I used to work at a call center that was contracted with an insurance company. Right out of training, the very first call I took was for a customer looking for a gynecologist in her area. It was a pretty simple phone call, except she spent five minutes explaining, in graphic detail, why she needed to see a gynecologist. A wonderful first call…

(At the restaurant I work at we generally don’t serve breakfast past 11. A co-worker is being fairly rude today and asked for a waffle past 6 p.m., we told her it would be awhile before it is ready. An hour later she storms into the kitchen and pokes my straight in the chest.)

Coworker: “Um, waffle?!”

We sell Black Forest Cuckoo Clocks in our store. One day a tourist with his 5-year-old son comes in and they watch one of the clocks where the bird comes out, making “cuckoo, cuckoo”.
Father to the son: “Do you know what bird that is?”
Son, sounding uncertain: “A rooster?”
Father: “No, an owl!”

(Even worse: they came from Germany and really should know better!)

*In my city you have to purchase a rabies vaccine license/tag for your pet every year. At our office we offer them to be purchased through us, and then we send the paperwork in for clients.*

Customer (over phone): Hi, I was wondering why I didn’t get a rabies tag when I was in a few weeks ago?

Me: Ok let me go grab your chart and I’ll figure it out for you.

*I check the pet’s chart and confirm with the doctor that she declined to purchase a tag, and initialed saying that she declined to purchase one from us*

Me: Ok it looks like you declined the tag.

Customer: What does that even mean?

Me: Um…you didn’t want to buy it from us?

Customer: Well why would I say that?

Me: Umm….I don’t know….but it’s right here in the chart crossed out and initialed by you. Maybe you didn’t want to that day because your dog is intact so the tag would cost $80? I don’t know.

Customer: Well then I guess I didn’t know what I was signing.

Me: *Thinking how the hell it’s my problem that she initials things without understanding them* Oh…well, it was initialed as declined so….

Customer: I thought the tag came with the vaccine.

Me: Well, they’re usually done together, but they are separate charges. You pay for the vaccine, and then pay for the tag separately since that money goes to the county.

Customer: That’s not how I remember it being.

Me: ……

Customer: Well I’m going to look into this and call you back on Monday.

Me: *so confused* Ok…have a good night ma’am.

P.S. She never called us back.

Me: “Well, ma’am, I don’t know for sure what caused it, but—”

Customer: “You don’t know?! Of course you don’t know! You don’t know anything about computers! My children know more about computers than you! You need to go back to school or take more hours because you can’t help with anything!”

(etc, etc, as she stomps off)

Me, internally: …But it looks like your margins are too wide.