Me: “Thank you for calling [Store #1]. How may I direct your call?”

Customer: “Lumber, please.”

Me: “Sir, we do not have a lumber department.”

Customer: “Yes, you do. I was just in there and I bought four boxes of roof shingles.”

Me: “Sir, I think you have us mistaken for [Store #2].”

Customer: “Don’t correct me. I know where I just left from buying roof shingles.”

Me: “Sir, we do not now nor have we ever sold roof shingles.”

Customer: “I have my receipt right here. It says [Store #2].”

Me: “That’s fine sir, but this is [Store #1], not [Store #2].”

Customer: “Let me speak to your manager!”

(After another 30 minutes of arguing with my manager we just transferred him to hardware so he could yell at them for not selling shingles.)

Customer: “Are you out of Shrek the Third?”

Me: “Yes, everything I have is out on the shelves.”

Customer: “Oh.”

(Customer goes back into the rest of store, then comes back to front.)

Customer: “There’s a copy out there that says ‘FOR SALE ONLY.'”

Me: “Mmhm, there sure is.”

Customer: “Can we rent that?”

Customer: “Do you guys do price matching?”

Me: “Yes, we do.”

Customer: “Okay, well Wal-Mart has this vacuum on sale for $27.99 and you have it on for $34.99. Will you match that?”

Me: “Yes, that’s no problem. I just need to see a copy of the Wal-Mart flyer with that vacuum.”

Customer: “You don’t have the flyer?”

Me: “…No. We don’t carry Wal-Mart’s flyer.”

Customer: “You want me to drive all the way home to get Wal-Mart’s flyer and come all the way back here? Are you sure you don’t have it here?”

Me: “No, we don’t have Wal-Mart’s flyer.”

Customer: *angrily* “Well, you SHOULD! Jesus Christ, do I have to do everything?”

(Customer mutters and walks away.)

This story is part of our Lazy Customers roundup!

Read the next Lazy Customers roundup story!

Read the Lazy Customers roundup!

Customer: “Do you have any maps of South Africa?”

(We’re in Ontario, Canada.)

Me: *having a look* “No, it seems we don’t. Your best bet will be to check online or to wait until you get there.”

Customer: “But you have maps of everywhere else! I looked on the computer and it said you had them!”

Me: “Did we have any in stock?”

Customer: “You have maps of places all over the states, but not South Africa.”

Me: “I guess there’s more interest because people can drive there.”

Customer: “This is discrimination! I want a map of South Africa.”

Me: “Let me go check the computer again.” *runs*

This story is part of the South Africa Roundup!

Read the next South Africa Roundup story!

Read the South Africa Roundup!

Me: “Hi, my name is [My Name] at College], and I’m calling this evening to talk to [Name] about her college search. Is she available?”

An older man who answers.

Man: “Sorry, she’s still got a few weeks left in jail.”

Me: “Uh… okay. Would you mind just taking down a couple of pieces of contact information for her?”

Man: “I could take the information down, but I just don’t know how well it’d go, what with all the drugs she’s on right now.”

Me: “I’m sorry, is this a joke?”

Man: “No, no joke…”

This story is part of the College-Admission-Fails roundup!

Read the next College-Admission-Fails roundup story!

Read the College-Admission-Fails roundup!