Unfiltered Story #102053

, , , | Unfiltered | December 18, 2017

(It is late at night and business is very slow. An older woman approaches my register ready for checkout. I scan and bag her groceries as I would with any customer. She then slides her card and it is declined due to lack of funds.)

Me: I’m sorry but your card has been declined. You don’t seem to have enough money on it to cover this order.

Customer: *In a rude tone* I have enough money on this card. I’m going to slide it again!

(The customer slides her card again and it is declined again.)

Me: I am very sorry but you don’t have enough money on your card.

Customer: But I have enough money on my card!

(She then proceeds to slide her card again and it is declined again.)

Me: *in an almost irritated tone* Mam, you don’t have enough money on your card.

Customer: *In a rude and irritated tone* Sonny, are you hard of hearing? I told you I have enough money on my card. I going to slide it again!

(I simply walk away to get a shift leader to assist me with this order. After about three minutes the customer ended up paying with cash.)

 

A Warning For A Warning

, , , , , | Working | October 24, 2017

(I am visiting my friend at her new house for the first time. There is no parking, so she says to call and she will show me somewhere to park then I get there. I pull over and call, and then start driving to our meeting space, which is a jewelry store. As I’m pulling in, a cop car turns on its lights. I stop, wait about two minutes, then try to get out to see what is going on.)

Officer #1: “Get back in your vehicle!”

Me: “Ah! Sorry!”

(I’m a woman, 5’7”, and 110 pounds. I’m not exactly threatening-looking. Another cop car shows up.)

Officer #2: “Licence registration and proof of insurance!”

(I hand it over. My license is paper because it is being replaced.)

Officer #2: “What’s this?”

Me: “My license is being replaced because I misplaced it in Israel.”

Officer #2: “What were you doing there?”

Me: “Visiting family, sir.”

Officer #2: “What are you doing here? Why were you pulled over back there?”

Me: “I’m meeting a friend. I pulled over to call her. Look: she’s texting now!”

(The text says, “How did you get surrounded by police in five minutes?!” I wait for them to process my info.)

Officer #1: *walks up* “Here. We will let you off with a warning.” *walks away*

Me: “For what?”

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Don’t Do Coke, Kids!

, , , , , | Right | October 13, 2017

Customer #1: “What kind of soda products do you have?”

Me: “Coke.”

Customer #1: “I’ll have a Pepsi.”

Customer #2: “Dude, she just said they have Coke products.”

Customer #1: “Isn’t Coke a Pepsi product?”

Me: “Coke is Coke.”

Customer #1: “Okay. Cherry Pepsi, please.”

Customer #2: “Me, too.”

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You Need Something? Shoot!

, , , , , , | Working | October 2, 2017

(I manage a chocolate shop. I have the weirdest, but most upbeat employees ever. One night, three police men walk in with full gear on.)

Head Police Officer: “We need to ask you a question.”

(One of my employees and I do the wide eyed “Oh, crap; which law did I break!” look.)

Me: “Sure. What’s up?”

Head Police Officer: “We are running a shooting drill in a week, and we need volunteers for it. You would just pretend to be running around or shot.”

Me: “THAT SOUNDS AWESOME!” *I stop and clear my throat.* “I’ll ask my employees and get back to you. Free samples?”

(All of my employees stayed late or showed up on their day off to do it. We didn’t get paid extra, but it was wicked fun to trade roles, calling 911, acting dead, or running and screaming through the mall.)

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Why Did The Rubber Chicken Cross The Road?

, , , , | Right | September 9, 2017

(I have been experiencing Internet outages all day, and once a snow storm hits, there is nothing. I call to double check if there are any other problems in the area.)

Tech: “Thank you for calling [Service Provider]. This is [Tech]. How may I help you?”

Me: “My Internet is out, and I was wondering if there were any outages in the area.”

Tech: “I can certainly check that for you. Give me a moment…” *brief pause* “It seems there are only a handful of people who are without connection, so I don’t think it is an area issue. What is the modem doing?”

Me: “Well, it’s odd. All the lights are on as if it were working, but I definitely can’t access any websites.”

Tech: “Okay. Just a few questions for you to determine this isn’t the router. Do you have any baby monitoring devices in the house?”

Me: “No.”

Tech: “Do you have any new remote devices at all?”

Me: “No.”

Tech: “Is your home built on top of an ancient Indian burial ground?”

Me: *giving my fiancé a twisted face and giggling* “No.”

Tech: “Okay, then. I’m going to ask you to unplug the router from the modem so I may check the connection on our end.” *gives me instructions* “And don’t forget to stand on one leg while holding a rubber chicken. Most people forget that.”

(We go through a few more steps, the results of which are baffling him, because his system says there’s no connection, but my equipment says otherwise.)

Tech: “I knew it… you didn’t hold the rubber chicken.” *sigh* “Nobody ever listens.”

Me: *trying not to lose it, I giggle more* “You sure there aren’t any other outages? The storm outside is pretty bad.”

(A short conversation reveals he is in Louisiana and had no idea there was a storm.)

Tech: “Even though the storm may have something to do with it, I’m not ruling out the possibility of an ancient burial ground. However, I am going to recommend we replace your modem.”

(We set up an appointment for the next day.)

Tech: “I would like to thank you for calling [Service Provider], and for being patient with both the troubleshooting and my sense of humor. Have a good night.”

(I stay on the line to wait for the automated survey to give him an excellent review. I hang up and finally let my laughter go. Both my fiancé and roommate look confused. I tell them about the conversation.)

Fiancé: “I would have liked to hear his reaction if you told him you held a rubber duck instead.”

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