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Listening With Reckless A-Banned-on

, , , , | Working | July 28, 2013

([Coworker #1] has lent [Coworker #2] his MP3 player.)

Coworker #1: “Listen to this. It’s a band from South Africa.”

Coworker #2: “Oooh, I like them. But why are they banned from South Africa?”

Coworker #1: “That’s just where they’re from; they’re a band from South Africa.”

Coworker #2: “But why aren’t they allowed to play there?”

Coworker #1: “No, they are a band from South Africa. They’re not banned from playing there.”

Coworker #2: “OH, I get it!”

Coworker #3: “Best conversation ever.”


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The Convergence Of Kindnesses

, , , | Right | July 12, 2013

(I am tending to my customers’ needs, and watching the front door. A customer enters and asks for a table. I seat him and get him a cup of coffee.)

Customer: “How far is it to Quebec?”

Me: “I honestly have no idea, sir. But, if you don’t mind my asking, why are you heading there?”

Customer: “Well, I have to be at work by tomorrow, and I’m sure I would have made it if the tire hadn’t come off my truck.”

(He looks over the menu, orders, and receives his meal. As I am putting in another order on the computer, the father of the family seated at the table beside the other man approaches me.)

Father: “Excuse me?”

Me: “Yes, sir? Is there something I can help you with?”

Father: “Has the man beside us ordered yet?”

(The customer with the car problems is clearly of East Indian descent, and I immediately fear that this other man is about to make some racist comment.)

Me: “Is there some kind of problem, sir?”

Father: “No, not at all. But I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind putting his dinner on our bill.”

(I am pleasantly surprised by this, and get into the computer to add the unfortunate customer’s check to the families. The family leaves soon after. When I next check on the customer, he has finished eating.)

Me: “Is there anything else I can do for you tonight, sir?”

Customer: “No, I’m fine, thanks. Just the bill, if you please.”

Me: “Well, sir, I’m pleased to say that the family seated beside you earlier asked to pick up your bill.”

Customer: “Did they really?”

Me: *smiling* “Yes.”

Customer: *smiling* “You know, it really makes me glad to know that there are still good, kind people in the world. It gives you hope.”

(Not having anything else to do, I take some time to sit and listen to the man, as he’s expressed a desire to tell me why he’s on his way to Quebec. After having served as a soldier for some time, he grew tired of feeling as though he were living a double life, having to keep secrets from his loved ones so as to fulfill his duties. He then decided to leave the service, receiving a dishonorable discharge and losing nearly everything he owned in the process. During his time of service, he lived in Quebec and met a young woman who befriended him and showed him that there was more to life than simply having money and material possessions. The two of them ended up in a relationship that was cut short because of his constant dedication to his duties, and she claimed that it had grown hard to trust him.)

Customer: “So, I’m heading back to Quebec to see her. I have nothing left to lose but her, and I’m going to take up a job as a mechanic, get a place for the two of us, and ask her to marry me.”

(At this point, I am nearly in tears.)

Customer: “But that’s where I’m unsure. I don’t know if she’ll want to marry someone like me.”

(We talk a bit more, and I tell him that, in the time I’ve spent listening and chatting with him, he seems like a very good person, and that giving up his pension and career in the service for this woman speaks very strongly about his character. After a while, he goes out to his truck, and returns with a coin.)

Customer: “I told them that I didn’t care. I told them that I was tired of living a lie. They laughed in my face and gave me this. They told me to find someone who gave a s***.”

(The customer hands me a foreign coin and smiles.)

Customer: “So those are the words I live by: ‘Find something to give a s*** about’.”

(As he walks to the door, he thanks me, and I wish him all the luck in the world. This night at work really emphasized two things for me: A little kindness goes a long way, and if you give a s*** about something, you won’t give up on it. Whoever you are, sir, I truly wish you the best. I hope that the woman you love sees just how much you care about her, and that the two of you can spend your lives together. And to the man who paid for his meal, I will never forget the kindness you offered to another in need.)

Time To Start Screening The Tourists

, , , , , , | Right | September 12, 2012

(Every year, my town hosts Sundance, which tends to bring some strange people along with it. I am the only one working in a very small paint store, right before close. A customer comes in and proceeds to look around the store for about 15 minutes.)

Me: “I am sorry, sir. We are getting ready to close. Can I help you find something?”

Customer: “I am looking for stuff to make a pipe.”

Me: “Well, sir, we do have some stuff to fix plumbing pipes.”

Customer: “No! I need to make a pipe to smoke out of.”

Me: “Uh, we really don’t have anything like that.”

Customer: “What the h*** kind of hardware store is this?!”

Me: “…A paint store?”

Customer: “Oh… then, can I buy some spray paint to get high on?”

Me: “No, sir. That is illegal.”

Customer: “Even during Sundance?”

Me: “Especially during Sundance!”

Customer: “Buzzkill!” *walks out*

Not The Brightest Bulb

, , , , | Working | August 15, 2012

(I am purchasing an extendable pole to change out light bulbs in my nearly twenty-foot-high vaulted ceiling.)

Cashier: “Wow, I haven’t seen one of these. What’s this for?”

Me: “It’s for changing light bulbs.”

Cashier: “I don’t see why you’d need one. At my house, my dad changes the bulbs. He’s really tall!”

The Menopause Should Have Given You Pause

, , , , , | Working | August 12, 2012

(My grandmother has macular degeneration and is partially blind as a result. I often call to schedule her doctor’s appointments for her since she has a hard time dialing the phone.)

Nurse: “Okay, now what is your grandmother’s date of birth?”

Me: “May 25, 1918.”

Nurse: “Alright, now is there any possibility that she’s pregnant?”

Me: “No.”

Nurse: “Are you absolutely sure that your grandmother is not pregnant?”

Me: “Well, since she went through menopause in the early 1970s, lost her husband in the late 1980s and just celebrated her 94th birthday, I can say with confidence that she is not pregnant.”

Nurse: *indignantly* “You never said she was in her 90s!”