This particular day, I was getting static shocks from everything I touched.

*Receives shock from self service checkout*

“Blast, why do I keep getting these shocks?”

Checkout supervisor ” it’s because you’re wearing something *looks up* err blue”

(My husband and I work opposite shifts for many reasons, primary of which is saving on childcare. This morning I was woken up with a lovely surprise *wink wink* and after he passed out I went through my usual routine of caring for the kids before waking him up so I could go to work. I am having an unusually frustrating day and just want to go home. I go on my lunch and text my husband.)

Note: It is a very cold day and my location + my uniform = me hovering by a small heater.

Me: Miss you
Him: Miss you more
Me: Nope. I really want to be in bed with you
Him: lol so we can have a repeat of this morning?
Me: That and I just f***ing miss you my arms ache to be around you. I feel like I have no heat inside me and the only place I can find it is by your side. My happiness is with you. I feel empty in my chest and nothing else matters but being with you.
Him: sends a crying “I love you” gif

I’m such a sap but even after 4 kids and all the crap we’ve dealt with and the crap hand we’ve been dealt we are still happily married. We are still really and truly in love.

But seriously? I AM SO DONE WITH WINTER!!!!

I was at a pool with my friend and her kids. I’m sitting on a lounge chair, reading a book. One of the kids is getting rowdy, and ends up splashing me and my book.

Me: Watch it, kiddo!

Friend: (laughs)

Lifeguard: Ma’am, please watch your children.

I look over at my friend, expecting her to say something. She’s looking at him strangely, and I realize he was talking to me.

Me: Very funny. They’re not my kids.

Lifeguard: It doesn’t matter. They are with you, so you are responsible for them.

Friend: Actually, lifeguard, they’re MY kids.

The lifeguard turns red and walks back to his station.

Friend: Did he really not see that you’re much paler than they are? And I’ve got the same skin tone?

My sister and dad are talking about how in Spanish, they usually pronounce all the letters in a word. I’m notorious for pronouncing and spelling things wrong, so I listen in. They’re talking about the word Knock. My sister says “it’s now (pronouncing the K) Knock.” I inform her “it never wasn’t.”

On our first day in a beach house we rented in San Diego, my sister and I go to the beach alone while my parents go to a restaurant. They walk us down to the beach, and on the way out of our house we spot a fire on one of those electrical line towers. This is directly outside our house. Somebody else had already called the fire department, so we leave for the beach. My sister later decides she needs to change into her swimsuit, so we go back to the house. We pass fire trucks and people working on it, and head inside. We mess with the light switch for a while, before we realize the power is out. Suddenly a loud beeping noise shrieks through the house. Both startled out of our minds, my sister and I try to figure out what it is. We text our parents, and they said that if we’re worried we can go back to the beach or to the restaurant that they’re at (without mentioning they’re at a 21+ bar, which we find out later). I worry it’s the carbon monoxide alarm and since I’ve brought my pet mouse with I begin to panic. This is about when my sister gets extremely mad at me, I think she thought I was overreacting about my mouse, but I’ve heard a carbon monoxide alarm before. I was 95% sure this was it. We put my mouse in the car, and go out to the people outside. We ask one of the workers if he knows why our house is beeping and he says “it probably has to do with the power being out. That comes back on around midnight.” Gee, thanks. We can also hear distant beeps all over the place, so we figure if it was related to the power being out, our neighbors houses would be beeping too. Luckily our neighbor comes out and we ask him if his house is beeping. His helpful response, after we watched him walk out of his door, was “uhh I dunno, haven’t checked.” So we sit around for a bit, not really sure what to do. Then I see another worker. I ask him if he knows anything, since the last two answers were useless. He pretty much informed me “it’s whatever alarm system you have in your house”. I told him it’s a rental and we don’t know, and he just grunted and went away. So we brave going into the house to get our shoes, and go to the restaurant. The whole time, my sister is extremely angry at me and I’m quietly relaying directions to her. We eventually make our way to the restaurant, only to find a huge “you must be 21 years or older to enter” sign. Our parents come out and we head back to the house. I check on my mouse when we get back, much to my sisters anger, and then we spend five minutes or so trying to figure out where it’s coming from. My sister eventually points to a small thing plugged into the wall. What is it? It’s a fricking carbon monoxide alarm. There isn’t actually carbon monoxide, it’s beeping because the power is out. She rolls her eyes and mutters “I told you there wasn’t any carbon monoxide in the house”. She seriously thought I was wrong because I said the carbon monoxide alarm was going off, and it was, and I shouldn’t have thought there was a poisonous gas in the house even though the alarm was going off. Later she got some food and she was fine. Moral of the story: never be around my sister when she’s hangry. Also don’t worry about your pet mouse even when the carbon monoxide alarm is going off, apparently.