Behaving Like An Old Bag

, , , , | Right | November 21, 2018

(I work as a banquet server in a hotel. We often do conference-style buffets, meaning we set everything up and then need to bus the tables as quickly as possible before the meeting starts. Upon passing one of the guests I notice a napkin and a used tea bag on her plate, which is slightly pushed away. Naturally, I attempt to clear it, and apparently, my coworker tried to do the same thing just minutes before.)

Lady: “What do you think you’re doing?”

Me: “Oh, I am so sorry, ma’am; I thought you were done.”

Lady: “DON’T YOU TOUCH MY PLATE!” *scowl* “And get me your manager, now!

Me: “Sure, right away, ma’am.”

Manager: “How may I help you?”

Lady: “The one with glasses—” *my coworker* “—and the skinny, [race] one—” *me* “—were trying to clear my plate while I WASN’T DONE WITH IT YET! I want them both fired!”

(She goes on a long rant about incompetent servers.)

Manager: “Okay, ma’am, I will talk to them.”

(We explained our side of the story. The manager just laughed and said that of course we were in no trouble whatsoever, since we did nothing wrong. Instead, he recounted the events to the party contact, who also happened to be the lady’s boss. She was appalled at her employee’s behavior and told him they would have a talk. I also proceeded to inform the rest of the servers about the lady, and we all agreed to stay as far away from her as possible during the next course, meaning that everyone’s plates got cleared except hers. The last thing I heard from her before bidding farewell to the entire group was more grumbling about “lazy servers who can’t even clear a plate.”)

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Pop Goes Their Chance Of Getting One

, , , , , | Friendly | October 18, 2018

(My friend invites me to a sports day held by his work, mainly because I have a car so I can drive him up. As it is the middle of summer, I pack a small cooler with some drinks for us, and I throw in a package of “freezie pops,” as well. We meet up with some other friends who also work there, and we are sharing the freezie pops between us when a woman walks up, followed by two kids.)

Woman: “Where did you get those?” *pointing at the freezie pops*

Me: “Oh, we actually brought them ourselves, since we figured it would be so hot. Do–”

Woman: *cutting me off* “We’ll take four.”

Me: *pausing, then plastering on a big smile* “Sorry, we only brought enough for us.”

(At that, the woman makes to lunge at the cooler, but I block her path with my body.)

Me: “Ex-cuse you!”

(She huffs, then stomps away as her kids begin whining about not getting freezie pops.)

Me: *opening up the cooler to reveal the dozen or so freezie pops we have left* “So, anyone want seconds?”

(Seriously, I’d been about to offer that woman some, but not with that kind of attitude. It’d be one thing if she asked nicely, but with just that demand, there was no way I was giving her squat.)

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Shoot Them A Joke If You Shoot Me Some Insulin

, , , , | Right | October 2, 2018

(I work for a company that does underwriting for loan programs in other states, and thus talk to a lot of contractors. I’m also a type-two diabetic who occasionally has blood sugar crashes. I’ve just explained to a contractor what he needs in order to get paid on a job, which his client insists has already been taken care of, and I am feeling the light-headed wooziness that comes with a blood sugar crash.)

Me: *trying to get through the call quickly to go get something to eat* “Is there anything else I can help you with today, sir?”

Contractor: “Yeah… Could you just shoot me?”

Me: “Sir, I can’t do that; it’s illegal. Also, you’re in New Jersey and I’m in Wisconsin; that’s crossing state lines, and I don’t want to get the FBI involved.”

Coworker: *snorts, then starts laughing*

Contractor: *quiet for a second, then bursts out laughing* “Fair enough! Have a good night!”

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Unfiltered Story #120937

, , , | Unfiltered | September 14, 2018

I’m the customer in this case. We regularly go to Southwestern themed restaurant for breakfast. Today there’s a new waitress we haven’t met before. I usually have blue corn pancakes but today I decide to try the Coyote toast, there name for French toast.

I place my order and say: “I hope your coyotes are fresh today.” The waitress gets this horrified look on her face and says: “You know it’s not real coyotes, it’s just French toast.” We managed to hold or laughter until she was out of earshot but giggled over it for the rest of the day.

If The Crazy Glove Fits…

, , , , , | Right | August 7, 2018

(I work as hotel security. We get a call from a guest saying he wants to see me.)

Me: “Hello, sir, I’m Officer [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Guest: “Hey, I found these gloves on the floor in the hall.” *points to six winter gloves*

Me: “Okay, I can take those to lost and found.”

Guest: “No, I’m really upset. I mean, why would anyone leave gloves outside my door like that?”

(This is a new one.)

Me: “Well, somebody might have dropped them, or they left the gloves at the wrong room.”

Guest: “I want you to call the police. With everything going on, I’m really upset about this.”

Me: “Really? They’re… The police aren’t going to come for some gloves. I can take them to lost and found, but…”

Guest: “No, I want you to call the police.”

(Policy is to contact our patrol before the police, and this is too stupid to not share. On the way over, the responding officer says I need to be more of a d**k.)

Patrol Officer: “Hello, sir, what’s the problem?”

Guest: “Well, I found these gloves outside my door, and I want to call the police.”

Patrol Officer: “They’re not going to come. If you call them, they will laugh at you. We can take the gloves to lost and found, but otherwise there’s nothing else I can do.”

Guest: “No, I’ll keep them. Good night.”

(Later, I got a call from a police officer. The guest went ahead and called them. The cop asked if I had it under control, and laughed when I told him I had everything in hand. I called the guest back, just to tell him the police were not going to respond to his call about gloves. I offered to take them off his hands again, but he insisted on holding on to them. I guess he thought that if they were dangerous, he was better trained or equipped than law enforcement.)

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