(It’s late one evening when a customer walks into the store, obviously not feeling well. Our store emails coupons to loyal customers.)

Customer: “I have coupons but I forgot to print them out. I’m not asking for the discount today, but if I bring them in tomorrow could I still get the discount?”

Manager: “To get the discount on today’s items, you will have to have the coupons with you when you checkout.”

Customer: “You’re kidding me! So you want me to come all the way back here tonight when I’m this sick?”

(She storms to the back of the store, grabs a small bag of dog food, and tosses it roughly onto the counter.)

Customer: “Who’s your district manager? This is such crappy service! I shouldn’t even be out doing this today! I was just diagnosed with whooping cough!” *leaves*

(Both my manager and I look at each other, surprised. He takes down her information and gives her the number for the district manager.)

Me: “Why’d you take her information down?”

Manager: “So I know who to send my medical bill to if I get sick.”

(We close at 10 PM. Ten minutes to closing, I am near the entrance folding clothes when a middle-aged customer walks up.)

Customer: “What time y’all close?”

Me: “We close at 10:00.”

Customer: *looks at the clock, which says 9:50 pm* “Oh, good! That means I have a half hour!”

(I am a telephone operator for a very large international company. Callers need to know the first and last name of the person they need to be transferred to.)

Caller: “Hi, can I be transferred to Steve?”

Me: “Sure, what’s Steve’s last name?”

Caller: “Oh, I don’t know his last name. I just know his name is Steve.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but this is the global directory and I would have no way of looking him up without his last name.”

Caller: “Oh, I see. Well, I’ll just call him and get his last name, then.”

Me: “Wait… if you have his direct number, why were you calling me in the first place?”

Caller: *hangs up*

(I work at a public library. Patrons often ask us how to print from the computers.)

Patron: “I need to pay for my printing.”

Me: “Okay. When you hit the print button, how much did it say it was going to cost?”

Patron: “I did not hit the print button.”

Me: “What computer were you sitting at?”

Patron: *impatient* “I was not sitting at a computer. I am trying to print from the typewriter!”

Me: “I’m sorry, I am confused. You were not sitting at a computer, but at the typewriter? And you want to print what you typed?”

Patron: “This is ridiculous! I cannot believe you won’t help me!” *leaves*

(I work at a large factory and am spread across all three shifts. Sometimes, I don’t make it to certain areas for weeks. I’m also a newlywed of one year, and am the same size as when I got married. One day. I run into an older female employee.)

Employee: “Wow! Haven’t seen you in a while!”

Me: “Yes, sorry. It’s been crazy around here.”

Employee: “So, I have a question.”

Me: “Sure, what is it?”

Employee: “Are you expecting?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I’m not.”

Employee: “Oh! Well, marriage looks good on you then.”

Me: “Um, thanks?”

Employee: “Don’t worry, dear. I gained 40 pounds after I got married!”

Me: *speechless*

Employee: “There’s no shame in letting yourself go a little.” *winks*

Me: *speechless*