I used to manage a public access station that was a department of the city government. Because of that, we would routinely get calls meant for other departments. This was my favorite.

Me: Hello. (Station Name). Can I help you?
Caller: Yes. I’m trying to reach Julie?
Me: Julie? We don’t have a Julie here.
Caller: I was told to talk to Julie.
Me: Do you know what department she’s in? This is (Station name).
Caller: I don’t know. I need to do some landscaping and I was told to call Julie.
At this point, I realize what he’s asking for. Our state has a service called Joint Utility Locating Information for Excavators, or JULIE. There are signs all over telling people to call JULIE before they dig in their yards, lest they hit pipes or wires.
Me: Sir, JULIE is actually a service, not a person, and they aren’t part of the city government.
Caller: No, I was told to talk to Julie. How do I reach her?
Me: I don’t know the number, but if you give me a minute, I might be able to find it for you.
Caller: Can’t you just connect me to her?
Me: As I said, sir, JULIE is not part of the city and it’s service, not a person.
I find the number and give it to him.
Caller: Thanks. I don’t know why it’s so hard to talk to Julie. I just need to talk to Julie.
I hung up and laughed. I never knew if he ever talked to JULIE.

(I work in a gourmet grocery store. We have a small back room that is for employees only like most grocery stores. This happened when my coworker was closing one night.)
Coworker: (walking around back room and sees a coustmer) Um sir? This area is for employees only. I’m going to need you to step out.

(The coustmer then ran into the bakery, picked up a bottle of pina colada mix, that doesn’t have alcohol, and chugged half of it.)

Coworker: Sir! Please leave! You can’t drink that!

(The coustmer then took the rest of the bottle and tried to pay for it, but he wouldn’t let go or the bottle when the cashier tried to scan it. It also wouldn’t ring up at the register because it’s not a product we sell.)

Coworker: (after the man left) I guess he just really needed a drink….

(I am at the hardware store buying supplies for a science project, mostly iron pipe fittings. It’s late and I’m pretty tired.)

Employee: Anything I can help you find?

Me: Nah, just trying to remember what else I wanted.

Employee: Let’s see, you wanted an air conditioner, the new fridge you wanted came in…

(I crack up laughing.)

Employee: …and some new tile… I know your list, man, if you don’t trust me you’re gonna regret it…

(I was chuckling for the whole rest of my visit.)

(I work in a plus sized clothing store that is known for having amazing bras that hold up and don’t stick with the “big bras only come in ugly or basic colors” stereotype. There’s two of us out on the sales floor and each of us is helping a customer. I’m near the front of the store with mine and my coworker is near the back, measuring an older, rather heavyset woman for a bra.)

Me: *to my customer* All right, so if you like the cut of this pink one, we also have this teal one just like it, and both will go really nicely with the half-sweater or a cardigan if you don’t like sleeveless. Or we have a yellow and a floral one similar, and each of those at least has a short sleeve.

Customer: Would they look okay with a blazer or something? I prefer long sleeves for dresses.

Me: Actually, we have this outfit on the mannequin here, which is a skirt and tank top that look like a dress when tucked, with a blazer on it.

(I turned to lead her to the mannequin and noticed my coworker making a strange face and cringing as she’s measuring her customer. As she’s using both hands to adjust the measuring tape and is about a foot and a half behind her customer, I can’t really radio her to see what’s up. So I just keep an eye on things to make sure the customer isn’t being rude or whatever.)

Customer: Oh, I actually like that look! Do you have all the pieces in [size]?

Me: The skirt is a single-number size, so I’ll grab both of the numbers you mentioned for you and unlock a room. The tank is on the table near the shoes, and the blazer is on this rack behind us.

(We get our items and meet at the fitting rooms, and I see my coworker’s customer leaving her to go check out the bras. As per my job of selling products, I was about to show the customer some shoes that would complete the look when…)

Coworker: (On radio) She f*cking FARTED on me.

I was working the express (12 items or less) and a woman loads up her stuff and when I see her items are well over I let her know but say I will take her since it is slow.
Me:”I’ll take you since it is slow but is it okay if I not bag everything?”

Customer:”Sure, we can bag our stuff too. Thank you.”

after ringing and bagging with her husband trying to take bags from under me.
Me: “Okay, $44. 32”

Customer “$41 on stamps”

I waited while she slid her card and my auto reflex caused me to push the button for the whole amount. By this time her daughter had gotten in line with too many items as well and although slightly disappointed I apologized and told the mother that customer service would fix my mistake.

Customer not yelling but angry:”You did it on purpose because of all my stuff! This wouldn’t have happened if you weren’t a stupid cracker! Musty little bitch.”

She then went over to the customer service counter while I finished up her daughter’s order, the daughter being nicer but not apologizing.
The girl behind the counter listened as the mother pointed and said whatever she thought she could get me in trouble for. Security stood beside me and the woman was escorted out by a manager.

She had lied and told the girl behind the counter that I was throwing her stuff because of the amount of items she had and that I was being rude. I had only talked back when she said I made the mistake on purpose.

I explained what really happened to the girl at customer service and the manager and security. If she had the chance she would have come back to threaten me more if security hadn’t been there. She was saying something about only stupid white girls calling security when s*** gets real.

The whole time I remained calm. I absolutely hate working the express lane because of that.