(It’s not unusual, in the middle of a transaction, for a family to notice that they’ve forgotten their sunscreen. As I’m whiter than a ghost, usually I need to wear sunscreen even in the shaded booth, so I bring my own bottle into the booth for protection. If a family who treats me nice, forgets their own sunscreen, I’ll let them use some of mine.)

Mom: “Oh, no! We forgot sunscreen!”

Dad: “Do you sell any of it in the park?”

Me: “We do, but I have to admit, it’s five dollars, it’s 15 SPF, and it’s the size of travel tube of toothpaste.”

Dad: “Oh, man!”

Me: “But… I actually have a bottle of 60 SPF for my own personal use. I’d be willing for you to use some for free.”

Dad: “Oh, thank you!”

(He turns to his wife who wasn’t paying attention to his conversation with me.)

Dad: “Honey, she says we can use her sunscreen.”

(I hand the woman the bottle, and she takes it. Suddenly, she puts it in the stroller and starts walking away.)

Me: “Wait! Wait! WAIT!”

(The dad stops his wife and grabs the bottle.)

Dad: “She meant, to borrow.”

Mom: “Oh.”

(As a pizza delivery driver, at the beginning of my shift I am given a supply of fives and ones to make change for customers if needed. This is known as a “bank.” At the end of the shift, I am reimbursed for my mileage, less the amount of my bank. On this night, things are pretty slow, so I actually owe the store money.)

Shift Leader: “Okay, you got a $20 bank, and your mileage comes to $13.34, so you owe us…” *gives quizzical look*

Me: “$6.66, right?”

Shift Leader: “Huh! Yeah! Too funny!” *yells to another driver* “Hey, check this out! [My Name] owes us $6.66 for his bank!”

Me: “And my soul!”

This story is featured in our Religious Customers roundup!

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(I work customer service for a large Canadian grocery retailer. This exchange takes place just around Thanksgiving, when we had signs for Diwali and Halloween as well.)

Customer: “Excuse me! What are these signs?”

(She gestures to the purple signs above a display of flowers which read ‘Happy Diwali’.)

Me: “Those are signs for Diwali. It’s the Indian Festival of Lights, celebrated by a billion-plus people worldwide.”

Customer: “Take it down.”

Me: “…I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Take it down. I don’t like it. How racist.”

Me: “I assure you the holiday is not racist, as everyone is invited to participate if they would like to, and the deals we have for the holiday are applicable to all customers.”

Customer: “But I don’t get to participate! I don’t like it. I want you to take it down.”

Me: “Well, do you celebrate Thanksgiving?”

Customer: “Yes. But these people are—”

Me: “—These people may not celebrate Thanksgiving, or Halloween, or Christmas, and we are an equal opportunity employer, so we accommodate several cultures and their respective traditions. As well as Diwali, we market for Chinese New Year’s and Eid.

Customer: “You must take this sign down, or I will be calling head office.”

Me: “You can get their number at the customer service desk. Head Office sent us these signs. They also wished their Indian employees a Happy Diwali. If you have any other questions, I’ll be happy to help; otherwise, I’m afraid we cannot continue this discussion.”

Customer: “Fine! I’ll call them! I’ll be sure to give them your name, too!”

Me: “That’s quite all right with me. My name is [distinctly North Indian name] and I hope you have a happy Thanksgiving. Happy Diwali, as well!”

This story is part of the Lunar New Year roundup!

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(It’s Christmas time and I work at a store that’s primarily known for selling costume jewelry, like plastic, surgical steel, and cubic zirconia. As it’s the holiday season and the store is heavily marketed towards women, anytime one of the staff sees a man walk into the store we automatically assume that they’re shopping for someone else, and usually needs help navigating through the eons of pink. On this day I see one such man.)

Me: “Hi there! Can I help you find something today?”

Man: “Uh, yeah, I’m looking for a ring.”

Me: “All right. If you’ll follow me I’ll take you straight to them.”

(I take him to the rings and start showing him the different products.)

Me: “So, is there anything that catches your eye?”

Man: “Not really. I’m looking for something really fancy looking. Like one that looks like a real diamond ring.”

Me: “Well, unfortunately, we don’t have much. We used to have a lot of that kind of stuff, but the company’s decided to focus more on trendy designs. Are you sure it has to be fancy looking?”

Man: “Yeah, it has to look like an engagement ring. I’m playing a trick on my girlfriend.”

Me: “…uh, maybe you could try [Competitor]?”

Man: “Oh, thanks! I’ll check there.”

(The man leaves as I stand there, flabbergasted at what he had just told me. Later I tell the story to a coworker and her response said it all.)

Coworker: “Well, I hope he immediately pulls out a real ring, or he’s going to be spending this New Year’s alone.”

(I work at a hockey stadium ticket booth. A customer is using the ‘F’ word a ridiculous amount of times. Everyone is getting tired of this guy, but none faster than the six-year-old girl behind him in line.)

Little Girl:  “My mom says if ya can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all!”

Crowd: *various sounds of agreement and thanks that she said what they felt they couldn’t*

Customer: “Well, your mom must be a [10-second string of words and phrases that should NEVER be spoken to a child, EVER].”

Little Girl:  *crinkles her face up* “If you followed that rule you’d never talk again!”

(The crowd laughed loudly at the remark, and the foul-mouthed customer and his friend were shamed out of line. I comped half her father’s order.)

Related:
From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 8
From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 7
From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 6
From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 5
From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 4