(Customer has been browsing their pictures for a few minutes and I’ve been working on other orders.)

Customer: “Hey!”

(The customer taps the envelope on the counter obnoxiously to get my attention.)

Me: “Yes. sir?”

Customer: “You ruined my pictures!” *throws pictures on the counter*

Me: “Sir, they look fine to me.”

Customer: “You put your fingers in my pictures!”

Me: “That’s impossible, sir, there’s no way my fingers could be in your pictures.”

Customer: “They stuck them in the way when you were printing them.”

Me: “No, sir, the way our machine works that just can’t happen. The only way there could be fingers in the pictures is if whoever was taking the picture accidentally let their fingers get in the shot.”

Customer: “Well, I’m a professional and I took all these pictures so I know it wasn’t me. It has to be your fingers!”

Me: “Sir, was I there when you took your pictures?”

Customer: *looks annoyed and confused* “No…”

Me: “They’re not my fingers then.”

(This continued for another fifteen minutes, with the customer complaining about our machine being out of focus and a mystery line that very obviously resembled a camera strap.)

This story is part of the Customers-Are-Bad-Photographers roundup!

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Customer: “I need a fan.”

Me: “What kind of fan?”

Customer: “A fan for where I plug my modem in.”

Me: “Do you have it with you?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

(Customer leaves and returns with the computer. A hairdryer is duct-taped to the power supply, nozzle pointing into where the fan normally sits.)

Me: *dumbfounded* “Why is there a hairdryer taped to your computer?”

Customer: “Well, I have to keep it warm, or it will freeze up.”

This story is part of the “Customers Who Don’t Know How The World Works” roundup!

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Customer: “What time does the film start?”

Me: “The film starts fifteen minutes after the time on your ticket. There are fifteen minutes of ads and trailers.”

Customer: “No, I said what time does the F-I-L-M start?!”

Me: “The film starts after fifteen minutes of trailers, so fifteen minutes after whatever it says on the ticket. Your ticket says 3:30 pm, so the film would start at 3:45. Okay?”

Customer: “Don’t blind me with science!”

(I’m working at the cigarette counter. I wear glasses.)

Me: “How can I help you today?”

(Customer is clearly not from this country and speaks in broken English with a thick accent.)

Customer: “Glasses!” *points at my face* “Glasses!”

Me: “You like my glasses?”

Customer: “No glasses. No glasses!”

Me: “You don’t like my glasses.”

Customer: “Not you. No glasses.”

Me: “Not me? No glasses? You want someone without glasses?”

Customer: “Yes. No glasses!”

(I look over at another cashier and a nearby register who heard everything and have her switch with me. Meanwhile, everyone around us is cracking up laughing.)

Customer: “This movie is in German. I want a different one.”

(It was “The Lives of Others,” which won Best Foreign Film at the Oscars–which was stated on the box in big letters.)

Me: “I can’t give you another movie, because it was subtitled. Plus, it says it on the box in two places.”

Customer: “But I don’t speak German.”

Me: “Neither do I.”

Customer: “Why do they make movies in German in America?”

Me: “Because it was made by German people.”

This story is part of the Refusing To Read roundup!

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