(An older gentleman walks up to the counter when I’m working and starts looking at the cheeses.)

Me: “Hi. What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Is the Vermont Cheddar the yellow American?”

Me: “No, it’s cheddar.”

(I pull out the yellow American, and place it on the counter for him to see.)

Me: “What are you going to be making?”

Customer: “Well, my list says I need Yellow American… I’m making grilled cheese with it.”

Me: “Well, typically grilled cheese is made with American cheese.”

Customer: “I don’t know. I don’t want to get the wrong thing.”

Me: “I’m sure this is what you’re supposed to get. You said American was on the list?”

Customer: “I don’t know…”

Me: “Well, would you like to try it?”

Customer: “No, just give me the cheddar. I’m sure that’s what she wanted.”

Me: “All right, so, your total today is [total].”

Customer: “Even with the 40%?”

Me: “Um, well, the only thing that you got on sale today was this shirt and it was an additional 50% off the clearance price. We don’t have any shirts in the store today for 40% off.”

Customer: “And the other shirts?”

Me: “Those are full price today.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Um… because they’re not on sale.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “They… they just aren’t. They’re selling at the full price. I don’t—”

Customer: “Never mind, I don’t want any of it.”

(I work at the front desk of an assisted living home, checking visitors in and out, among other duties. Two people are just leaving, male and female relatives of some sort, or maybe just friends. The guy is signing out.)

Guy: “There’s my name.” *signs the time he’s leaving*

Woman: “Oh! My name’s just below. You can do me now, too.”

(I looked up with an OMG-did-you-just-say-that face. She looked right at me with an OMG-did-I-just-say-that face, blushing. The woman and I smirked at each other and the husband just went on, oblivious. I had a good laugh after they left.)

(I work at an ice cream store owned by my grandfather. A customer comes in and asks for a medium bowl of ice cream. I portion the ice cream perfectly.)

Customer: “Oh, you need to give me a little more, please.”

(She speaks with a tone that clearly states, “I don’t trust you to give me the fair amount of product.”)

Me: “I can offer you a larger size of ice cream.”

Customer: *frowns at me* “No. I want the medium. But you need to give me more ice cream. Also I’d like the phone number for corporate.”

(A classic story of a customer expecting more for less and not respecting the way a business works. My grandfather gave her a refund for her ice cream and talked her out of complaining. I hope that rude woman starts going to [Popular Ice Cream Shop]. I’m sure they’d love to give her all the free extra product she wants.)

Me: “Would you like your receipt emailed, printed, or both today?”

Customer: “Emailed, please.”

Me: “Absolutely. What is your email address?”

Customer: “I don’t want to give you my email.”

Me: *confused* “So, would you just like you receipt printed, then?”

Customer: *visibly annoyed* “Uh, I guess so, yeah.”

Related:
Email Fail, Part 20
Email Fail, Part 19
Email Fail, Part 18