(Two guys walk into our video rental store, find their video, and come up to pay.)
Coworker: “What’s your phone number?”
Customer: “Yeah, it’s [phone number].”
Coworker: “Okay, so, [Customer]?”
Customer’s Friend: “Holy s***, man, he knows your name!” *turns to my coworker* “Dude, what’s my name?!”
Coworker: “…”
Customer: “Dude, I have an account here.”
Customer’s Friend: “Oh. I’m going to go wait in the car…”
(I notice a customer is standing in front of a freezer. After remaining there for several minutes, I get concerned.)
Me: “Sir, can I help you?”
(At this point, I notice that he’s urinated in the freezer. The customer turns around, zips up his fly, and then pulls his shirt over his head.)
Customer: “I AM CORNHOLIO! I NEED TP FOR ME BUNGHOLE!” *runs away*
Coworker: “They don’t pay us enough for this.”
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Customer: “Two for ‘Ice Age’, please.”
Me: “No problem. Did you want the 3-D showing at 2:15, or the regular, 2-D showing at 2:50?”
Customer: “What’s the difference?”
Me: “…thirty-five minutes, and a dimension.”
Customer: “Excuse me, can you help me choose which suit I should get?”
Me: “Certainly. This model here was worn by actor Sean Astin.”
Customer: “Who is that?”
Me: “He played Sam in The Lord of the Rings. He was one of the hobbits.”
Customer: “You sell to hobbits!?”
Me: “Well, he’s not re–”
Customer: “You shouldn’t sell to hobbits!”
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(A customer comes up to the register with three under-five-year-old kids with a “Watchmen” graphic novel.)
Me: “Hi! So have you seen Watchmen yet?”
Customer: “No, we are going right after this.”
Me: “You do know that Watchmen is a very violent movie geared towards adults, right?”
Customer: “Oh, it’s okay. We’re from the Bronx.”
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