(I’m the idiot in this story. An elderly customer comes to my till with a gift card.)
Customer: “Can you read this for me?”
Me: “Sure!” *turns the card over* “Which part would you like me to read?”
Customer: “The amount?”
Me: “…”
Customer: “…”
Me: “I’m really sorry; it’s been a long day…”
(At least we got a good laugh out of it!)
(I am working in customer service, taking calls from customers with questions about our product line, how to cook, etc. A woman calls to complain about our BREADED chicken fingers.)
Me: “Good afternoon. How may I help you?”
Caller: “I want to complain about your chicken fingers. They’re awful; even my dog won’t eat them!”
Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. Which product did you purchase?”
(The caller gives me the product code, etc. They are breaded chicken fingers, meant to be baked or deep-fried only. The instructions are clearly on the box.)
Me: “Which method of cooking did you use?”
Caller: “I boiled them!”
Me: “Excuse me, boiled? In water?”
Caller: “Yes.”
Me: “Ma’am, they are breaded chicken fingers; you can’t boil them. They are to be deep-fried or baked only.”
Caller: “Well, I boil everything.”
Me: “I’m sorry. You cannot boil chicken fingers, because the breading will come off and turn to mush.”
Caller: “Well, you should say that on your product boxes.”
Me: “…?”
(I walk into my optometrist’s office and find a new secretary. I’m curious about what happened to “Jane,” the last one, especially since “Jane” and the doctor were married! I’m the only one in the office right now so I decide to be nosey:)
Me: *after the preliminary sign in conversation* “So, Jane is no longer here?”
New Secretary: “No, she’s gone.”
Me: “I’m surprised considering her relationship with the Doctor.”
New Secretary: “It was all very awkward, Jane needed to start wearing glasses but she refused to. The doctor had to fire her because she was giving out the wrong prescriptions to people and messing up things like that.”
Me: “Ooh, that’s not good. Wait, she was married to an optometrist and worked in an optometrist’s office and refused to wear glasses?”
New Secretary: “Yup. I shouldn’t say this but I believe it was a case of vanity gone wrong. They’re getting divorced now, too.”
Me: “Gee, I wonder why?”
(I work at a clothing store. My supervisor and I are looking over possible new hires. All new hires have to fill out a form online and answer a few basic questions.)
Me: “I like this guy.”
Supervisor: “Look at what he put for his starting salary.” *we normally expect minimum wage, which is $11.40*
Me: “$25 an hour!”
Supervisor: “Let’s call him, anyway. Maybe he’s joking.”
(We called him. He wasn’t. He didn’t get the job.)
(The mall where I work has construction going on near our store, and the nearest mall door is closed off to customers. There are security guards posted to let construction and mall workers in and out. One of my employees has used the emergency exit in our backroom that opens up into the designated smoking area and the construction area. He returns from his smoke break and opens the door to the backroom to come back to work, followed by someone who shouldn’t be in my backroom. The stranger walks right past me and out of my store.)
Me: “What the…?”
Employee: “He’s a foreman or something for the construction, and the security guards aren’t there to let him in. I just did him a favour.”
Me: “How noble of you, but you know better than to let a random dude from outside into the backroom! If the managers or head office had come in, you’d be in a ton of trouble! No more randoms through the backroom door, understood?”
Employee: “Yeah, I get it. My bad.”
(Ten minutes later, the same random dude walks back into the store.)
Construction Guy: “Can you let me out through there?”
Me: “No, sir. I can’t have non-employees going into the backroom. [Employee] let you in to do you a favour, but I can’t let you exit through there.”
Construction Guy: “Seriously? I’ve already been back there; stop being a d*** and just let me leave. The exit doors won’t open.”
Me: “Yeah, and that was a one-time deal, and a mistake that [Employee] made. But I can’t let you back there again. The security personnel just walked past the store; if you catch up to them, they’ll be more than happy to let you out.”
Construction Guy: “What the f***?! My truck is sitting out there!”
Me: “If you keep being so ridiculously crass in a store full of kids, I’m going to have security remove you. [Employee], call the security office.”
Construction Guy: “F*** YOU, A**HOLE! IF SOMEBODY STEALS MY TRUCK I’LL F****** SUE YOU!”
Me: “You can try, and now I’m going to escort you to the door.” *starts to walk around the counter*
Construction Guy: “Whatever! Hope you have a great day, b****!”
Me: “Thank you; I will. You take care, now.”
(He started to walk out, head turned to continue screaming profanities at me, and promptly walked right into the massive glass window at the front of the store. All the customers started laughing at him as he picked himself up and stormed out, as I chuckled and waved goodbye.)
