(I was working in the back, getting things ready for the next floor set, and I had to pull some mannequins from the floor and dress them. I was dragging one of the full-body forms towards the back, when a customer approached me.)
Customer: “Excuse me, do you work here?”
(Note that I’m wearing the uniform and I still have a headset in my ear.)
Me: “No, ma’am, I’m stealing this mannequin.”
Customer: “Oh, okay. thanks.”
(She turns around to find someone else to help her.)
Me: “Thank you for calling [Cinema]. How can I help you?”
Some Stoner: “Yeah. Do you have any funny movies?”
Me: “Sure…”
(I go through the list of comedies.)
Stoner: “Oh. I watched Toy Story today while I was high. That was pretty funny, seeing those toys running around all f**ked up. Do you have anything like that?”
(I put down the phone for a moment to stifle my laugh.)
Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we do not have any drug-induced movies playing right now.”
Stoner: “Oh. Well, uh… I’m gonna watch Toy Story 2 now.”
(Stoner hangs up.)
Man on phone: “Hi, I don’t think this DVD is working properly.”
Me: “What happened, exactly?”
Man on phone: “We put it in and it plays, but the movie is only a couple minutes long and then it starts over again.”
Me: “Are there any words on the screen?”
Man on phone: “Yes. The title of the movie and some other things.”
Me: “Is there a word that says Play or Play Movie?”
Man on phone: “Yes.”
Me: “Just hit the play button on your remote control or DVD player.”
Man on phone: “Wow! Thanks! It’s doing something else now. I just thought it was a short movie.”
(A female comes into the bar and asks to use the toilets.)
Me: “Sorry, toilets are for customer use only.”
Her: “I just started my period. If you don’t let me use the toilet, I’m going to bleed all over your floor.”
Me: “First door on the left.”
(This customer called in to reactivate her account. She didn’t remember the original password so I reset it for her)
Me: “All right, your password must be at least six characters in length, contain letters and numbers, and cannot be a common dictionary word. What would you like it to be?”
Customer: “Eat sh*t.”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Customer: “The password–eatsh*t.”
Me: “Alright… but it requires a number.”
Customer: “Oh….”
Me: “How about 1eatsh*t1?”
Customer: “Great!”
This story is part of our Swearing Customers roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!
23 Funny Stories About Bookstore Employees And Their Terrible Customers
Read the next Swearing Customers roundup story!
Read the Swearing Customers roundup!
