”

Me: “Okay?”

Artist: “So, you can either wait here or come back when I’m done with this guy.”

Me: “Do you know about how long it will take?”

Artist: *very rudely* “Well, I’m not going to rush him.”

Me: “No, I understand. I just don’t want to be sitting here if it’s going to be a few hours.”

Artist: “Yeah, it’s probably going to take two or three hours.”

Me: “All right.”

(I decide that I do not want to have this man tattoo me. As I walk out, I hear this:)

Artist: “The f*** is her problem?”

(I just left and ended up getting the tattoo at another shop that was far friendlier and better organized.)

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The Silence Of The Fans

, , , , , , | Right | July 30, 2019

(There is a villain in Doctor Who known as “The Silence.” They are instantly forgotten the moment you look away from them. My friend is going in to get a tattoo done that features the villain along with the words, “Silence will fall.”)

Tattoo Artist: “So, just the words will be [price].”

Friend: “What about the alien?”

Tattoo Artist: “What alien?”

Friend: “This alien.” *holds up reference picture*

Tattoo Artist: “Oh, right, hang on.” *turns to calculate price* “Just the words will be [same price as before].”

Friend: *getting frustrated* “But what about the alien?!

Tattoo Artist: “What alien?”

Friend: “The f****** alien in the picture!”

Me: “[Friend], I think he’s just messing with you.”

Friend: “What?”

Me: “Remember where the alien comes from?”

Friend: “Son of a b****.”

Tattoo Artist: “Sorry about that, man. All together, it will be [different price than before].”

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Bloody Inconsiderate Customers!

, , , | Right | July 11, 2019

(I am going to get my first lip piercing with a friend. I am nervous, but everything is going well. Soon I have a ring on my lip.)

Piercer: *hands me some paper towels* “Just press this against it; the bleeding will stop soon.”

Me: *pressing them on my lip* “There is a lot of blood in my mouth already. Is there a sink somewhere?”

(My friend is talking with the piercer and they don’t seem to hear me. I am about to ask again but realize that if I open my mouth, some blood will spill out. I mumble something while pressing my lips together tightly, pointing toward my mouth with my free hand.)

Friend: *understands what I’m trying to say* “Oh! Um, is there a sink somewhere?”

Piercer: “There’s a bathroom down the hall.” *gives me quick instruction on how to get there*

(I almost run to the bathroom and spit a lot of blood into the sink. I am glad I made it; some leaked through my lips on the way there. I spit out a few more times, wipe my mouth, and go back, since it has almost stopped bleeding.)

Piercer: “Seems like I hit a blood vessel… That was some bad luck.”

(After paying, we leave. My friend jokes how funny I looked, making muffled noises and waving my hand around. I laugh at that, too. On the bus going home I realize something.)

Me: “I don’t think I washed the blood off that sink.”

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Unfiltered Story #155524

, , | Unfiltered | June 24, 2019

(I work the front desk at a higher end tattoo studio. A man walks in, and looks like he may be under the influence of something)

Me: Hello. How can I help you?

Customer: Yeah. How about a Ying-Yang here *points to his shoulder* How much would that be?

Me: Well, pricing varies by the artist you work with. If you look at the portfolios and decide who you want to work with we can get an estimate from them.

Customer: Ok. But how much?

Me: That depends on the artist. You’d need to pick who you want to work with.

Customer: Well, okay.

(few seconds later)

Customer: What about a whole thing on my back? What would that be?

Me: Well, that would definitely be an hourly piece. So ultimately it depends on who you work with and how long it takes to do.

Customer: Okay. Well. Maybe I’ll just have no. Just no tattoos. Because I’m not part of society.

Me: Okay. Well, tattoos aren’t for everyone.

Customer: I’m not part of society. Maybe just a head. I don’t need to be sexy to go places. And society cares what you do and what is acceptable and I’m not part of that so maybe just NO. No tattoos.

Me: Okay then.

(he starts to walk out and turns around)

Customer: Do you need my social security number?

Me: No thank you.

Customer: Okay. (then half way out the door) And if you want to know my name, it’s DON’T ASK.

Spilled The Ink On That One

, , , | Working | June 17, 2019

(I have made an appointment to get a tattoo covered up. I sit down with the artist to talk about my options.)

Artist: “So, which one are we covering up for you?”

Me: “This one, right here. The one that says, ‘[Male Name].’”

(I roll up my sleeve and show him the tattoo of a small heart with “[Male Name]” written under it.)

Artist: *rolls his eyes* “Ah, broke up, did you? This is exactly why I don’t tattoo names on people.” *shakes his head*

Me: “Uh, no, it’s not like that. It’s actually–” *cuts me off*

Artist: “This is seriously one of the dumbest tattoo choices you can make. I mean, how stupid do you have to be to tattoo a boyfriend’s name on you? Jesus, c’mon. Nothing lasts forever these days.” *shakes his head again*

Me: “It’s not my boyfriend’s name; it’s–” *cuts me off again*

Artist: “Fiancé, husband, whatever. You’re a real idiot for tattooing his name on you. I mean, seriously–”

(Sick of his s***, I cut him off.)

Me: “Actually, it’s my father’s name. I got it as a memento four years ago when he died. Or I should say, when he faked his own suicide so he could go live with his new family on the other side of the country, which we just found out about. I want it gone. But I am definitely not doing that here. Goodbye.”

(The artist went absolutely white and tried to spit out some sort of apology, but I was already halfway out the door.)

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