Customer: “Hey! I need help!”

He puts down his laptop and shows me his “issue.” He types “boobs” into Google.

Customer: “I only get articles about breast cancer and some saggy drawings! Where is the good stuff?!”

Me: “Uh… I… Can you please turn the screen away? Thanks. It looks like you have safe-search on. If you turn it off, it will show you results that have been marked as… explicit.”

Customer: “Oooh! How do I turn it off?”

Without looking at the screen, I explain the process.

Customer: “Okay, I have done that. Now what?”

Me: “Refresh your screen.”

Customer: *Does so* “Boobies!” 

Related:
Making A Boob Of One Self, Part 11
Making A Boob Of One Self, Part 10
Making A Boob Of One Self, Part 9
Making A Boob Of One Self, Part 8
Making A Boob Of One Self, Part 7

Client: “There is a problem with the Facebook page. Can you fix it?”

I take a look at the issue.

Me: “I tried, but I couldn’t fix it. I sent a notification to Facebook with the problem. I’m sure they can help us fix it soon.”

Client: “Have you tried reporting the problem to Google?”

Me: “Google? No, that is a different company and has nothing to do with Facebook.”

Client: “I think you should try it anyway. I’m not sure how Google works, but I bet they can fix it.”

Waaaay back in the day, a customer brings in an old floppy drive.

Customer: “I need a new one of these!”

I set him up with a new floppy drive, and he goes away happy. About thirty minutes later, I get a phone call from him.

Customer: “The cable doesn’t fit in the back of the floppy! You sold me the wrong thing!”

Me: “Sir, I assure you that I did not sell you the wrong product.”

He hangs up but calls back again another thirty minutes later.

Customer: “It’s still not working! You’ve sold me the wrong product, and I can prove it!”

Me: “Sir, please come back to the store and I can exchange it.”

He came back to the store and gave me the floppy drive. I tested it there in front of him and it worked just fine. Then, he showed me the cable. Due to the fact that the cable had one pin blocked, he had drilled it out. I took the cable from him and flipped it over while looking at him sternly. He turned bright red as he realized he was a dumb-a**. 

He had drilled a hole into the blocked part of a floppy cable.

I remember when a new intern started at our office in the 1990s. I was relatively new myself. I saw the intern being shown around, and then they disappeared into the office for a few hours. I next saw them rushing towards the exit, almost crying. The person assigned to train them stepped out, almost laughing.

Me: *Fearing the worst* “What happened?”

Trainer: “Hey, new idea. Let’s make sure that new interns know the difference between a fax machine and a shredder.”

When the intern found out that they had, in fact, not been loading a fifty-page report into the “paper sending machine”, they were mortified with embarrassment and fled the scene. They never came back.

Related:
‘Cause You’re An Intern, WA DA DA WAP WA DAAAAAA! Part 2
‘Cause You’re An Intern, WA DA DA WAP WA DAAAAAA!

I send a group of clients an email with links so they can share them with their Facebook fans and/or newsletter subscribers. One client responds almost immediately.

Client: “The links you sent me don’t work.”

Me: “What do you mean, they don’t work? I just tested them again to be sure. They are indeed correct.”

Client: “No, if they’re correct, they’re supposed to turn blue in my email. Can you send me the correct links?”

Me: “If you copy and paste them into your web browser, the pages will come up fine. Your email program didn’t convert them to hyperlinks for some reason, but it’s fine. I promise.”

Client: “Can you just send me the correct links?”