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Breast Not To Make Assumptions

, , , , , | Learning | September 4, 2021

My cousin used to work as a nursery school teacher. Her own son was one of the students in her class, and when he was about one year old, a parent wandered by the classroom, where my cousin happened to be breastfeeding her son at that moment. [Parent] looked around the room of maybe a dozen or so infants, confused.

Parent: “Do you… do that for all of the babies?”

My cousin had a good laugh about the parent’s misconception that part of her teaching duties included personally breastfeeding all of the babies.

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Radiating Stupidity

, , , , | Right | January 29, 2021

I answer the phone.

Me: “Hello, [Bookstore].”

Caller: “Yeah, do y’all sell steam radiators?”

Me: “I’m sorry. What?!”

Caller: “Steam radiators.”

Me: “No, sir, we’re a bookstore.”

Caller: “Do y’all know where I could find one?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. I don’t.”

Caller: “Oh. Well, can y’all order one for me?”

Me: “No. Again, sir, we’re a bookstore.”

Caller: “Aw, man. All right…” *Hangs up*

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Bound To The Past

, , , , , | Right | January 25, 2021

An elderly woman calls to inquire about an old dictionary.

Caller: “Its binding is falling apart and I wonder if you know anyone who deals with binding and rebinding.”

Me: “Unfortunately, there isn’t anyone left in the city that deals with that sort of stuff.”

Caller: “What can you do with the book?”

Me: “If the binding is coming off, there isn’t much we could do. Also, we don’t really take dictionaries any more as the Internet has made them obsolete.”

Caller: “Oh, well, I think that the Internet is just a fad.”

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Sounds Like Their Grasp Of English Is Worse

, , , , , | Right | September 7, 2020

Customer: “I just got off the phone with your customer service, but they didn’t speak English so I came here.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, I’m afraid that the only way to handle this issue is to call that customer service line. I assure you that they all speak English.”

Customer: “No, they don’t; they were Indian.”

Me: “I know, but we don’t hire American customer service associates that don’t speak English.”

Customer: “Well, they didn’t.”

Me: “So, they were speaking to you in Hindi, then?”

Customer: *Blank look* “They didn’t speak very good English.”

Me: “Oh, I see. Well, that isn’t really the same thing, is it?”

The customer turned and left, clearly upset.

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You’d Better Return Your Time Turner

, , , , , | Learning | July 28, 2020

My senior year of high school, I have two study hall periods. About a week into the school year, one of the guidance counselors approaches me during study hall.

Counselor: “[My Name], why haven’t you been attending cooking class?”

Me: “Because I’m not taking cooking class?”

Counselor: “You’re on the class roster and you’ve been marked absent every day.”

Me: “That’s weird. It’s not on my course schedule.”

Counselor: “Huh. Did you sign up for it?”

Me: “No. I signed up freshman year, but I switched classes a couple of weeks in, and I definitely didn’t sign up for it this year.”

Counselor: “Do you want to take it?”

Me: “No.”

Counselor: “Okay, I guess we’ll remove you from the class, then.”

It was admittedly unusual for a student to have two Study Halls, and I initially assumed that the cooking class took place during one of my two study halls, but I later learned that it actually shared the same time block as my AP Calculus class. Apparently, I was supposed to be in two places at once. Very strange.

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