(I am having a particularly rough day in general. An elderly customer comes in and asks for a bouquet and some fillers, and I check him out.)
Customer: “Oh, ma’am, can I ask you for one more favor?”
Me: “Sure, what would you like?”
Customer: “Please have a good day.”
Me: “Okay…”
Customer: “You promise me?”
Me: “Yeah, I do!”
(I did my best to keep my promise that day!)
(I start working in a big box store as a cashier. I have an extensive retail background so I personally learn the POS system and stop training to work alone in ten minutes. I start training other new people in my first three days. When I meet a new person and they ask how long it took me, I tell them that I’m not the norm and I explain why. The company wants new cashiers to have one day of training then be on their own; it is a super easy system. This day I’m training another new person who I find out has actually worked for the company two weeks longer than me, is full time, and who is supposed to be in the Money Center. After she tells me this, I make her jump on the register and watch what she does. She very, VERY slowly goes through checking the person out and bagging their items, looking like she’s going to have a panic attack the whole time. Then, she takes their cash and goes to give them change. The drawer pops open and the computer tells her to give back $12.53 in change.)
New Cashier: “Um… there are no tens.”
(I look at the drawer and then back at her for a second, hoping something clicks. I get a blank stare from her.)
Me: “Two fives make a ten.”
New Cashier: “Oh, yeah!” *giggle* “Duh!”
(She digs out the bills and then slowly starts counting the coins.)
Me: “You have too many pennies.”
New Cashier: “Oh!” *giggle*
(Later, I tell my manager — not the manager that hired her — what happened.)
Me: “Someone needs to explain to me why someone who can’t count change and can’t handle an ounce of pressure was hired for the area that handles the most cash and has the most pressure… and why she’s going to make more than me.”
Manager: “Yeah… someone’s going to need to explain that to me, too.”
(It’s my second time selling my plasma. The tech who got me hooked up the first time is floating around but isn’t the one to hook me up this time. I hear them talking about how many jabs it took them and how fast the machine is pulling blood out of me this time.)
Me: “You’re making me sound like a science experiment.”
Tech: “You are.”
Me: “Touché.”
(I’ve just checked out a couple who used part food stamps and part $50 cash to pay. I give them their change — about $2 — and they leave. I’m ringing out the two older women who were behind them when the woman from the couple walks back up.)
Woman: “I dropped a $50. Did anyone find it?”
(The older ladies and I both look around and see nothing, and we all tell her we didn’t see a thing.)
Woman: “Well, can I see the cameras to see if anyone took it?”
Me: “No. You are going to have to call the police and file a report, and they will watch the cameras.”
(The woman suddenly looks deflated, and I can instantly tell she thought I would sputter under pressure and maybe just hand her $50. She walks away and goes to another cashier within earshot of us, changing her story to, “The cashier never gave me my $50 in change.” The other cashier also tells her to call the police. She leaves again, defeated. I look at the two older ladies and shake my head.)
One Of The Older Ladies: “That was the most pathetic attempt at a scam I’ve ever seen.”
(My flatmate has been seeing a doctor for heart palpitations and has had to do a number of things to troubleshoot it, including wearing a portable heart monitor. One evening we are hanging out in the kitchen.)
Me: “Didn’t the cardiologist say you have to cut down on caffeine?”
Flatmate: “Yeah, so I stopped drinking coffee.”
Me: “How many cups of black tea have you had today already, though?”
Flatmate: “Six. Why?”
