The Kind Of Person Who Puts The Shotgun Into “Shotgun Wedding”

, , , , , | Right | March 12, 2018

(I’m finishing up with a very normal sales call when suddenly everything changes.)

Customer: “You have a nice voice. I can tell you’re a beautiful woman. How old are you?”

Me: “I’m 21. So, we have your set up date as [date]. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Customer: “Are you married?”

Me: *lying* “Yes.”

Customer: “You should leave him and marry me. I can tell you’re a nice girl. I’ll be at your work tonight with flowers, waiting.”

Me: *standing up and flapping my arms at management across the room* “That’s very nice of you, but please, don’t. I’m going to transfer you to the confirmation line now.”

Customer: “You will be my bride!”

Me: “Have a great day.” *transfers*

Manager: *runs up* “What happened?”

Me: “I need an escort to my car in an hour.”

Manager: “Why?”

Me: “Remember that crazy person who said he would shoot up the building last month? This is worse.”

Manager: “A bomb?!”

Me: “Forced marriage.”

Manager: “S***. [Coworker]! Can you walk [My Name] to her car? You’re bigger than me!”

(And yes, Crazy Marriage Guy did show up an hour after I left. Security left the flowers at my cubicle. This is why I said it was worse. Angry people say they will kill people all the time, willy-nilly. Really crazy people try to marry you.)

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Unfiltered Story #101992

, , , | Unfiltered | December 25, 2017

(Recently moving back home I was doing my Christmas shopping last minute. I parked in a back ally lot and used a delivery door to avoid traffic. I had worked in that mall for years, knew everyone, and could tell you the ins and outs.)

*After I appeared through a side door*: Manager: You don’t work here.

Me: Nope. But remember when I did and all the fights we had? It must be my hair I’m (name).

*look of shock*

Me: Yeah. Meet my kid who’s dad you tried to dramatically raise rent on out of contract. Move!

*manager steps aside*

Me: Thank you! Hey (security guard)! You’re still here!

Unfiltered Story #102053

, , , | Unfiltered | December 18, 2017

(It is late at night and business is very slow. An older woman approaches my register ready for checkout. I scan and bag her groceries as I would with any customer. She then slides her card and it is declined due to lack of funds.)

Me: I’m sorry but your card has been declined. You don’t seem to have enough money on it to cover this order.

Customer: *In a rude tone* I have enough money on this card. I’m going to slide it again!

(The customer slides her card again and it is declined again.)

Me: I am very sorry but you don’t have enough money on your card.

Customer: But I have enough money on my card!

(She then proceeds to slide her card again and it is declined again.)

Me: *in an almost irritated tone* Mam, you don’t have enough money on your card.

Customer: *In a rude and irritated tone* Sonny, are you hard of hearing? I told you I have enough money on my card. I going to slide it again!

(I simply walk away to get a shift leader to assist me with this order. After about three minutes the customer ended up paying with cash.)

 

A Warning For A Warning

, , , , , | Working | October 24, 2017

(I am visiting my friend at her new house for the first time. There is no parking, so she says to call and she will show me somewhere to park then I get there. I pull over and call, and then start driving to our meeting space, which is a jewelry store. As I’m pulling in, a cop car turns on its lights. I stop, wait about two minutes, then try to get out to see what is going on.)

Officer #1: “Get back in your vehicle!”

Me: “Ah! Sorry!”

(I’m a woman, 5’7”, and 110 pounds. I’m not exactly threatening-looking. Another cop car shows up.)

Officer #2: “Licence registration and proof of insurance!”

(I hand it over. My license is paper because it is being replaced.)

Officer #2: “What’s this?”

Me: “My license is being replaced because I misplaced it in Israel.”

Officer #2: “What were you doing there?”

Me: “Visiting family, sir.”

Officer #2: “What are you doing here? Why were you pulled over back there?”

Me: “I’m meeting a friend. I pulled over to call her. Look: she’s texting now!”

(The text says, “How did you get surrounded by police in five minutes?!” I wait for them to process my info.)

Officer #1: *walks up* “Here. We will let you off with a warning.” *walks away*

Me: “For what?”

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Don’t Do Coke, Kids!

, , , , , , | Right | October 13, 2017

Customer #1: “What kind of soda products do you have?”

Me: “Coke.”

Customer #1: “I’ll have a Pepsi.”

Customer #2: “Dude, she just said they have Coke products.”

Customer #1: “Isn’t Coke a Pepsi product?”

Me: “Coke is Coke.”

Customer #1: “Okay. Cherry Pepsi, please.”

Customer #2: “Me, too.”

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