(I’m working and chatting with two of my coworkers after one of our regularly scheduled weekly meetings. One coworker is known for being outspoken and was hired shortly after I was, so we’ve worked together for years. The other is fairly new and quiet. [Coworker #1] and I are discussing a frustration we are having with some of the things our boss said at the meeting, and although she’s more upset about it than I am, it’s a fairly amicable discussion.)

Coworker #1: “I’ve tried bringing it up with HR, but they just say they can’t do anything about it.”

Me: “Well, just to play devil’s advocate, it’s possible that [Boss] meant it in a different way. I know it wasn’t appropriate, but I don’t think that was their intention.”

Coworker #1: “Ugh. Whatever.”

(Silence.)

Coworker #2: “Hey, did you guys know that Adolf Hitler had some Jews who worked for him that he pardoned, including a doctor that saved his mom’s life? He called them ‘Noble Jews.'”

Coworker #1: “Um… no? That’s very interesting and… very random.”

Coworker #2: “Well, it seemed tense in here, so I thought I’d change the subject and try to calm things down…”

Me: “With Hitler?!“

(I work in a casino. This particular story happens on a rather slow Sunday night. Sometimes, when an attendant has trouble explaining a game to a customer, they’ll call a technician over to better explain it. When I arrive at the game, it appears to be up and running; note that there is no money loaded on the game at this point, and that the customer is quite intoxicated.)

Attendant: “Can you just check the game’s history for me? She says she put in $20 and that nothing happened; I looked in the history and it was all played out, but she won’t listen.”

(I check the history and sure enough, $20 was put in maybe twenty minutes before my arrival, and all $20 was played out in ten games.)

Attendant: “Ma’am, your $20 was played out. Ten games at $2 per game makes $20.”

Customer: “But… but what happened?”

Attendant: “Your money’s been played out. You have none left on the game.”

Customer: “But it froze up!” *smacks some buttons* “Why doesn’t it work?”

Attendant & Me: “You ran out of money. There is no money on the game to play with.”

Customer: “But, but it was working for a while and then it just froze! What happened?!”

(At this point, a man walks over to the game to see what’s going on; it appears he knows the woman. We explain to him what’s happened and he understands immediately. He tells the woman they’re leaving and takes her by the arm, practically dragging her away because she won’t move. Eventually, he gets her to leave with him, but not after some wailing on her part.)

Customer: “NNNNNOOOOOOOOOO, it froze on me!”

(The attendant and I just exchanged looks, shrugged, and walked off. The lesson? Don’t drink and gamble.)

(I’m shopping in a store whose employees wear blue shirts and khaki pants. I’m wearing a black “Jurassic Park” T-shirt and black jeans.)

Customer: *looking directly at me* “Excuse me. Where are your restrooms?”

Me: “Hmm?” *looks around briefly, finding that I’m the only other person in the aisle* “Oh, I don’t work here, but those doors right there are restrooms.” *points*

Customer: “Thank you.”

(The strange part is, I did work for the store’s chain before… over a year ago and in a state over eight hundred miles away. At that moment, I feared that I’d worked for the company for so long that customers would always be able to sense the company on me, no matter where I went or what I wore.)

This story is part of our “I Don’t Work Here” roundup!

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A buddy of mine told me this story. He is at the courthouse to pay a parking ticket when a woman approaches him and asks him, in Spanish, if he would help translate for her. My friend only speaks rudimentary Spanish, but he figures it is just filling out the paperwork, so he says yes.

The woman leads him to a window and tells the clerk, “This is my translator.” The clerk directs them through a door. It turns out to be an office. The man in the office at the desk introduces himself as a judge.

At that point, my friend is very confused and quickly asks the judge what exactly is going on. Turns out, the woman is here to dispute a ticket and they don’t have a translator on the grounds. They called someone, but he won’t be in until that afternoon, and the woman doesn’t want to wait. So, she went out and found the nearest Spanish-speaker on her own.

My friend then tries to tell the judge about the misunderstanding and that his Spanish isn’t the best. The judge only looks at him and says, “Did you tell her you would help her?”

My friend says yes.

The judge replies, “Well, then, if you said you would help her, you’re going to help her.” My friend just sits there, astounded, while the judge launches into the questioning.

Luckily, there’s a happy ending. It turns out the woman was in the subway with her baby, and unbeknownst to her, the baby dropped a toy. A policeman nearby then wrote her up on a ticket for littering — yes, really! Of course, the judge thought it was stupid and dismissed the ticket, so it was all over in less than thirty minutes.

But my friend still can’t believe the judge insisted!

I am using a computer in a public library. Another patron, roughly fifty feet away from me, is leaving the building. I am paying no attention to her and am silent, as I’m using the computer. The room is also pretty quiet, until the patron suddenly speaks loudly and angrily, saying, “I’m going to smash some teenagers on the floor here!”

I look up to see if some kids are causing a problem, or if she is harassing kids without cause. There are no kids around her or anywhere else in the room. As I try to figure out who she’s talking about, she catches my eye, glares at me, points at me threateningly, and then walks out of the library. I am 29.