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The Bell Didn’t Go Off But The Lightbulb Did

, , , , , | Right | March 28, 2021

I’m sitting at the spare parts counter of my store, printing and sorting tickets for an upcoming catalogue. Since I cannot see behind me and she moves so quietly, I do not hear this customer as she approaches. What alerts me to her presence is her reading a sign above my head out loud.

Customer: “’Please ring the bell for assistance.’”

I spin around in my chair.

Me: “I’m so sorry; I didn’t see you.”

Customer: “That’s all right. Do I need to ring the bell?”

Me: “No, no need.”

Customer: “Why not? The sign says to ring the bell.”

Me: “But I’m already here?”

The lightbulb goes off.

Customer: “Oh, my goodness, I just realised what I said.”

Nothing crazy, just a bit of light-hearted interaction; it makes a nice change when you work in retail!

She’d Be Swelling With Pride

, , , , | Healthy | March 9, 2021

I’m at the hospital.

Little Boy: “Why aren’t you wearing a mask?”

Me: “Oh, hi, kid. The masks don’t fit me right now. Can you go back to your mum? I can’t talk well right now.”

Little Boy: “Mummy says that everyone has to wear a mask.”

Me: “Normally she’d be right, but the doctor has given me special permission just this once.”

Little Boy: “But Mummy says that people who don’t wear masks are selfish b*****ds.”

Me: “Go back to your mummy and I’m sure she’ll explain it. I can’t fit into the masks right now.”

Little Boy: “Why not?”

Me: “Because my face is all swollen up, see?”

Little Boy: “Isn’t that what you normally look like?”

Me: “No?”

Little Boy: “Oh, all right, then.”

In the mother’s defence, the woman he wandered back to was trying to comfort a little girl with a lot of blood on her face. I think she was a bit preoccupied to realise what had happened.

Technically Speaking, I Have No Idea

, , , | Legal | March 7, 2021

I have a scammer ring one day.

Scammer: “Hi. I’m from the technical department and we’ve detected—”

Me: “The technical department of where?”

Scammer: *Pauses* “What?”

Me: “You said you’re from the technical department… of what company?”

Scammer: “Um… Windows?”

I hung up.

I’d Imagine Their Parents Might Have Something To Say About That

, , , , , , | Right | March 2, 2021

I have a fairly uncommon name that can be spelled the same but pronounced two different ways. 

I work at a supermarket. I have just started and I meet my first interesting regular. He reads my name tag and pronounces my name wrong.

Old Man: “Such a beautiful name. My niece’s name is [Wrong Pronunciation].”

Me: “I agree, but I pronounce it [My Name].”

Old Man: “What? Why the h*** would you say it like that?! It just sounds stupid. My niece’s name is [Wrong Pronunciation] and that’s how it should be. From now on, your name is [Wrong Pronunciation].”

He walked off, muttering about how stupid my name is.

Does “Closed” Have No Meaning For ANYONE?

, , , , , , | Working | February 12, 2021

I’m about seventeen or eighteen and have just started my first “real” job in a supermarket deli. I have not yet experienced any rude or entitled customers. We have a sign-in and sign-out sheet in the deli as well as a machine in the employee break room to clock in and out; we are expected to use both. It is 10:00 pm and everything is shut down and closed; I go to sign out on the sign-out sheet but there isn’t a pen. No worries, I think to myself. I’ll go clock out, borrow a pen from the break room, and come back to sign the sheet. 

I come back and see a well-dressed customer standing in front of the deli counter, looking expectantly at me as I come through the deli gate. My hair is down, I have no apron or hat, and my handbag is slung over my shoulder. The lights in every deli case are off, half of our stock has been put away in the back room and everything else — the products, the slicers, you name it — is covered in large plastic sheets. By every indication, the deli has shut for the night.

Me: *Cheerfully* “Hi, just letting you know we are closed tonight! I’m just—”

Customer: “No, you’re not.”

I don’t know what I was expecting, but the customer’s response comes from so far out of left field that I am honestly taken aback for a moment.

Me: “Er…”

Customer: “Are you not going to serve me?”

Me: “Um, I’ve already clocked off. It’s past 10:00. The deli closes at 10:00 pm—”

Customer: *Firmly* “No, it doesn’t. It closes when the rest of the store closes.”

I stare at him for a moment, not sure how to proceed with his complete denial. I open my mouth to suggest calling a manager over, but he beats me to it.

Customer: “I see how it is. That’s fine; I’ll go get your manager.”

Frowning, I go to the drawer to sign the sheet. As I’m leaving, the customer comes back with one of the night managers in tow. The customer complains to the manager that I won’t serve him, and the manager goes behind the counter, lifts the plastic sheet off the slicer I just spent twenty minutes cleaning, and starts slicing the customer’s ham for him.

Me: *Quietly, to the manager* “Just for future reference, can you tell me what the protocol is when a customer asks for something after the deli is closed and the usual deli workers are clocked out? Do you come into the deli to serve the late-night customers? Do you also clean the slicer afterward? Because [Deli Manager] gets upset when things aren’t clean in the morning.”

Manager: “Don’t worry about it.”

Me: “Well, I need to know because if this happens again, I want to make sure I’m doing the right thing. Is what you’re doing now standard procedure here?”

The manager just waves a hand dismissively.

I see I’m not going to get an answer, so I give up and go to walk away. The customer stops me on my way out and asks for my name. Without thinking, I give it to him. Like I said, this is my first Not Always Right customer in my first-ever job; I am not very smart yet. 

Customer: “Okay, [My Name]. I work for [My Supermarket] and I’m going to see what the head office thinks about your work ethic.”

I never got a proper answer — from anyone — on what store policy was if a customer wanted deli products after the deli was closed. Thankfully, there were no repeat incidents where the issue came up again, and I also never heard anything from that customer. I have no idea if he actually contacted anyone or not. But thanks to his parting words, I did spend a good few days anxiously stressing that I’d lost my job almost as soon as it had begun. What a jerk.