I’m about to go out on a random bicycle trip. I tell this to my mum, upstairs.

Dad: (from downstairs) “It’s cold!”
Mum: He went to the home improvement shop by car because he thought it too cold outside.
Me: He gets cold so easily.

I mock him because before he used to always complain about us getting cold, but this changed when he got older.

Mum: He’s just had his beard trimmed I suppose. -pause- Then again, I had my hair cut too.
Me: I never had a beard to begin with.

Note that my mum is getting older herself and has had some trouble with chin hairs. It takes quite a bit of time before mum realises what I meant by that.

One of my cousins works as a part-time lecturer at his university. He can have an awkward sense of humor, but he’s also a kind, very smart guy.

I was on the phone with my uncle, his dad, and asked how things were going. My uncle said he found a Reddit post about my cousin, with nothing but nice comments. Curious, I searched his name after we hung up.

Someone at the university had been looking to take the course my cousin teaches. The choices were him and a professor who worked there full-time. Since my cousin didn’t have a profile on the university website, the student wasn’t sure who to go with.

A bunch of other students jumped in and recommended my cousin. They said he’s very smart, has a great sense of humor, and is relatable. The original poster decided to go with him and said they were actually excited about the class because of it.

I sadly don’t think my cousin is going to keep teaching after he gets his PhD, but I have a feeling he’ll do very well in life. And that Reddit post restored my faith in humanity a little bit.

I have so many, but this one is simple…
As a millennial patron was checking out I mentioned that she had a fine of ten cents on her account out of courtesy.
She literally lost her mind!
She never had a fine, was never late, never ever would she ever have a FINE!
I waived the dime, but I can never restore her absolute, nor her peace of mind… I feel sad about that :(

A couple with a little boy passed me on the sidewalk, speaking in another language. They rang the bell at a neighboring house.

The woman who answered exclaimed in English “Oh you’re just in time for pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey!”

The father said “Oh there is a donkey?”

It is about a couple of days before my college officially shuts down due to the coronavirus. There were no active cases reported yet in Pittsburgh but most people are on alert and scared. I am outside one of my college buildings talking on the phone. My throat is pretty dry so I’m coughing but I also had had a nose bleed earlier that day and I know there is some blood that had gone down my throat. While talking, I begin to cough pretty hard and I end up coughing up some residual blood which a couple of people walking by notice. Their eyes immediately grow wide with concern and they quickly take off before I can explain I don’t have the coronavirus, just a scratchy throat. It was the first and only time I have ever coughed up blood and the timing could not have been more wrong.