(We have two functioning tills, but we only open the second one when it gets busy and we have enough people. Currently, we have one till open. A man goes up to the second till.)

Coworker #1: “Excuse me, that till is closed. Can I get you to come over here so we can serve you?”

Customer: “No. I want to be served here.”

Coworker #1: “I see, but seeing as that till is closed, you won’t be. Please come over here.”

Customer: “No. You will serve me here.”

(My coworker shrugs and goes back to other customers, while the man just crosses his arms and stands at the till. A second coworker shows up two minutes later for his shift and notices the man.)

Coworker #2: “Sorry, seems like that till is closed. Can you please move over to the line by the other till?”

Customer: “No! I want two mulled wines, here!”

Coworker #2: “I’m sorry, but you’re gonna have to go over to the line to be served.”

Customer: “I can’t believe you won’t just serve me here.”

Coworker #2: “We’ll serve you over at the other till.”

Customer: “I’ll wait here.”

([Coworker #2] also just shrugs and goes to work. I’m standing awkwardly in the middle, minding the baked goods and the oven, listening to the man huff and puff. I notice people start to queue behind him.)

Me: *directed to the people behind him* “Sorry, can you please move to the line by the other till, where we’re serving people?”

(The other people very politely move, while the man dramatically throws out his arms.)

Customer: “I want to be served here! Why is that so hard?!”

(In the end, he stood there for twenty minutes before he got the hint and left. We still talk about him at work.)

Related:
Lack Of Register Does Not Register, Part 12
Lack Of Register Does Not Register, Part 11
Lack Of Register Does Not Register, Part 10

(I recently started working in a café in a fancy neighborhood, the kind that gets snobby ladies with their small dogs. The kitchen just closed and we’re getting the last orders out to the customers. I approach a table with two ladies sitting and give them their food.)

Customer: *snaps her fingers* “Sweetie, sorry, but I also ordered fries.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, but the kitchen gave me everything for your order. Let me just go check.”

(I highly doubt the kitchen has forgotten to make her fries, as they always closely check orders, but I check, and there’s nothing there for her. By now, the kitchen has been mostly cleaned and closed.)

Me: “Sorry, there really isn’t anything else. The kitchen is closed, but I can give you a free slice of cake after you’ve eaten, instead?”

Customer: “Ugh, no, I can’t have cake!”

Me: “Well… Should I bring you some more bread?”

Customer: “I can’t have bread, either!”

(I eye her bread bowl; she’s eating our other kind of bread so it isn’t a gluten allergy.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m out of options now.”

Customer: “But I’m going to be hungry! This isn’t enough; I wanted my fries! Young lady, I am a highly influential person on Instagram! I have over fifteen thousand followers! I just posted about being here; you’re going to lose a lot of customers! I’ll tell all of my friends!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you didn’t want any of the options I gave you, so I don’t know what to tell you.”

Customer: “I’ll tell my fifteen thousand followers about this!”

Me: “Again, I’m sorry, but the kitchen is closed.”

(With that, I walked off and BARELY made it behind the counter before I burst into laughter. She really tried to threaten us with her fifteen thousand followers!)

Related:
Will Not Be Influenced By The Influencer

(I work at a small corner store where we only have two registers. I am currently manning register #1, while register #2 is closed as my coworker is on cleaning duty. I have no line as a customer comes up and starts unloading onto register #2.)

Me: “Excuse me, sir. Can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, you can. Over here.”

Me: “I am sorry, sir, that register is currently closed as I am here by myself. Could I get you to move over here?”

Customer: “H*** no. I am over here and you just have to move your lazy a** over to the customer.” 

Me: “I am very sorry, sir, but that register is currently closed. I can help you over here.”

Customer: “Fine. I’ll move, since you’re soooo unwilling to move a few feet over here.”

Me: “Again, I must inform you, that register is closed. Closed.”

Customer: “Hmpf. It is just a far from here to the lottery terminal as from over there.”

Me: “Sir! The other register is closed! C-L-O-S-E-D. CLOSED.”

Customer: “That wasn’t so hard, now was it? God, you really are lazy when you can’t even walk two feet over there.”

Me: *now pointing to the two registers* “CLOSED. OPEN. OPEN. CLOSED!”

Customer: “Lazy S.O.B.!” *pays and walks away*

Due to very complicated administrative reasons, my partner and I could not get married in a timely fashion in either of our home countries or the country where we currently reside. After much research, we hit on Denmark as our best possible option and applied to be civilly married there. Our application came back approved a week later and we started planning our trip. Neither of us makes very much money and we’re both fairly thrifty by nature so we make things work the best we can. We plan to spend the minimum amount of time possible in Copenhagen, we book the cheapest possible non-refundable flights on a budget airline, and we decide to stay in a hostel dorm with access to a kitchen so we can self-cater.

There is one thing I want to splurge on: I want pics of the big day because I have a terrible memory and because it’s just the two of us basically eloping and we both have friends and family who wanted to be there but couldn’t.

My partner thinks I’m being a bit silly about it but agrees, if we can find someone in budget. I look for professional, reputable photographers but I can’t find anyone in budget and I rapidly realize that all listed options that I’m finding are much more than we need or want.  

Finally, I come to the conclusion that it would be cheaper for us to fly and accommodate a third person out with us to do the photography than it would be to get a professional. I ask colleagues and local friends if anyone’s free for a random two-day jaunt to Copenhagen. 

A friend of a friend is free, and he and I sit down together and book his tickets and hostel. All’s well until we go to check in online before our flight. My partner and I check in with no problem. [Friend of Friend] goes to check in and it turns out that somehow, despite having two sets of eyes on the whole booking from start to finish, I somehow managed to book him the wrong way round — Copenhagen to our city and then our city back to Copenhagen. Since we did the cheapest possible booking, the tickets were non-refundable and the price has since dramatically increased.

My partner accepts this all very philosophically but is annoyed about the lost money. I am incredibly upset and can’t believe how stupid I was.

In desperation, I try a FB page related to Copenhagen and I pour out the whole story of my stupidity with the booking and begging someone, anyone, to come to take pictures of us in exchange for a few mementos from our city.

Someone does get back to me and says he can do it.

I am happy but don’t want to be too happy in case it doesn’t work out. My partner is much more openly skeptical. But on the day of, our impromptu photographer shows up and spends the morning taking pictures of us! He is so thoughtful and has such good ideas for places and poses! I couldn’t have asked for a better photographer! Thanks to him, we have beautiful photos to show our friends and family!

(I’m working with my manager, a roughly 40-year-old woman who is really pretty. Things are rather slow, and a tipsy man stumbles up and orders a beer.)

Customer: “Hey, you guys must be really lonely here; it must be so boring.”

Me: “We’re okay; we’re working.”

Customer: “I have a lot of money, you know. I’m really high up at work.”

Me: *hands him his change* “That’s nice.”

Customer: “Like, a lot of money.” *sees my manager* “Oh, hello, you’re just my type.”

Manager: *slams down his beer and stares coldly at him* “I’m everybody’s type.”

(I was too busy laughing to see the man’s reaction, but we didn’t hear from him again.)