Going Scone And On And On

| UK | Right | May 20, 2016

(As our cakes are in a glass cabinet, I often have to list the type of cakes. On this day we do have some unusual ones such as cinnamon bun and cappuccino roll but also the usual chocolate and Victoria sponge. At this point I had already listed every cake that we had.)

Customer: *referring to cakes* “They are all a bit weird, aren’t they?”

Me: “Well, we do have Victoria sponge and chocolate sponge, which are fairly common.”

Customer: “But all your cakes are sponge; I don’t like sponge.” *points at biscuits* “What are they?”

Me: “Melting moments. They are a type of biscuit.”

Customer: “I don’t like biscuits.” *points at scones* “Are they cherry?”

Me: “No, they’re cheese.”

Customer: “Oh, I wanted cherry.”

Me: “Well, I’m afraid we don’t have any cherry scones.”

Customer: “I’ll have a cheese scone, then.”

(I reach for a cheese scone thinking I’ll give her the biggest one to appease her.)

Customer: “No, I want that one.” *points to smaller more brown scone* “Are they all cheese scones?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Why do they look different?”

Me: “They are just different batches.”

(She leaves with her cheese scone to sit down and I think that is the end of it. I am doing the dishwasher when a coworker comes through.)

Coworker: “There’s a customer through there who wants to know if her cheese scone was made today. She says it’s bland.”

Me: “Tell her yes, they always are.”

(A while later I am tidying the front when the customer leaves, she comes over to the counter.)

Customer: “What’s the difference between the batches of scones?”

Me: “They were put in the oven at different times.”

Customer: “It was just a bit bland.” *hovers expectantly*

Me: “Oh, dear, thank you.” *walks off*

Tea-Total For Bad Puns

| Canada | Romantic | May 6, 2016

(My fiancée and I decide to go into a nice tea shop to buy some loose leaf tea. They have samples of their mixes throughout the store.)

Me: *samples a very fruity tea* “Oh! This is good. Try it.”

Fiancée: *takes a sip and shakes his head* “Nah, I’m not a fan.”

Me: *leans in close with a big grin* “Would you say it wasn’t… your cup of tea?”

(He looked so affronted and almost walked out on me. Totally worth it.)

Not Very Closed Minded, Part 14

| Philippines | Right | April 9, 2016

(I handle the social media for my family’s tea shop, so my cellphone number is also the published number of the shop. This call happens on a Monday, and we’re closed on Mondays.)

Caller: “Is this [Tea Shop]?”

Me: “Yes. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Are you open today? Because I’m here at your shop and the sign says closed.”

(I had to keep myself from reacting!)

Me: “Sorry… we’re closed on Mondays.”

Related:
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 13
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 12
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 11

Burst Their Bubble Tea

| Ithaca, NY, USA | Working | February 6, 2016

(I attend a college with a high population of Asian students, which means that the surrounding commercial area has a lot of Asian shops and restaurants that are usually staffed by Asian workers. A new bubble tea place opens, so I decide to stop by on my way to my boyfriend’s apartment one day. Bubble tea can come with “bubbles,” which are very chewy and round, or “jellies,” which are firmer and rectangular. Note: I am white, and my boyfriend is half-Asian and speaks perfect Mandarin.)

Me: “Hi, can I get a mango green tea with bubbles, please?”

Cashier: “We can’t do that. All of our drinks come pre-made. The mango green tea comes with jellies.”

Me: “Oh, um… Can I add bubbles with the jellies, then?”

Cashier: “It’s $0.50 extra.”

Me: “Okay, whatever.”

(They make my drink and I take it back to my boyfriend’s place. I explain to him what happened, and tell him what I’d like to do next. We go back to the tea shop the next day. My boyfriend goes up to the counter and orders in Mandarin while I lurk out of sight. A couple minutes later, he brings me my drink.)

Boyfriend: “I asked for a mango green tea with bubbles and they just asked what size. And their drinks aren’t pre-made; they make them in the back from scratch!”

(Now every time I want a bubble tea, my boyfriend has to order it for me or the workers try to give me something I don’t want!)

Not Your Cup Of Tea

| England, UK | Right | October 15, 2015

(I work in a small tea merchant that sells about 200 different varieties of tea. A customer and his girlfriend come in. The girlfriend walks over to my coworker.)

Customer: *approaches me and leans in uncomfortably close* “Do you have any teas for men?”

Me: “Could you be a bit more specific, sir?”

Customer: “You know? For MEN!” *begins miming masturbating*

Me: “Err…”

Customer: *continues miming* “You know, a tea to make your d*** BIG and STRONG!”

Me: *stunned silence*

Customer: “No? Okay.”

(The customer and his girlfriend left the shop. My coworker and I looked at each other and just began laughing hysterically.)

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