(I am working a trial shift as part of my application to work at a fast food restaurant. I am unfamiliar with the menu and a little flustered.)

Customer: “I want a frozen drink.”

Me: “Sure! Which flavour would you like?”

Customer: “A frozen drink.”

Me: “Yes, I got that, but which one?”

Customer: “It’s a dollar.”

Me: “Okay, but—”

(My coworker notices my problem and steps over to help.) 

Coworker: “Hi there, ma’am. Sorry about this, [My Name] is only new and just learning how to take orders. Did you want the cola flavour or the green one?”

Customer: “YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, I don’t. I’m asking you.”

Customer: “YOU ALREADY KNOW! I HAVEN’T DECIDED! YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT!”

Coworker: *pause* “Would you like it half of each?”

Customer: “YES! WAS THAT SO HARD? IF YOU KNEW WHAT I WANTED WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST DO IT?”

(Later:)

Coworker: “Sorry about that. I’d say that doesn’t happen often, but you probably should get used to it.”

Me: “I hate this job.”

(I am a young female who works at a car parts store. Our clientele is mainly male so I am used to the odd comment about being a female in this kind of work. While I am not a qualified mechanic, I know basic car maintenance and am capable of assisting with simple requests. This incident takes place at the end of the day with not many customers in the store.)

Me: “Good afternoon, sir. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I’ve ordered some parts. Are they here for me?”

Me: “Sure thing. What did you order?”

Customer: *snorts* “You probably won’t know what it is. I’m after an oil filter and air filter.”

(These are very common requests and they are one of the more basic maintenance items we sell.) 

Me: “I’ll just go get those for you.”

(I head out the back to the hold shelf and find the parts the man ordered.)

Me: *placing the items on the counter* “Here we go, sir.”

Customer: “Are you sure these are right?”

Me: “Those are the parts you ordered, sir. I am unable to say if they are the right parts for your car without further details but they are the items you have requested.”

Customer: “What are you doing here? Are you just here to make tea and coffee for the men? Someone like you shouldn’t be working in a place like this!”

(I am quite taken aback by this man’s comments, but I manage to bite my tongue.)

Me: “That will be [amount] thanks.”

Customer: *grunts*

Me: “Have a nice day, sir!”

(I work in a call centre in Christchurch. This conversation takes place a few months after we had our earthquake.)

Me: “Welcome to [Company]. How can I help today?”

Customer: “I have just been sent a reminder letter and you have charged me $5. I want you to reverse that.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but our letters are automatically sent out if you do not pay your bill by the due date. I cannot reverse that fee for you if you have not paid your bill.”

Customer: “I demand to speak to your manager.”

Me: “I am not going to get my manager for you, because the answer from them will be the same. If you read your terms and conditions, this is one of them. We charge fees if you do not pay your bill by the due date.”

Customer: “I hope you get another earthquake.”

Me: “Excuse me? You do realise that people actually died in the earthquake and a lot of people have lost their homes. That is a terrible thing to say.”

Customer: “I hope you get a tsunami as well and lots of people die.”

Me: “I will no longer be continuing this conversation. I am horrified that you would even say this.”

(I hung up after that and sat at my desk for a little bit. I was shaking because I was so angry. I have never heard anyone say something so terrible before.)

(I work in a call centre who sells electricity to customers across New Zealand.)

Me: “Welcome to [My Company]. You’re speaking with [My Name].”

Customer: “Hi. I’d just like to know my account balance, please.”

Me: “Sure. I just need your customer number, please.”

Customer: “I don’t have it.”

Me: “That’s fine. I’ll just search for the account through your name. May I please have your surname?”

(The customer provides a surname which is either Maori or Samoan, so I don’t understand it and ask her to repeat it. The customer does and I am still unsure.)

Me: “Would you mind spelling that for me, please?”

Customer: “Why, are you thick?”

Me: “Would you mind confirming for me the address of your property?”

Customer: “Why are you being so cheeky?”

Me:  “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I have already given you my name; you don’t need any more information.”

Me: “I was unable to locate your account, so I was after your address to locate it that way, please.”

Customer: “Where are you?”

Me: “Do you mean our call centre?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Our call centre is located in Christchurch.”

Customer: “I’m going to come down there, I’m going to find you, and I’m going to slice your face off.”

Me: “I am ending this call now.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Because you just threatened me. Goodbye.”

(I hung up on customer, who promptly called back and spoke to my colleague. She then told my colleague that she was going to hunt me down and kill me. My colleague advised she was hanging up on her and the customer said that she was going to kill my colleague, too.)

I somehow have inherited rather unusual quirks regarding the control around my right eye — only the right. Part of this quirk means I can make what is referred to as the lacrimal papilla twitch rapidly; imagine the location where girls put lower eyeliner, twitching towards the tear ducts. 

This also means I can make my eyelids twitch on command, so it looks like I’ve either been under stress or had to just deal with the stupidest request ever. 

This is great in retail with exceedingly ignorant or just plain irritating customers, because all I have ever had to do with an unreasonable request is smile brightly, act politely, add on the twitch, and they believe they have just been unbearable to the point of stress that they usually have backed right off.