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Those Heathens And Their Time-Telling Ways

, , , , | Right | January 17, 2008

Customer: “What time does the film start?”

Me: “The film starts fifteen minutes after the time on your ticket. There are fifteen minutes of ads and trailers.”

Customer: “No, I said what time does the F-I-L-M start?!”

Me: “The film starts after fifteen minutes of trailers, so fifteen minutes after whatever it says on the ticket. Your ticket says 3:30 pm, so the film would start at 3:45. Okay?”

Customer: “Don’t blind me with science!”

It’s A Small (100% English Speaking) World

, , , | Right | January 16, 2008

Customer: “This movie is in German. I want a different one.”

(It was “The Lives of Others,” which won Best Foreign Film at the Oscars–which was stated on the box in big letters.)

Me: “I can’t give you another movie, because it was subtitled. Plus, it says it on the box in two places.”

Customer: “But I don’t speak German.”

Me: “Neither do I.”

Customer: “Why do they make movies in German in America?”

Me: “Because it was made by German people.”


This story is part of the Refusing To Read roundup!

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More Slippage

, , | Right | January 3, 2008

(I am working another very long day right after “March of the Penguins” has come out, stuck in the box office, when a sweet-looking little old lady and her sweet little old lady friend walked up to the window.)

Me: “Hello, how can I help you today?”

Old Lady: “Hello, sweetie. I’d like one senior for March of the Penises.”

Friend: “Oh, my God…”

(Shocked, the second old lady puts her hand up to her mouth and whispers to her friend.)

Me: “I think you might have the wrong theater…”


This story is part of our Shocking Old People roundup!

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Family Values

, , | Right | January 2, 2008

(A customer hands me the tickets to the horror/torture movie, ‘Hostel 2.’)

Employee: “I’m sorry sir, but this movie is R-rated and I’m afraid I can’t let your child in.”

Customer: *agitated* “Can’t you just let us in?”

Employee: “I’m sorry sir, but I’d lose my job if I did that. I CAN help you find another movie.”

(The customer then throws his $6 tub of popcorn in my face and all over the podium and walks off with his family. There’s good family values…)


This story is part of our “Bad Parents & R-Rated Movies” roundup!

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With Great Pizza Comes Great Responsibility

, , , | Right | December 30, 2007

(A hospital calls to order pizza.)

Manager: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place], would you like to try the Superhero Special?”

Customer: “What’s that?”

Manager: “It’s an extra-large, three-topping pizza that comes with a coupon for the Spiderman 3 DVD.”

Customer: “…the pizza’s delivered by Spiderman!?”


This story is part of our Junk Food Day roundup!

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