(I work in a store in the mall that sells higher-end clothing. We have different “styles” — casual, evening, business attire, etc. — in the main women’s room. A customer comes in and I do my whole routine.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Store]! Is there anything I can help you with?”

Customer: “Do you sell skirts?”

Me: “What kind of skirt are you looking for?”

Customer: *getting a little impatient* “A skirt. Do you sell them?”

Me: “Well, yes. But they’re scattered throughout the store.”

Customer: “Show me.”

(I start showing the customer where we have all of our skirts. By the time we get to the back of the store, she’s clearly disinterested.)

Me: “…and here are the pencil skirts.”

Customer: “Why didn’t you tell me where the pencil skirts were?! God, can’t you teens do anything right?”

(The customer then stormed out of the store.)

(I work in a head shop, where we sell various knick-knacks, as well as adult novelties and smoking accessories. We have a beautiful sugar skull bust that sits on top of our humidor, which is not for sale. He is our unofficial store mascot, and we’ve named him Poe. Unfortunately for us, people have a hard time accepting that he is not for sale. We have a couple who comes in once a month and always makes a fuss about it.)

Woman: *gesturing to Poe* “I love this guy.”

Me: “As we’ve told you, ma’am, Poe is not for sale. We do have some sugar skulls over on the black shelving.”

Woman: “I remember. We were here about a month ago and I bought that sugar skull painting. I collect skulls.”

(I know all of this, as I’m the one who sold her the painting, and refused to sell her Poe then.)

Me: “We did get a new one in, down the bottom. It’s a bank.”

(The couple continues to shop while I watch them from behind the counter.)

Man: *trying to be funny and speaking loud enough for me to hear* “I could distract her, and you could grab him and make a run for it.”

Me: *getting really fed up because I don’t find jokes about stealing funny* “Go right ahead. But I will warn you: I have multiple tasers, pepper spray, and batons right next to me. I’ve been dying to try them out.”

(I flashed them my sweetest smile and pointed to the shelf. They both looked at me for a beat, then at the shelf full of weaponry right next to me, then continued to browse for another minute, before leaving empty-handed. I am happy to say, I haven’t seen either of them since!)

(I am the manager on duty at the store I work for. This particular store charges a $1 fee to get cash back from your debit card, and you are notified of this charge and must agree to it on the pin pad to receive the cash. I am in the break room when my cashier pages me to her register to help with an upset customer.)

Me: “Hello there. What can I do for you today?”

Customer: “I would like to do a return, but your cashier won’t help me!”

Me: “I’m sorry about that. She actually doesn’t have the authority to do returns, but I would be more than happy to help you. What is it that you would like to return?”

Customer: “This!” *she throws $10 onto the counter and crosses her arms*

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am; I don’t understand. You want to return your cash?”

Customer: “That’s right! I just bought all this–” *holds up her bags* “–and got $10 cash back off my card, but didn’t know you charged me to get it. You’re stealing people’s money, so I don’t want the cash back anymore! Take it back, and just put that and the fee back onto my card.”

Me: “I… I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t do that.”

Customer: “Here. Take my receipt. It shows that I did, indeed, get the cash back, so you should have no problem putting it back on my card for me.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we just can’t do returns on cash back. We can only do returns for items. If you want the money to be put back onto your debit card, then you will have to take it to the bank your checking account is with and deposit it there. But unfortunately, the fee will still be there because you still got cash back from us.”

Customer: “How do you think you are going to get away with this? You have some nerve charging me to take out my own money. You need to tell the customer if we are being charged for something! Otherwise, that’s just theft!”

Me: “I agree, that would be theft. However, on the pin pad, after selecting cash back, you were prompted with a message that let you know you would be charged a fee of $1 to get cash back, and you would have had to hit the agree button to receive it.”

Customer: “Well, I didn’t read it, so I didn’t know what I was agreeing to. And since I didn’t know what I was agreeing to, it doesn’t count. I have bills to pay; I can’t just have people taking my money without me knowing first.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but it works like any other contract. If you agree to the terms, then you are bound to them, whether you actually took the time to read them or not. You agreed to pay a $1 convenience fee, and you were given your $10 cash back. Unfortunately, there is nothing else I can do for you.”

Customer: “That is completely ridiculous! This is the worst customer service I have ever received! This is only my second time at [Store], and I will never shop here again. I’m going to tell everyone how [Store] steals from its customers! You will be out of business in no time!”

(She crumpled up her $10 bill, shoved it into her purse, and stormed out of the store. My cashier and I just stared at each other for a minute before getting back to work.)

Related:
Cash Back Attack, Part 4
Cash Back Attack, Part 3
Cash Back Attack, Part 2

(I work at a very popular phone, tablet, and computer store. I am at the entrance with a coworker waiting to help customers when she gets approached by an older gentleman.)

Customer: “I have a question.”

Coworker: “Okay! What’s up?”

Customer: “I have a computer running [software about five years old]. My Internet browser keeps telling me it’s out of date, but my software won’t update. How do I force it to?”

(My coworker is fairly new, so I can tell she isn’t sure how to answer the question. She tries to ask a few more questions to figure out what’s going on, but the customer just keeps saying he can’t find where to update. I step in to help her out.)

Me: “Sir, how old is your computer?”

Customer: “I don’t know; probably eight or nine years.”

Me: “Well, that could be your issue; your computer might not have enough power to run the newer software, so the system knows not to let you update. Otherwise, it can do some harm to your hardware, so really, it’s trying to save you!”

Customer: *now visibly angry* “SO, IT’S PREPLANNED OBSOLESCENCE, THEN?!”

Me: “I wouldn’t call it preplanned, but we can’t support all of our computers forever.”

Customer: “IT IS. They do this on purpose to make you spend money! I used to work with computers! I know!”

Me: “Then you of all people should know how progression of technology works. If we still supported every computer we’ve come out with for the last 30 years, we wouldn’t have come very far.”

Customer: *he scoffs and turns to start walking away* “I can’t believe this! Forced obsolescence! This is ridiculous!”

Me: *to my coworker after he’s out of earshot* “Well. Okay, then.”

(I occasionally get calls on my personal cell phone from people I work with, so I have gotten in the habit of always answering my phone by stating my name if it is from a number I don’t recognize. One morning I get a call that appears as “No Caller ID.” I normally don’t answer these, but I have also recently entered a radio sweepstakes, so I decide to answer on the off-chance they want to tell me I’ve just won $1,000.)

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name].”

Caller: “Hi, [My Name], how are you doing this morning?

Me: “Fine, how are you?”

Caller: “Oh, you know, can’t complain. Say, could you tell me who supplies the ink and everything for the printer?”

Me: “What printer?”

Caller: “You guys don’t use a printer or fax?”

Me: “I don’t own a printer, no. And this is my personal number, not a business.”

Caller: *suddenly offended* “Oh, well, you said this is [My Name].” *click*

(I wasn’t aware that I was a business!)