(I have worked at the fabric counter in a fabric and craft store for about four months. This conversation happens in May:)
Customer: “Is that two yards?”
Me: “Yes.”
Customer: “Okay. It’s just that you’re new—”
Me: “I’ve been working back here since February.”
Customer: “Oh. I don’t come in that often.”
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(While he was in high school my brother worked graveyard shifts for a rather shady motel. At the time a man had been going around robbing people at gunpoint, and had already killed a clerk who refused to hand over the money. My brother was unlucky enough to have that same man come in and rob him at gunpoint, and he was obviously terrified. He handed the guy the money and luckily wasn’t shot. Later, when the police and ambulance arrive, his boss finally comes down from his room in the motel.)
Boss: “You gave him all the money?! Even from the safe?!”
Brother: “Yeah, he said he’d shoot me otherwise.”
Boss: “That’s no excuse! These people never actually shoot anyone. You should have called their bluff. Now I need you to pay back the money he stole.”
Brother: “What?! I don’t have that kind of money!”
Boss: “Then I’ll keep all your paychecks until it’s paid for. Now finish out your shift. I don’t want to hear anything about you going home due to ‘emotional distress.’”
([Boss] then went back upstairs to his room and my brother finished his shift. My mother was furious when she found out, and stormed in to rip the boss a new one. Eventually the boss decided not to make my brother pay, offered him free psychological services, and gave him three days vacation time. My mom, being similarly generous, decided not to sue. My brother didn’t stay at the job long after that.)
(It’s a slow Monday evening, and I’m the only one cleaning theaters. Our busiest show only has five customers, and I’m waiting in the back of the auditorium with a trash can and broom for the customers to leave as the credits are rolling. [Customer #1] and [Customer #2] are attending the movie together, while [Customer #3] is part of a different group.)
Customer #1: *overheard to [Customer #2]* “Do you want to help me pick this up?”
([Customer #1] gestures to several drinks, courtesy cups, courtesy trays, and napkins strewn across their seats and the floor. I start to push the trash can as close to their row as physically possible to be helpful and drop a hint.)
Customer #2: *gestures to me* “Nah, she’ll get it. It’s whatever. Let’s go.”
Me: *seething as [Customer #1] walks past me* “Have a good evening.”
Customer #3: “Excuse me? Do you mind if I put this in here?” *gestures with empty popcorn bag to trash can*
Me: “Not at all! Thanks so much. I appreciate it! Have a nice evening.”
([Customer #2], who had been collecting her purse and jacket from her seat, turns beet red and runs out of the theater after [Customer #1], still leaving all the garbage behind.)
Me: *calling after her with as much sarcasm as I can muster without actually sounding rude* “Enjoy the rest of your evening!”
(It’s my first day working at a fabrics and craft store. It’s important to note that during that week, there was a sale from October 19th through the 25th, though in the flier there were coupons that expired throughout the week. A middle-aged man comes through my register. While I’m very friendly and try to be polite while working, I don’t have much tolerance for stupidity.)
Me: “Hi! How are you doing today?”
Customer: “I have a coupon.”
Me: “Okay, I can get that scanned in any point before I hit ‘total.’”
(The customer shoves the coupon in front of the scanner himself, and a message comes up on my screen saying it’s expired.)
Me: “Oh, I’m sorry; that coupon expired on the twentieth.”
Customer: “The flier’s good all week, though.”
Me: “Absolutely, but the coupon isn’t. See?”
(I turn the monitor towards him so he can see the message.)
Customer: “That’s false advertising!” *shoves the flier at me* “The flier says it’s good until the twenty-fifth!”
Me: *taking that moment to hold the flier to get a proper look* “Yes, but sir, on the coupon it clearly says it expired on the twentieth.”
Customer: “THAT’S FALSE ADVERTISING.”
Me: “Sir, it clearly states an expiration date. The flier is for sales going on this week.”
(I take a highlighter used for marking receipts and mark the expiration date on the coupon.)
Customer: “I’m going to sue you, personally, for false advertising.”
Me: *at my limit* “Good luck. Your item is [amount].”
(I’m subbing for a second-grade class and have just lined them up for recess.)
Me: “[Student], go put your coat on. It’s cold and windy out today.”
Student: “I can’t find it.”
Me: “Check your locker.”
Student: *opens locker* “It’s not here.”
Me: “Is it in your backpack?”
Student: “No. I looked.”
Me: “Is it at your desk?” *checks with her*
Student: “No.”
Me: “Were you wearing a coat when you came to school this morning?”
Student: “I don’t know.”
Me: *sighs* “Okay. Let’s just go outside, and if you get cold tell me.”
Student: “Okay.” *plays for a while then runs over to me* “I’m cold.”
Me: “Go inside and ask the nurse if she has a coat or sweater you can borrow.”
Student: “Okay.”
(She comes back out a few minutes later with a coat TIED AROUND HER WAIST, and plays like that for the rest of recess. Later, at dismissal time:)
Student: “Hey, I found my coat!”
Me: “Oh, good. Where was it?”
Student: “In my backpack.”
