Cold Is The Tea Drank By This Customer

, , , , , | Right | August 25, 2019

(I’m working at a tea shop that steeps loose-leaf tea. Hot teas are served in white paper cups and cold teas are served in clear plastic cups.)

Customer: “May I have a hot oolong tea with no sweetener?”

Me: “Sure.”

(I prepare the tea and hand it to the customer. The customer leaves and comes back a couple of minutes later.)

Customer: “Hi, sorry, could you please give me a different cup for this?”

Me: “Oh, sure. Did something happen to the cup?”

Customer: “It’s just weird; it looks weird.”

Me: “Umm, okay? How can I fix that for you?”

Customer: “Can you switch it to a plastic cup?”

Me: “Sure.”

Customer: “Also, add ice to it.”

Me: “Umm… So you want a cold tea?”

Customer: “Yes.”

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When The Person You’re Insulting In A Foreign Language Isn’t Foreign To The Language

, , , , | Right | November 21, 2018

(On a particularly busy day, a group of Arab women come into the store keen on getting some tea. I’m excited because I actually speak fluent Arabic.)

Customer #1: “We want tea; what are the discounts?”

Me: “We currently don’t have any discounts on, unfortunately! Is there a specific tea you are looking for?”

Customer #2: “We want the one that’s like the one at [Restaurant In Town].”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I’ve never been there. Could you describe it?”

(This continues for about thirty minutes; they want teas from random places, and I bring down what I think will work, and they seem pleased. It’s at this point they start bickering in Arabic to each other.)

Customer #1: *in Arabic* “She is so stupid; she doesn’t even know what she’s talking about.”

Customer #2: “She’s probably going to overcharge us.”

Customer #3: “Could she go any slower?”

Me: *smiling, still pretending I don’t understand* “Your total today will be $127.83.”


Customer #2: *in English* “How can this be? You have to give us a discount; it’s way too much!”

Me: “I’m sorry. I can’t apply any discounts, but I’d be happy to make you a tea on the house.”

Customer #1: *very angry* “No, just let us pay so we can get out of here.”

(I ring them through,and before I reach for a bag, I decide to make this whole transaction worth my while.)

Me: *in Arabic* “Would you like a bag?”

(I had never seen anyone turn so white in my life; I thought they were going to pass out. They said nothing as I handed them their bag and wished them a wonderful day again in Arabic, just to hit the point home. Most satisfying feeling ever!)

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Reaching “Tea-Total” Of Stupid Questions

, , , | Right | November 20, 2018

(I work at a very well-known tea shop in Canada. My favourite part of the job is when customers come in, take a look around at all the tea and teapots, and then:)

Customer: “Do you sell tea?”

Me: “No, we don’t. We are actually the only tea shop in the world that doesn’t sell any tea. Have a great day.”

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Going Scone And On And On

| Right | May 20, 2016

(As our cakes are in a glass cabinet, I often have to list the type of cakes. On this day we do have some unusual ones such as cinnamon bun and cappuccino roll but also the usual chocolate and Victoria sponge. At this point I had already listed every cake that we had.)

Customer: *referring to cakes* “They are all a bit weird, aren’t they?”

Me: “Well, we do have Victoria sponge and chocolate sponge, which are fairly common.”

Customer: “But all your cakes are sponge; I don’t like sponge.” *points at biscuits* “What are they?”

Me: “Melting moments. They are a type of biscuit.”

Customer: “I don’t like biscuits.” *points at scones* “Are they cherry?”

Me: “No, they’re cheese.”

Customer: “Oh, I wanted cherry.”

Me: “Well, I’m afraid we don’t have any cherry scones.”

Customer: “I’ll have a cheese scone, then.”

(I reach for a cheese scone thinking I’ll give her the biggest one to appease her.)

Customer: “No, I want that one.” *points to smaller more brown scone* “Are they all cheese scones?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Why do they look different?”

Me: “They are just different batches.”

(She leaves with her cheese scone to sit down and I think that is the end of it. I am doing the dishwasher when a coworker comes through.)

Coworker: “There’s a customer through there who wants to know if her cheese scone was made today. She says it’s bland.”

Me: “Tell her yes, they always are.”

(A while later I am tidying the front when the customer leaves, she comes over to the counter.)

Customer: “What’s the difference between the batches of scones?”

Me: “They were put in the oven at different times.”

Customer: “It was just a bit bland.” *hovers expectantly*

Me: “Oh, dear, thank you.” *walks off*

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Tea-Total For Bad Puns

| Romantic | May 6, 2016

(My fiancée and I decide to go into a nice tea shop to buy some loose leaf tea. They have samples of their mixes throughout the store.)

Me: *samples a very fruity tea* “Oh! This is good. Try it.”

Fiancée: *takes a sip and shakes his head* “Nah, I’m not a fan.”

Me: *leans in close with a big grin* “Would you say it wasn’t… your cup of tea?”

(He looked so affronted and almost walked out on me. Totally worth it.)

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