I take a film-analysis class. Our teacher picks films to watch without regard to their ratings, so we end up watching a lot of R-rated movies (with parental permission, of course).

Towards the middle of the year, someone asks if we can watch a specific R-rated movie. The teacher told us that that was the only movie he was not allowed to show.

For whatever the reason, several years before this, a member of the Board of Education found out that the teacher was planning on showing the movie and decided to sit down and count the number of F-bombs dropped (it was a three digit number), then told the teacher that he was not allowed to screen the movie because of the high number.

Never mind that we still heard the F-bomb in other movies we watched, as well as in our daily lives, or that we watched movies with an abundance of sex and violence, or even that some of us had seen the movie before!

The teacher didn’t really know why the Board member singled out that one movie and last I heard, there have not been any other similar complaints.

My European friend of Chinese descent is a polyglot who immigrated to the US at 15. The foreign languages offered at her school are French, Spanish, German, Chinese, and Japanese. French and Chinese are her native languages, Spanish is near native, German is advanced, and Japanese is conversational.

Unfortunately, all classes are below her level. They don’t know where to put my friend until a history teacher who happens to have the language periods free offers to talk about ancient language history.

(I attend a private religious school and we are currently in ninth grade Bible class. Our teacher has given us a character worksheet to help us determine our strengths and weaknesses. One section involves us circling five words we would use to describe ourselves. The list has about 50 words with the most difficult word being vivacious. The class is mostly girls and is divided into ‘popular’ and ‘nerdy’, with me and my friends being on the nerdy side of the room.)

Popular Girl: “Mr. [Teacher], I don’t know what all these words mean.”

Teacher: “For now just stick with the words you know.”

Friend: *whispers* “That’s gonna be a small list for her.”

Teacher: “Just don’t start asking me what the words mean. I’d rather not waste our entire class time having to read a dictionary.”

Popular Girl: “Mr. [Teacher], what does intelligent mean?”

(The whole class, including the teacher laughs.)

Teacher: “Haha, very funny [Popular Girl], but seriously, I’d like us to have this done before the end of class.”

Popular Girl: “But I don’t know what it means.”

All: “Seriously?”

Popular Girl: “I really don’t know.”

Teacher: “Uh… if you don’t know, then don’t circle it.”

(I am a world history teacher for incoming freshmen at a local high school. I love my job, and I encourage my students to speak and make jokes as we learn.)

Me: *explains about the Romans conquering the Mediterranean* “Has anyone circumnavigated the globe at this point? Remember, this is still BC!”

Student: “No one has circumcised the globe yet!”

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I’m taking Spanish class. The teacher is retiring at the end of the year, so most of the students think this is an excuse to goof off, despite him making it very clear he had no intention of taking it easy, lesson-wise. I am not good at Spanish but am required to take it. As my parent raised me to be responsible, I attempt to get as much as I can out of the lessons, which causes the other kids to bully me.

One day, the teacher springs a pop quiz on us. Completely unprepared, I notice everyone else cheating in various ways. Succumbing to panic, I resort to cheating, too, hiding my notes in my desk. One of my classmates sees this, and starts loudly whispering about how I’m cheating. Everyone else starts doing it, too, until it stops being even close to subtle. I finish the quiz and walk up to the teacher’s desk, the loud whispering following me. I hand it to him and guiltily confess what I had done, running out of the room in tears.

When I got home, I found the teacher had called my mom. He had not been blind to all the bullying I was getting in class. He also saw how hard I was trying, and said he had never had a student confess to cheating before even handing a test in. So, he offered to take me out of the class and tutor me privately during his free period. I gladly accepted, and while I still never got the hang of Spanish, he was quite proud of my progress by the end of the year. As a retirement gift, my mom and I got him a very nice book on Spanish cuisine and recipes.