(I am part of a team sourced from other stores to help a store get organised, as they can’t seem to get work completed. The company has had nothing but complaints about the state of the store. I find myself working alongside one of the store’s employees. We both have our own tasks. She is taking stock out of cartons and arranging them onto a shelf.)

Coworker: “What do you think? Does that look okay?”

Me: “Yeah, they look fine there.”

Coworker: *starts taking the items off the shelf and putting them back into the carton*

Me: “What are you doing?”

Coworker: “I have to dust the shelf” *she dusts the shelf, then puts the stock back in place* “Yes, that looks good.” *again she starts taking the stock off the shelf and placing them back into the carton*

Me: “What are you doing now?”

Coworker: “Now I have to price the stock.” *stands back watching me using my scanner*

Me: “Are you waiting to use this?”

Coworker: “No, I have one.”

(My coworker picks up her scanner and starts fiddling around with it finally she makes her first scan and then starts scanning about 24 of the same item separately instead of simply putting a quantity in. I am dumbfounded, and simply don’t want to be working next to this woman.)

Me: “How about I finish up those with my lot and you go to find [Supervisor] for another job?”

Coworker: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes, I’m sure.”

(I had completed about ten shelves in the time it took her to not complete one. I think I know why they had so much trouble keeping the store organised. It didn’t surprise me when the company decided to close that location down.)

(It is around October in 2014.)

Customer: “Do you have the new Pirates Of The Caribbean movie?”

Me: *assuming he means the fourth film, which is the latest one* “Of course. It’s right over here.” *I pick up a copy of “On Stranger Tides”*

Customer: “Nah, I mean the new one. The fifth one.”

Me: “Oh, that’s not out yet.”

Customer: “When will you have it in?”

Me: “Well, I think I heard that they’re going to be filming it next year, and that it’s due to be released in 2017.”

Customer: “But when will you have it in?”

Me: “Um… In 2017, probably.”

(This story takes place in 2000. I work in a small, family-owned video store that has just gotten enough DVDs to fill our first DVD rack. An elderly woman calls.)

Woman: “I’ve just gotten a DVD player, and I was wondering if you could help me get it connected so I can watch movies.”

(Obviously, this isn’t my job, but it’s the middle of the day on a weekday, when we can go hours without a customer.)

Me: “Sure thing, ma’am. First things first, on the back of your TV, do you see a little silvery nub with threads like a screw on it, or do you already have a cable plugged into the back of it?”

Woman: “No, I’m not seeing anything like that.”

Me: “That’s fine. About how old is this TV?”

Woman: “Just a couple years.”

(I end up describing every port I can think of to her, but she is unable to find anything that corresponds to my directions. I’m getting a little frustrated when she comes up with a solution.)

Woman: “Well, the man from the store that delivered it is still here; you think I can ask him to do it?”

Me: *face-palms* “Yes. Yes, ma’am, that’s a great idea. Please do that.”

(Later, I recognize her from her voice when she comes in to rent her first DVDs. This goes off without a hitch. Thirty minutes later, I get another call.)

Woman: “Hello, I was just at your store to rent DVDs and I think they’re not working.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. Is there a message saying, ‘The disc cannot be read,’ or something like that?”

Woman: “No, it’s showing the name of the movie and things like, ‘Play,’ ‘Chapters,’ ‘Extras,’ but it won’t actually start playing.”

Me: “Is one of those options a different color than the others, or highlighted?”

Woman: “Yes, the one that says, ‘Play.’”

Me: “Great! Do you see a button on your remote that says, ‘Enter’?”

Woman: “Yes!”

Me: “Fantastic. Please press that.”

Woman: “Oh, there it goes! Thank you so much!”

(Two days later, I’m working as she comes to return the DVDs. I take the cases, but she lingers.)

Woman: “I’m so sorry. I really tried, but I couldn’t figure out how to rewind them. Please don’t charge me!”

Me: *I try to think of how to explain, and finally just start checking them in* “It’s okay, ma’am; we’ll let it go, since it’s the first time.”

(Our store is officially closing for good. This is in September. However, in February or so, someone placed an order for kids shoes, paid for it over the phone by credit card, and has never been in to pick it up, nor has she ever told us to ship the shoes. Said shoes have been sitting in the back of our “hold” shelf — behind a door, behind the registers — and we have all but forgotten about it. Our District Manager is helping us move stuff and destroy it, and since this box of shoes has been out of our inventory for six months, corporate cannot take it back without speaking with the woman who ordered. Luckily, we have the woman’s credit card and phone on file, so our District Manager called her. I can’t remember exactly what was said, but this is basically what happens. Please note our District Manager is from New Jersey, NOT the North Shore of Chicago.)

District Manager: “Hello. My name is [District Manager]. I’m looking for…” *silence* “Yes, hello.”

(The woman on the phone says something.)

District Manager: “Okay, so, we have shoes here that you bought in [Whatever Month]. We are closing this branch of the store, and we were looking to ship them to you—”

(The woman says something else.)

District Manager: “Well, we have them here, and…” *pause* “Well, we are willing to ship them to you free of charge…” *pause* “Yes, I understand you’ve moved to North Carolina, but as you’ve paid for them, we would gladly ship them to you…” *pause* “Yes, but as we are closing, and you’ve already paid for them, we can ship them to you free of charge…” *pause* “Ma’am, we’re closing. I repeat, we will not be here… “ *pause* “We can ship them to you. The store is closing. It will not be here. We will not be open. We will be closed. There…” *pause* “No, ma’am. We can ship them to you. Free of charge. Ma’am. You’ve already paid for them. Ma’am. Yes. I know you’ve moved to North Carolina, but as these shoes are out of our inventory, we cannot take them back.” *pause* “Yes, you can return them, but only on the card ending in [number]…” *pause* “No, ma’am, we cannot put it on another card. Ma’am. I know. We can ship them to you…” *pause* “Ma’am. Yes. We know you’ve moved. Yes. We’ll ship them. Right away. Yes. Thank you. Have a great day. Yes. Thank you.”

(She hangs up and I say:)

Me: “I love that you tried to tell her we could ship.”

District Manager: “That’s not what I was doing, but I wasn’t expecting her to be quite that stupid… considering she spent over a hundred dollars on kids’ shoes.”

(The rest of our closing went without a hitch.)

(My store is running a clearance event with additional markdowns listed on items by way of large stickers showing 33%, 50% off, etc. I notice that several of the items that had been placed on one set of tables do not have an original price listed, so customers would have no way of calculating what the final price would be. I walk an associate over to explain what I want her to do.)

Me: “Grab a clearance sticker gun and go ahead and make sure everything on these tables is ticketed.”

Associate: “Correctly?”

Me: *laughing a little at first, because I think she’s kidding, but then a little sad when I realize she’s not* “Yes, well, that would be the point.”