(It’s summer and I am very obviously pregnant at about seven months. A male customer walks by and notices my belly.)

Customer: “It’s the wrong time of year for that!”

Me: “Oh, believe me, I know.”

(He walks off to browse and I continue setting up an end cap display which includes some very low shelves. As it’s rather hard to bend down at seven months pregnant, I’m now kneeling on the floor to put things on the bottom shelves. The same customer walks by again.)

Customer: “Well, you know, that’s what got you into trouble in the first place.”

Customer: “I’d like to buy these, please.”

(The customer is an older gentleman. He has five bottles of lotion.)

Me: “Okay, let me ring you up.”

Customer: *smiles* “One for each mistress.”

Me: *laughing nervously* “Awesome.”

(The customer winks and licks his lips.)

Customer: “I can grab a sixth, if you like.”

Me: “Thank you for calling [Pharmacy]. May I help you?”

Elderly Female Customer: “I would like to get these two of my medications refilled and I want to pick them up tomorrow afternoon.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, that will be fine. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

Elderly Female Customer: “Honey, you can come to my house and do me anytime.”

Me: “I, uh, oh, uh…”

Elderly Female Customer: “I hope I didn’t offend you, but I’m old so I can say things like that!”

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(A sixty-year-old customer with a hefty beer gut comes into our clothing store. Note that I am an eighteen-year-old female.)

Customer: “Excuse me, miss, I’m looking for Speedos?”

Me: “Oh, right. Well, if you go to the front of the store and turn to your left, there are a few of them on a stand there.”

(The customer continues to stand there staring at me.)

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with, sir?”

Customer: “Would you like to see me try the Speedos on?”

Me: *horrified look*

Customer: “Just checking.”

This story is part of our Need For Hazard Pay roundup!

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(I’m female, and one day a male patron walks up to me.)

Patron: “Can you look up information on gonorrhea for me?”

Me: “Sure…”

(I start searching in various databases when I suddenly feel the patron caressing my knee.)

Patron: “You’re doing such a good job!”

Me: “…”