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Just Another Day In The Hogwarts Library

, , , , , | Right | December 4, 2020

A student comes to the information desk.

Student: “Someone has taken my bag and laptop while I was away. I left them with my friend but my friend has gone, too, and I can’t get in touch with her. I wonder if staff moved my bag when the bookshelves were moved?”

Me: “Huh?”

Student: “There are shelves now where they weren’t before.”

I suggest that she may have mistaken which floor she is on, and her friend is still there with her phone switched off. She doesn’t think so but goes off to check the other floors. 

Because, of course, the totally reasonable explanation is that the librarians are building shelves, reshelving books, printing new shelf labels and signage, moving the study tables, updating the website, and hiding your bag and friend, while you are downstairs buying a coffee!

No, the student didn’t come back!

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Still Has A “Pretty” Outdated View

, , , , | Right | May 15, 2020

I am helping an older male patron with the printer. I’m female. He asks what I think of a particular sexual abuse case that is in the news. I give a vague answer, which he doesn’t listen to as he starts rambling about all these terrible things coming to light now all over the world. He says that it is great that people can speak up now, but it’s terrible that it happened at all, and everyone knew but no one said anything, etc.

Patron: “I guess you ladies in the library wouldn’t have these problems?”

I start to reply but he carries on:

Patron: “It’s the pretty young girls who have to worry, isn’t it?”

I didn’t know where to start with that, so I just said the printer was fine now and left him to it.

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This Bus Terminates At I Don’t Care

, , , | Right | March 5, 2020

(I work as a bus driver and I’m at the end of my run when I notice a young man asleep at the back of the bus. I wake him up…)

Me: “Excuse me, but we’re at the last stop; you have to get off.”

Customer: “Oh, f***, you were supposed to drop me off at [Street]!”

Me: “Sorry, but you didn’t ask me to let you off there when you got on.”


(I check my pockets and come up empty-handed.)

Me: “I seem to have left my ability to read minds in my other pants.”

(It wasn’t the answer he wanted and he couldn’t stay on as I was on my last run. He did ring and complain about it, but I had already told my dispatch about it.)

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Some Customers Would Wish Murder For Five Bucks

, , , | Right | October 7, 2019

(I work in a call centre in Christchurch. This conversation takes place a few months after we had our earthquake.)

Me: “Welcome to [Company]. How can I help today?”

Customer: “I have just been sent a reminder letter and you have charged me $5. I want you to reverse that.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but our letters are automatically sent out if you do not pay your bill by the due date. I cannot reverse that fee for you if you have not paid your bill.”

Customer: “I demand to speak to your manager.”

Me: “I am not going to get my manager for you, because the answer from them will be the same. If you read your terms and conditions, this is one of them. We charge fees if you do not pay your bill by the due date.”

Customer: “I hope you get another earthquake.”

Me: “Excuse me? You do realise that people actually died in the earthquake and a lot of people have lost their homes. That is a terrible thing to say.”

Customer: “I hope you get a tsunami as well and lots of people die.”

Me: “I will no longer be continuing this conversation. I am horrified that you would even say this.”

(I hung up after that and sat at my desk for a little bit. I was shaking because I was so angry. I have never heard anyone say something so terrible before.)

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Take A Stab At Spelling It

, , , , | Right | October 1, 2019

(I work in a call centre who sells electricity to customers across New Zealand.)

Me: “Welcome to [My Company]. You’re speaking with [My Name].”

Customer: “Hi. I’d just like to know my account balance, please.”

Me: “Sure. I just need your customer number, please.”

Customer: “I don’t have it.”

Me: “That’s fine. I’ll just search for the account through your name. May I please have your surname?”

(The customer provides a surname which is either Maori or Samoan, so I don’t understand it and ask her to repeat it. The customer does and I am still unsure.)

Me: “Would you mind spelling that for me, please?”

Customer: “Why, are you thick?”

Me: “Would you mind confirming for me the address of your property?”

Customer: “Why are you being so cheeky?”

Me:  “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I have already given you my name; you don’t need any more information.”

Me: “I was unable to locate your account, so I was after your address to locate it that way, please.”

Customer: “Where are you?”

Me: “Do you mean our call centre?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Our call centre is located in Christchurch.”

Customer: “I’m going to come down there, I’m going to find you, and I’m going to slice your face off.”

Me: “I am ending this call now.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Because you just threatened me. Goodbye.”

(I hung up on customer, who promptly called back and spoke to my colleague. She then told my colleague that she was going to hunt me down and kill me. My colleague advised she was hanging up on her and the customer said that she was going to kill my colleague, too.)

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