(I’m a service coordinator for a cellphone provider and I receive a phone call from a customer wanting help setting up his email.)

Customer: “Okay, I’m into the email setup, but now, it’s asking for an email address and password. What email do I use?”

Me: “Whichever email you want coming to the phone.”

Customer: “I want my work email.”

Me: “Then, enter your work email address and password.”

Customer: “What is my password?”

Me: “I don’t know your password, sir. Only you should know that.”

Customer: “I don’t know it. Where can I get it?”

Me: “It will be the same password you enter when checking your email at work.”

Customer: “You mean [password]?”

Me: “Um, yes, enter that. For future reference, you shouldn’t give out your password to people.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “That is how your email is secured so that others cannot access it. Someone who knows it could log into your email and send false emails or delete your emails on you.”

Customer: “What? I don’t want that. Give it back!”

Me: “Give what back?”

Customer: “My password! I don’t want you logging into my email!”

Me: “I’m not sure what you’re asking, sir. You verbally spoke your password. I cannot give it back.”

Customer: “Well, this is just great. Now the whole world can access my email!”

Me: “I assure you, sir, that nothing will happen. We honor customer security and nobody will know your password.”

Customer: “But you know it.”

Me: “Yes, because you told me. However, I will not do anything with it. As I said, we honor customer security and all information is confidential. You have nothing to worry about.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “Did you manage to finish the setup?”

Customer: “What setup?”

Me: “You were setting up your email, did it go through?”

Customer: “It’s still asking for a password.”

Me: “Enter the password you said before and click ‘OK’. You should get a prompt saying it was successfully setup.”

Customer: “You mean [password]?”

Me: “Yes, enter that.”

Customer: “Okay, it says it was successful.”

Me: “You should start getting email now. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Customer: “So, can you keep my password in case I need it again?”

(Two teenage girls, about fifteen years old, are in my store trying to buy perfume. On the counter, there are two bottles of our store brand perfume beside each other. There is a small bottle and there is a large bottle.)

Me: “So, the large bottle is $25.00 and the small bottle is $15.00.”

Customer #1: “Which bottle is the small one?”

Me: *confused* “The smaller one of these two.”

Customer #1: “Oh…”

(The girls wander around the store and comment on how cute our sandals are.)

Me: “Our sandals are really nice. They’re actually buy one, get one half off.”

Customer #2: “What do you mean?”

Me: “You buy one pair of sandals, and you get the second pair half off.”

Customer #2: “Wait, what?!”

(The girl looks at me genuinely confused. At this point, I have no other way to explain buy one get one half off, so I just repeat what I said.)

Me: “You buy one pair of sandals, and you get the other for half the price.”

Customer #1: “I don’t understand…”

(The girls eventually give up. As they walk out of the store, I overhear them talking to each other.)

Customer #1: *to Customer #2* “I don’t get what ‘Buy one, get one half off’ means!”

(A customer comes in to return a home leg waxing kit.)

Me: “Can I ask why you are unsatisfied with this product?”

Customer: “It hurts!”

Me: “Yes, because waxing involves ripping the hair out by the roots.”

Customer: “Well, it shouldn’t hurt!”

(Note: this is an office supply store.)

Customer: “Do you sell condiments?”

Me: *confused* “Condiments? Like ketchup and mustard? No.”

Customer: “No, like, plastic forks.”

Me: “You mean… cutlery?”

Customer: “Yeah, I guess.”

Me: “No, we don’t sell cutlery either…”

Customer: “I need help finding a cord to plug my printer into my computer. It’s a [printer] and a Mac computer.”

Me: “Well, all printer cables are universal these days, so I’ll show you where they are.”

(We go to the cable aisle.)

Me: “This is the cable you’ll need. It comes in two different lengths.”

Customer: “This is the one I need?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Just like that?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “You just know this is the cable I need?”

Me: “Yes, they are all the same.”

Customer: “How do you know?”

Me: “Because all the cables are made the same. This square part goes in the printer, and this part goes in your computer.”

Customer: “And you just know this is the right one?”

Me: “Yes, there is only one kind.”

Customer: “And you’re sure?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “How?”

Me: “Because they are all universal.”

Customer: “But how do you know that?”

Me: “I don’t know. Maybe because I work here?”

Customer: “Well, if this isn’t the right one, I’ll be bringing it back!”