Me: “Okay, so what seems to be the problem?”

Caller: “Well, it’s my son’s computer, it’s… smoking.”

Me: “It’s smoking? Is it making a loud beeping sound or is it hot? Anything else that would indicate that it’s on fire?”

Caller: “No! It’s not hot or anything. In fact, it seems to work just fine, but after it being on for about two or three minutes it starts to smoke.”

Me: “Okay… well, shut the machine down, unplug it, and then hold down the power button for about ten seconds.”

Caller: “Okay. Got it. Now what?”

Me: “Okay, open the case and take a look inside. Does anything look melted or cracked or–”

Caller: “Oh…”

Me: “You found the problem?”

Caller: *angry* “Oooh, yeah. There’s… uh… there’s a little plastic bag taped to the inside of the case… full of dried green stuff.”

Me: *trying not to laugh*

Caller: “Thanks for your help. I need to go have a talk with my son.” *click*

(I’m waiting in the movie ticket line and overhear three teenage girls having a conversation.)

Girl #1: “What is the mat-in-ee?”

Girl #2: “That’s like, a sea creature, right?”

Girl #3: “OMG, you are so stupid! It’s like when you get a discount because your dad is, like, in the military or something.”

Girl #1: “OMG, I’m so stupid!”

Girl #3: “Yeah, you should pay more attention to your surroundings!”

Customer: “I’m lost. Can I use your phone?”

Me: “I’m sorry, our phones don’t call outside the park.”

Customer: “Can’t you call somebody to help me? I’m lost and I can’t find my daddy.”

Me: “Sure. How old are you?”

Customer: “19.”

Me: “…I’m afraid our security only helps lost children.”

Customer: “But I AM lost.”

Me: “Well, do you know his cell number?”

Customer: “Yeah.” *pulls out cellphone*

This story is part of the Even-More-Customers-Caught-Lying-themed roundup!

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(I overheard this in a comic book store in a trendy area of town.)

Teenager #1: *points to a t-shirt of Che Guevara* “Hey, look, it’s the lead singer of Rage Against The Machine!”

Teenager #2: “I am totally buying one!”

This story is part of the Overheard roundup!

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(I’m recording a group of 15 year-old rappers.)

Me: “Do you like the way that sounds?”

Rapper: “Yo, can you make me sound like, um… like a maaaaan?”

Me: “Um… I’m not really sure I know what you mean.”

Rapper: “Like, I wanna sound like a big man, ya know?”

Me: “Hrm. Okay, let’s try this…” *I lower the pitch of his vocals a bit* …”like that?”

Rapper: “Yeah! Perfect! Now I sound all strong!”