Some customers are quite a handful to deal with and will not let go of you if you dare listen to their story. It is okay sometimes and those times we will listen and respond and enjoy the conversation, but other times it is a monologue in which we do not understand everything, or some crazy ranting of people that will not let you go back to your job and will stay for hours if you do not put a stop to it. Sometimes there are other customers so we can excuse ourselves and go to the other customers, but more often than not, there are no other customers. We are only two employees and if that kind of situation, after a while, the one who is not caught in the tale has to go in the office and call the one in the front to “save” the other. One day, an elderly man comes in, ask for an information and then go on explaining his whole life (most of the story being probably imagined by him) and how he used to live in our town to my boss that politely listen to him. After about 10 minutes, I go to the office and call her on the phone, amused.

Me: In need of some life saving?

Boss: Yes, of course.

Me, mockinly: Do you have any blue spotted pink elephants?

Boss: Let me go see, I will be right back. (Adressing the customer:) Sorry I must go look for what my client wants.

She excuse herself and proceed to go as far away as she can from the counter to look at ink cartriges for some time. Usually, customers say it’s okay, say their goodbyes and go. This one does not. I can hear my boss trying to keep the act of fake looking, going back and forth between a few places. I, on the other hand, stuggle not to laugh. After a while she goes back to the front and take the phone again.

Boss: I can’t seem to find what you want, I will need to do some more research, is that alright?

Me: It’s quite alright, I enjoy quite a lot to see your efforts, it’s really funny.

Boss: Alright, I will look it up, stay on the line I might need some more information. (Talking to the customer) I’m very sorry, I really need to go search for what they asked me, it will probably take a while…

Customer: Okay, go, don’t worry, I will come back another day. Goodbye!

Boss: Thank you, have a nice day!

He leaves and my boss comes back to the office where I burst out laughing as soon as I see her face.

Me: Got a new friend? He really didn’t want to leave…

Boss: Thanks for the call, I think I would still be there.

After a lot of teasing, we both went back to what we were doing. The customer was actually from out of town and in vacation, so we never saw him again that week, but I’m sure he’ll come back next time he’s in town.

(It’s the end of a Saturday dinner shift and I’m cleaning up the bar when the phone rings.)

Me: Thank you for calling [restaurant]. How may I help you?

Customer: What time do you close?

Me: We close at ten o’clock.

Customer: But it’s after ten now!

Me: Yes, it is.

Customer: I live just around the corner. If I come in now, can I get dinner?

Me: I’m sorry, but the kitchen is closed.

Customer: How about take-out?

(It is late in the morning and a customer shows up late for his appointment, the one he called in for this morning and got because we had an opening. He has two big dogs that are a little nervous, but not too bad)
Receptionist: ok, so that will be [insert service owner requested and pride for said service]. I just need you to sign here. Do you need them out at a certain time, or are they time sensitive at all?
Owner *while signing* Nope.
(We bathe the dogs and in other to get all dogs done in a timely manner, we bathe a group of dogs, dry them mostly, and then put them in a kennel dryer to air dry the fave or any spots the dogs don’t like the dryers on. We also put in dogs that are scared. One of the two was scared and had to be kenneled to dry the rest of the way. meanwhile, the owner walks in)
Owner: I’m here to pick up my dogs!
Receptionist: *after going through usual procedure and asking which dogs and if we had called the owner at all, etc* I’m sorry but it looks like your dogs are not done yet. One just needs his nails trimmed, and one is still drying. She was very scared for the dryer.
Owner: *suddenly very angry* THEY SHOULD BE DONE BY NOW! THIS IS RIDICULOUS! WHAT KIND OF EXCUSE ARE YOU PULLING THAT MY DOGS AREN’T READY YET!?
Receptionist: well, they are still drying. It well be another half hour. We can try drying [scared dog] again with the velocity dryer, but she was scared and we don’t want to stress her out.
Owner: NO! I WASN’T MY DOGS NOW! THIS IS TERRIBLE CUSTOMER SERVICE! DON’T YOU KNOW I HAVE A PARTY TO GO TO? I NEED MY DOGS RIGHT NOW! I HAVE TO GET TO MY PARTY!
(In the end he took his wet dogs to his very important party, and the only way to appease him was to give him a discount on his (already low priced and discounted) groom…)

(This happened to me during the first weeks at my new job, the conversation was in French so I translated it. An elderly lady comes in, so I greet her.)

Me: Hi! May I help you?

Customer: Yes, I would like those things for a tablet…

Me: A stylus?

Customer: No, no, those things to touch the tablet with, you use it instead of your finger…

Me: A stylus.

Customer: No, you can use it on a tablet…

Me: … It looks like a pen but to use on a tablet or a phone or anything with a touchscreen?

Customer: YES! Exactly!

(I show her some of the products we have.)

Customer: Yes, that is exactly what I wanted! What is it called?

Me: A stylus.

(As I know she will argue, I show her on the packaging where it is written in both French and English. She looks at it for a moment.)

Customer: Really? That does not sound right, it must be a bad translation, those English people are so weird sometimes. It has to have a real name.

Me: …Who knows…

(I do not want to argue so I just go to the register so she can pay and so I can go back to what I was doing.)

Me: Thank you, have a nice day!

Customer: Thank you, you too. I will go home and try to find out how it is really called. Stylus cannot be right.

(She gets out still going on about it and I look at my boss, telling her what just happened from the beggining.)

Boss: Get used to it, some people will never believe you even if you show them all the proofs in the world.

Me: Seriously?..

(She goes on to tell me some of the stuff she encountered through the years. Since that time, that kind of things happened so often that I just go on as if nothing happens.)

I work in a college which is located next door to a famous museum, which is frequently visited by many tourists. Although the museum has a 10-foot sign at the door which can be seen and easily read from the bottom of the street, this always happens:
Tourist: “Is this where I buy tickets?”
Me: “I’m sorry; you’re in the wrong building. The [Museum] is next door: go outside, cross the road and turn right. It’s the next one along.”
Tourist: “So I go outside and turn left?”
Me: *internally screaming, externally smiling* “Let me show you.”
(I take them out and direct them again. When I’m back at my desk, the phone rings.)
Me: “Good morning, [College].”
Caller: “Is this the [Museum]?”
Yep, they somehow manage to find the phone number for a building next to the one they want. Happens six times a day.