I used to live in a three-story house with two other families. The woman who lived on the first floor acted as a sort of concierge and interfering busybody for the landlords. She was always on my case about things that did not exist or noise at times I was not home. God protect me if I was typing or walking across the kitchen floor after midnight.

She absolutely refused to ever lock up at night, leaving all the connecting doors unlocked and wide open. Then, she would complain if someone came in and took things off her porch. The other family and I kept asking her to lock up at night, but she said we were ridiculous and didn’t trust people. (We didn’t; our city is notorious.)

Still, we were all pretty friendly and we all hung out once or twice a week.

Her cousin moved in with her and her kids and, starting in the winter, she and the cousin would wake me up in the morning because their car batteries were dead; since I had the only functioning car, I would throw on boots and a jacket and run downstairs in my pajamas to give them a boost.

After I had done this several times over the course of the month, I asked why on earth their batteries were always dead.  

“Oh, someone keeps coming in here at night,” they explained, “and they open all our car doors, turn all the lights on, and leave them to sit all night long.”

“That’s awful!” I said. “Shouldn’t you tell the police?”

“Nah, it’s just some kid feeling his oats.”

She watched me unlock my car, get in, and start it up so I could give her the boost.

She nudged her cousin and said, “Do you believe her? She locks her car at night!” The cousin expressed similar disbelief and disdain. They actually called me distrustful and mean for locking the car.

I looked at them both for a few minutes while the car recharged and finally, I said, “Well, I may be mean and distrustful, but which one of us has a car that is able to boost everyone else’s?”

They just looked at me as if I was positively evil and repeated again that I must be small-minded and racist for locking my car at night.

“Okay,” I said. “From now on, you’d better find someone else to boost your cars, because we are going to pretend that mine is also possessed of a dead battery.”

I was so glad when I was able to find a nicer, bigger rent in a way nicer part of town.

A library patron comes in to ask for a movie that is still in the theater. I remind her that the movie is still in the theater.

Me: “You and your daughter are gonna have to go to the theater and see it there, [Patron].”

Patron: “Nah. It would cost twenty dollars for the two of us, popcorn, and sodas. Well, put me on the list for when you get it. I just need to see the end so I know what happens.”

Me: “Won’t you want to watch all of it?”

Patron: “I’ve seen almost all of it.”

Me: “You just told me you won’t go to the theater.”

Patron: “No, it costs too much. It would be twenty dollars for [Daughter] and me to see it at a matinee. So, I bought a copy from the store up the street.”

Me: “You bought a bootleg copy from the corner shop?”

Patron: “Yeah. It was fifteen dollars, but only the first part of it was clear because then someone sat in front of the guy filming it and I couldn’t see the rest. So, I went to [Another Store on a different street] and got a bootleg there for twenty bucks; the beginning was messed up, but we watched the middle okay. Now we need to see the ending.”

Me: “[Patron], forgive me for being skeptical, but did you just hear yourself? You bought two bad bootleg copies for fifteen dollars more than you would have spent at the theater.”

Patron: “Yeah, I just hate spending so much for the theater.”

Me: “…?”

I am a merchandiser for a popular card company. This means I go by myself to each store and set up our card display. The day after Valentine’s, I am doing a changeover from said holiday’s cards to the next holiday. It’s a six-hour job, so my boss sends me someone else to help out so we can do it in three.

I arrive at the second store first and, per my boss’ suggestion, box off the area we will be working in. I also tell the store manager — whom I do not work for — what my boss suggested, and he tells me to do what I need to do. I am missing something, so I call my boss to see if I’m looking in the right place.

An older lady walks up and sees my barrier. I have already started taking cards down and have about eight open boxes to look for what I’m missing.

Old Lady: “Can you move some boxes so I can get through?”

I tell my boss to hold on and turn to the old lady.

Me: “So sorry, I’ve had to block off this area to reset it. There are lots of boxes and trash so it could be dangerous. Would you mind going around?”

Old Lady: “I have a f****** cane! This is ridiculous!”

My Boss: “What?”

While the lady is walking down the other aisle, so she’s probably within earshot:

Me: “Sorry, [Boss], I was getting sworn at.”

Each section of cards is four feet, meaning the aisle is sixteen feet. One side of the aisle I was working on was eight feet and the other six, so I had a cart slanted in the middle of the aisle for customers to shop on the other side. Basically, I got sworn at because this lady didn’t want to walk not even twenty-five feet. And they say my generation is lazy!

I’m working in the tech section of a large office supply chain. I have been doing quite well selling our service plans with the products lately, so I feel fairly confident when a scruffy-looking guy in his mid-twenties walks in.

Me: “Is there anything I can help you with, sir?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m looking for a GPS.”

Me: “Great, they’re right over this way.”

We walk over to the section with all our GPS systems.

Me: “Here we go. Anything specific you’re looking for?”

He picks one out pretty quickly. It’s a good basic model, and one that I would very much recommend for the price.

Customer: “Good.”

Me: “Could I interest you in also purchasing one of our service plans?”

Customer: “Well, what are my options?”

Me: “Okay, well, for [price], there is a plan where we can replace the GPS with a brand-new one if it fails or breaks within a year.”

Customer: “Hmm, any other plans?”

Me: “No, sir, not for the GPS systems.”

Customer: “I thought you had plans where you… fix it in the store… or something.”

Me: “We do, but not for the GPS systems, unfortunately, because we aren’t equipped to adequately fix them in-store.”

Customer: “Well, I want that plan.”

Me: “Sir, it’s not available for the GPS systems.”

Customer: “I want that one.”

This goes on for ten minutes, before he storms off with the GPS, grabs a brochure for the plan he can’t have, and heads to a cashier who has JUST opened her register.

Customer: “I want this with this plan.”

I tried to go warn the cashier that he’d just be wasting money, but my manager stopped me and said we’d done our best. The customer bought the non-existent plan. Three weeks later, he came back in… and we had to go through this whole process again.

I’m working as a seasonal employee with the Department of Energy and Environmental Protection Forestry Division. The Wildlife department stocks various fish and birds for hunters and fishermen at certain points in the year. The animals don’t often survive for very long because they are bred in farms so they don’t understand survival. It’s also one of the last days for bird hunting.

A man walks into the office and sees me.

Man: “Are you who I talk to about pheasant stocking?”

Me: “Oh, no, I’m just a seasonal.”

My supervisor walks out.

Supervisor: “Hello! What can I help you with?”

Man: “I went out to hunt today and I couldn’t find any, but there were a bunch of dead ones at the base of a tree! It’s those d*** hawks; they’re everywhere!”

Supervisor: “Uh, yeah. So what’s the problem?”

Man: “I didn’t get any. Those d*** hawks keep getting them. They aren’t even eating them! There’s too many.”

Supervisor: “Well, yeah, we can’t control nature. What constitutes too many?”

Man: “You just see them everywhere on the highway; you see them on the lamp posts.”

Supervisor: “Well, it’s the Division of Wildlife that stocks them. I can get you their number.”

My supervisor gives the man the number and he leaves.

Me: “Was he implying we need to hunt an apex predator? Or tell them to stop hunting? He is aware that they control populations, right?”

My supervisor is momentarily at a loss for words.

Supervisor: “I guess I’ll give Wildlife a heads-up.”

Turns out they get a lot of complaints like that.