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Sign Up For A Rewards Karma

, , , , , , | Right | December 12, 2012

(The store is having a big sale on all dog costumes because it’s a few days away from Halloween. You must have our rewards card, which is free, to get the sale price.)

Me: “All right, do you have a rewards card? The costume is on sale today.”

Customer: “No, thank you.”

Me: “Are you sure? You could save a bit of money. It’s completely free to sign up.”

Customer: “I said no! God! You people!”

Me: *taken aback* “All right. Your total is $16.99.”

Customer: *mumbles* “Stupid cards.”

(She takes her receipt and starts gathering her things as I ring up the next customer, who is also buying a costume.)

Me: “All right, that’ll be $4.49.”

Customer: “Hey! Why is hers so cheap?!”

Next Customer: “Because I used the free card you rudely refused, after she tried to save you money.”

(I tried not to laugh as the rude customer stormed out of the store, leaving her pet’s costume at my register. My thanks to the next customer who said what I couldn’t!)

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A Merry-No-Sound

, , , | Related | August 24, 2012

(I’m about three and it’s my first time riding a horse. The only other types of horses I’ve ridden are the carousel horses at fairs.)

Mom: “How are you doing, sweetie?”

Me: “Where’s the music?”

Mom: “What?”

Me: “The other horses at the fairs play music. Why won’t this one?!”


This story is part of our Horse roundup!

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The Jean-Grey To My Scott Summers

, , , , | Romantic | April 22, 2012

(My husband and I are in a comic book store looking at collectable comics. I pick up an old X-Men comic.)

Me: “Hey, hun. What would happen if you cut off Wolverine’s head? Would he grow a new head, or a new body?”

Husband & Store Owner: “What?”

Me: “Or, would his head grow a new body, his body grow a new head, and end up with two Wolverines?”

Husband: “Wolverine has an adamantium spine. You can’t cut his head off.”

Me: “But, what about before he got the adamantium? What if someone had cut his head off? And if then it had made two Wolverines, would they have worked together, or would they have tried to kill each other until the end of time?”

Store Owner: “I don’t know where you found her, buddy, but never let her go.”

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Let It Rip

, , , , | Right | April 11, 2011

(I work at a music store, which also sells tickets to local concerts. I have just finished selling tickets to this customer.)

Customer: “What happens if these get ripped?”

Me: “Most of the venues will still take the ticket as long as you have all of the pieces and the concert information is legible. If the tickets do get ripped, though, be sure to call the venue ahead of time. Just to be sure they’ll still honor them.”

Customer: “I went to [well-known amusement park] and they wouldn’t let me in because my ticket was ripped.”

Me: “Oh, that’s too bad.”

Customer: “I saw them ripping the tickets as people went in. I ripped mine while waiting in line, to save time. Do you know how this place will rip the tickets? I’d like to do it before I get there.”

Me: “I thought you were talking about accidentally ripping the tickets. Yeah, I have no idea how this place will rip the tickets. You really shouldn’t rip any tickets on purpose.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “You never know if the ripped ticket will still be honored. You might end up not getting in and wasting your money.”

Customer: “But it saves time!”


This story is part of the Impatient Customers roundup!

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Just Another Mild Mannered Horse

, , , , | Right | February 23, 2011

(I work in the barn, where I explain the rules of our corn maze. There are usually two or three horses in there as well, one of which is white.)

Customer: “That is a beautiful unicorn.”

Me: “He’s a handsome boy all right. Just missing the horn. You can pat him if you like.”

Customer: “But he is white, and strong like unicorn! They are very strong.”

Me: “He would make a very nice unicorn. He’s a Percheron, though, so no horn.”

Customer: “He must hide his horn, to protect! He cannot always be a unicorn!”


This story is part of our Unicorn roundup!

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