(Our laser tag equipment works on radio waves. The laser is only there to see the general area you’re aiming for. Two customers approach me.)

Customer #1: “Will these blind you if you get shot in the eye?”

Me: “No, ma’am. It’s a very low powered beam. It is a bit disconcerting when you get tagged in the eye, but that’s just your eye adjusting suddenly to the bright light in the darkness.”

Customer #1: “Are you sure it won’t hurt your eyes?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. To do any damage at all, you would have to stare down the barrel and shoot yourself in the eye repeatedly.”

([Customer #2] immediately looked into the barrel and held down the trigger.)

Customer: “The stop button on your roulette wheel isn’t working.”

Me: “Let me see.”

(I put a token into the machine. I allow the customer to play to show me what’s wrong.)

Customer: “See, now when I hit the stop button, it keeps going.”

Me: “The stop button only starts it slowing down to stop.”

Customer: “No, I mean the ball.”

Me: “Sir, the button does not control the ball.”

Customer: “What does?”

Me: “Physics?”

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(A customer asked me to help with the Skee-Ball machine.)

Me: “Is the machine broken or malfunctioning?”

Customer: “Do you know where the skis are?”

Me: “…excuse me?”

Customer: “Ski ball. Where are the skis for me to play with?”

Me: “Skis?”

Customer: “As in cross-country skis?”

Me: “This isn’t that kind of Skee-Ball. You pick up the ball and roll it up there.”

Customer: “Then why is there a slope with a ramp on it at the end?”

Me: “For you to roll the ball up?”

Customer: “IT’S A SKI SLOPE! Although it’s kind of… backward.” *examines the machine*

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(It’s my job to exchange prizes for tickets. A customer comes up to me and I count their tickets.)

Me: “You have 24 tickets.”

([Customer #1] looks around at prizes.)

Customer #1: “How much is that remote control car?”

Me: “That’s 600 tickets. You should probably look at the smaller prizes you can afford, like the rings and rubber snakes. They are only two tickets each.”

Customer #1: “Okay, I’ll take that lava lamp.”

Me: “I’m sorry, the lava lamp is 14,000 tickets and you have 24, so I highly suggest looking at cheaper prizes like these rubber snakes.”

([Customer #1] finally decides he needs to go get more tickets and returns to playing games. Another customer approaches and I count their tickets.)

Me: “You have 650 tickets.”

Customer #2: “Okay, I’d like eighty of the snakes but only red and green ones.”

Me: “Wouldn’t you prefer a remote control car or this water gun?”

Customer #2: “No, I want snakes!”

This story is part of our Snakes roundup!

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(One customer complains about a game that is not giving tickets. Upon looking at the game, I discover that a fuse is blown. I place several “Out of Order” stickers over the coin slot and refund the customer. Two minutes later another customer approaches.)

Customer: “I just put a coin in this game and won tickets but none came out.”

Me: “I placed an ‘Out of Order’ sticker on the coin slot. Is it not on there anymore?”

Customer: “You mean these? They were in the way so I removed them. Can I get a refund?”

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