(I am a cashier. Sometimes people will go through a checkout line sharing a cart. Two middle-aged women come through the line.)
Me: *pointing at their purchases* “Are you two together?”
(Woman #1 looks lovingly into [Woman #2]’s eyes and holds her hands.)
Woman #1: “Yes, we are…”
Woman #2: “Honey, I think she meant if we’re buying all this together.”
Woman #1: “Oh. No, we’re separate. Two transactions, please!”
(This happens during a small snowstorm. West Yellowstone is at the top of Gallatin Canyon and the road can be very dangerous in the winter.)
Visitor: “Thanks for the directions! I’m heading for Bozeman.”
Me: “You’re welcome, and drive safe!”
Visitor: “How dare you?! I am a great driver! Don’t you ever again imply otherwise!”
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(I work housekeeping at a hotel. We knock and give the guest a few moments of privacy before we enter.)
Me: *knocking* “Housekeeping!”
Guest: “Who’s there?”
Me: “Housekeeping!”
Guest: “What kind?”
(A customer with a thick Southern-US accent comes in, starts looking at me and frowns.)
Customer: “Hey, you.”
Me: “Hello, madam. How may I help you?”
Customer: “Do you understand me?”
Me: “Why, yes, I do.”
Customer: *sighs* “But my friend told me all you stupid hicks up here speak Spanish!”
Me: “Well, that’s a bit odd. We aren’t located anywhere near Mexico, Spain or anywhere in Europe.”
Customer: “Liar! Just so you know, I went to college and I know d*** well where this state is!”
Me: “I’m sorry?”
Customer: “You b****! You’re a stupid hick who thinks she knows everything! I know d*** well where this state is!”
Me: “I’m quite certain Montana is located in the northwest corner of the USA.”
Customer: “Ugh! Make me teach the brainless rednecks! It’s not in the northwest, you dumb f***! It’s in the south, by the country Idaho!”
Me: *speechless*
(The customer rolls her eyes and storms out of the store.)
(It is about an hour before closing time. A customer walks in and looks curiously at me.)
Customer: “How are you?”
Me: “I’m fine.”
Customer: “You know, I’m organizing this charity event. To support unwed young mothers and those with unexpected pregnancies.”
(The customer pulls out a pamphlet with a sad-eyed girl and sets it on the counter.)
Customer: “You should come.”
Me: “No, I’m fine. Thank you.”
Customer: “These things happen to lots of people. There’s nothing wrong with seeking help.”
Me: “I’m Mormon. And not married. And we preach abstinence until marriage.”
Customer: “Everyone slips here and there.”
Me: “Not me. I’m not pregnant, and won’t be for a long, long time. But, uh, thank you.”
Customer: “Well, how about any of your friends? You look like the type–”
Me: “No, my friends are fine too. Have a good night.”
Customer: “We could always use donations, you know.”
Me: “I work in a grocery store, and I’m a student. I don’t have any money to donate.”
Customer: “Well, that’s disappointing.”
