(I work at a place where we have arcade games and things like that. We also have alligators out front that you can get food for and feed if you want to. None of the staff mess with the gators; we mostly just leave them alone.)

Me: “Hello, sir, can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, you can. My family and I want to swim with the alligators. How much is that?”

Me: “Um, sir, we don’t offer that service because… the gators will eat you.”

Customer: “That’s stupid! I know you’re lying to me! They are tamed; otherwise you couldn’t feed them. Go get your manager!”

Me: *goes and gets manager, and tells manager what happened*

Manager: “If you want to go swim with the gators go ahead. Free of charge.”

Customer: “Finally someone with sense!”

Manager: *turns to me* “Sometimes you just gotta save the savable.”

(I’m at a movie theatre with my kids and their friends and we’re early for the movie, There is an arcade in the waiting area and although I don’t usually give them money for those, I decide to today. I have a $5 bill and go looking for the change machine, but since this is 2016 instead of 1986, you need to buy a card to use in the games so I approach the cashier.)

Me: “Hi. So, how does this work? I just want to let each of the kids play one game.”

Cashier: “You need to buy a card and we sell them in these denominations.” *shows me a screen with $5, $25, $50, etc.*

Me: *somewhat annoyed that I can’t just give each kid a dollar to play a game* “Okay, I only have a $5 bill. The $5 card is just $5, right? No extra charges, fees, or anything more?”

Cashier: “Yep, the cards only cost that amount, nothing more.”

Me: “Okay, great. Since this is the only cash I have, I’ll take a $5 card please.” *handing him my $5 bill*

Cashier: “That will be $5.65.”

Me: “Wait, you said it was only $5, nothing more.”

Cashier: “Well, of course there is tax. I didn’t think you meant that.”

(At least I found some change at the bottom of my purse. Since when are arcade games taxed?!)

(I am good friends with someone who runs the laser tag booth of an arcade. She and I are chatting when a laser tag player comes up to the booth.)

Laser Tag Player: “Excuse me?”

Friend: “How can I help you?”

Laser Tag Player: “My gun stopped working.”

Friend: “Oh, that stinks. Yeah… some of the guns don’t work very well.”

Me: “Just make your own noises.”

(The laser tag player looks at me dumbfounded.)

Me: “You know, pew pew!”

(The laser tag player looks at my friend, and my friend giggles and shrugs.)

Friend: “That’s a good idea.”

Laser Tag Player: “Oh… oh, okay.” *she turns to walk away*

Friend: “Ma’am, we were only joking! I’ll grab you a new gun.”

(We both laughed hysterically.)

(About two years ago, we switched over to electronic tickets. Whenever a guest plays a game and wins tickets, our system automatically records that their card gets that many tickets, which we scan and subtract appropriately in the prize room. Despite this becoming relatively common among other arcades, the numerous signs we post, and that our cashiers routinely inform guests about the system, we still get asked about it daily. On this day, a boy and his little sister approach me.)

Guest: “Hi, I have a question.”

Me: *already bracing myself for practically the only question I ever get* “Sure, what’s up?”

Guest: “Well, my sister played [Game]. It said she won four tickets, but nothing came out.”

Me: “That’s because we don’t give out physical tickets anymore. It’s all tracked on your game card.”

Guest: “Ooooh! You guys should probably put up a sign or something.”

Me: “Actually, we have many signs, all around the room.”

(The boy hangs his head in defeat, clearly acknowledging his inattentiveness.)

Me: “You see how effective signs are.”

(The general manager walks into our office.)

General Manager: “Hey, how’s it going? I just got this letter from [“Important” Person]. I’m going to scan it to my computer and send it to you so you can print it out and bring it to me.”

Me: “Uhm, but, I’m sorry, why?”

General Manager: “I’ll need a copy for my own records.”

Me: “Isn’t the copy in your hands?”

General Manager: “[My Name], haha, you’re right! I’ll email it to you right away.”

Me: “Still not logical!”