(A customer comes in with a folder of stapled bundles of paper.)

Customer: “I need copies of these.”

Me: “Okay, and would you like to keep the copies the same as your originals? In stapled packages like this?”

Customer: “Yes, please.”

Me: “Okay, and do you need it today?”

Customer: “Oh, I need it right now.”

Me: “I can certainly start it right now, but I can’t have it done right away for you. Something like this is a bit more time-consuming.”

Customer: “What’s time consuming about it?!”

Me: “Well, I have to take the staples out and copy each package individually, and I’m assuming you want the originals re-stapled?”

Customer: “Ugh, this is ridiculous! You’re saying you can’t do it right now?”

Me: “I can definitely start it right now; I’ll take them to the copier right away. But like I said, it’s a bit more time consuming and takes more attention. I can guarantee it in an hour if you like. But it—”

Customer: *cutting me off* “It’s going to take a whole hour?!”

Me: “I can guarantee it in an hour, but I might have it done in less time.”

Customer: “Fine! I guess I don’t have any other option!”

(I quickly fill out an order form.)

Me: “And is this your cell phone number? I can call you as soon as it’s done.”

Customer: “Oh, I’m going to stand right here while you do it.”

Me: “Okay.”

(The job is going smoothly, and the store isn’t busy at the beginning, and I’m dreading her saying something snarky about how it didn’t take long like I said it would. Before I get too far into the order, I hear her on her phone talking loudly:)

Customer: “I’m waiting for them to try and get my order done because I needed it yesterday and this is getting ridiculous.”

(When I was halfway through her order, a line-up formed and I had to stop to book in a complicated order for someone else and also do a passport photo. It took me a little over half an hour to get her job completed in between and after other customers. She was really nice to me when I brought it over to her, I think because she realized she was being rude. But I’m SUPER glad that she stayed so she could witness what it’s like for us behind the counter, and why I don’t tell customers I can do their orders for them on the spot. Just because it isn’t busy at one moment, it doesn’t mean it’ll stay like that. Other customers exist, too.)

I manage a store, but I also assist the owner with supervising all six of his stores. I get this call from him one day.

Owner:
“I don’t know what we’re going to do about [Employee]. We just got a customer complaint into the head office about her attitude.”

Me:
“Really? But she’s been doing really well with her customer service since the last complaint a few months ago. I’ve watched her and she has been great.”

Owner:
“Well, the customer said she gave the impression of being rude to him.”

Me:
“Oh, what did she say that was rude?”

Owner:
“Well, she didn’t say or do anything rude, she just gave the impression that she could be rude in the future. So, what are we going to do about it?”

Me:
“Umm, nothing. Saying that someone may have the potential to be rude is not a valid complaint.”

We are a takeout only restaurant, meaning we do not have a public restroom and, due to insurance issue, we cannot let anyone into the back of the store that is not employed with the company. An employee comes to the back of the store where I am working.

Employee:
“Can you come up here and talk to this customer? He said he is going to pee on our floor.”

Me:
“Okay.” *To the customer* “Hi, sir, I am the manager; how can I help you?”

Customer:
“Well, I ordered my pizza and it is going to take ten minutes and I have to pee.”

Me:
“Well, unfortunately, sir, due to insurance restrictions, we are not allowed to let anyone into the back of the store, but the video store next door has a public restroom that they are more than happy to let you use if you ask them at the desk for the key.”

Customer:
“Nope, I think I will go right here.”

We still have to make his order.

Me:
“I am going to have to ask you not to do that, sir.”

Customer:
“Why not? What are you going to do about it?”

Me:
“Well, I suppose I would have to call the police, sir, and I really don’t want to do that.”

Customer:
“Go ahead. I will be gone before they get here.”

Me:
“Well, we do have video, sir, and you did pay by debit so we have your information.”

Customer:
“Just go make my pizza.”

I went back, made his pizza, and spent the next ten minutes watching the video cameras to make sure he didn’t urinate in my lobby.

To sum up my job, I answer inquiries from inbound calls. While we have a separate Technical Support line we provide to callers with certain issues, it is part of our duties to assist callers with locating information on the website, as well as helping them log into the online services. This call went slightly south and then proceeded to Chile.

Caller:
“Yes, I’m trying to log into [online service] and I’m having trouble. Can you help me?”

The caller is identifiably elderly.

Me:
“Certainly! Are you on your computer?”

Caller:
“Yes, I am.”

Me:
“Perfect. I want you to open an Internet browser. Let me know when it’s open.”

Caller:
“Oh, I already have it open, dear.”

Me:
“Okay. I want you to click on the address bar at the top where you type in website addresses, and type this: [website address]. Let me know when the page loads.”

Caller:
“Okay, I did that.”

I describe the website and a large picture on it that I intend to use as a point of reference.

Me:
“There’s a link to the right of the picture that says ‘Login.’ Do you see it?”

Caller:
“I don’t see any picture. I see something for telephone numbers, interest rates, news…”

I am on the website, and none of this is right out in front where she could see it. I’m totally confused.

Me:
“Okay, I want to make sure we’re on the same page. Did you go to [website address]?”

Caller:
“Yes, I typed that in, and I see links for news, telephone numbers, and a bunch of other things. Maybe I’ll try the next page…”

At this point, the lightbulb goes on for me.

Me:
“Ma’am, are you on Google?”

Caller:
*Sounding annoyed* “Yes, yes, I’m on Google. Why can’t I find what you’re talking about?”

Me:
“Okay, I want you to look at the top of the screen. You’ll see a little white bar that says something like [Google’s address] in it. Do you see it?”

Caller:
“Yes, I do.”

Me:
“Okay, click on it, and type [website address].”

Caller:
“Okay.”

I hear the signature “DOOdoo doo DOO” Windows 7 logoff sound over the phone. I am unable to keep the exasperated tone out of my voice.

Me:
“Ma’am… did you just turn your computer off?”

Caller:
“I’m calling back when I can get someone with more patience!”

I work at the front desk at a hotel. A guest is checking in but the debit terminal at the computer is out of order.

Manager:
“Hello, and welcome to the hotel. Do you have a reservation with us?”

Guest:
“Yes.”

Manager:
“Okay, we have you in for one night. The total will be $150; how do you wish to pay today?

Guest:
“Debit, please.”

Manager:
“Okay, sounds great. Unfortunately, my debit terminal is out of order so we will have to use this other one just next to us.”

The working debit machine is literally a three-step side shuffle away.

Guest:
“RACIST!”

They stormed out, and to this day we still don’t know what happened.