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Losing Cruise Control

, , , , , | Right | February 16, 2011

(I am working in the fitting room when a woman walks up to my counter.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am. How many items?”

Customer: “You don’t sell winter jackets, do you? I didn’t see any. Nothing like this that I bought at [Other Store]. This cost me only eighty-nine dollars!”

Me: “That’s very nice, ma’am.”

(I try to remain friendly as the woman shows me her jacket, her purse, and the shoes she is currently wearing. This goes on for about ten minutes.)

Customer: “You know, I went on a cruise a few weeks ago. Now I need to buy a swimsuit, but I don’t suppose you have any, do you?”

Me: “Actually, we just got a bunch of bathing suits in a few weeks ago. They’re over in the corner of the women’s department.”

(The customer spends about ten more minutes telling me about all of the different cruises she had been on. I’m trying not to be rude, but I have other customers who are trying to get into the fitting room. One by one they go in, and one by one this customer stops them to tell them about all of her cruises. All in all, this lasts for about fifteen more minutes.)

Customer: “And would you believe that I’m fifty-eight years old! I look great for my age, don’t you think? It’s because of all of the cruises I’ve been on! At least two a year. I’m very rich.”

Me: “That’s nice, ma’am.”

(Eventually, the customer’s husband comes over and grabs her by the arm.)

Customer’s Husband: “Why are you still over here?! You’ve been here for nearly half an hour.”

Customer: “Oh, I was just telling this nice young lady about all of the cruises you’ve taken me on!”

Customer’s Husband: “You’ve never been on a god d*** cruise in your entire life, you old bat!”


This story is part of our Bickering Couple roundup!

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Fighting Ignorance With Ignorance, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | February 7, 2011

(I am working in the clothing section of a department store when I overhear this conversation. I work with a very nice woman who moved to America from India about ten years ago.)

Mother: “Did you find everything you needed, hon?”

Child: “Yep! A really nice Indian lady helped me.”

Mother: “No, no! We don’t say Indian. We say ‘Native American.'”

Child: “No, mom, not that kind of Indian. One from India!”

Mother: “Don’t be silly, hon. We took their country from them, not gave them one.”


This story is part of the American States roundup!

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Mothers Can Be A Daily Grind

, , , , | Right | November 9, 2010

(We were giving away free packages of instant coffee for promotional reasons. Each package was about the size of a sugar packet.)

Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “It’s a free package of instant coffee. Would you like one?”

Customer: “How does it work?”

Me: “Just put it in a cup, and mix it with water.”

Customer: “Is the cup and water inside the package?”

Customer’s Mother: “You’re a moron.”


This story is part of the More-Extra-Stupid-Customers roundup!

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Not So Smart-Phone

, , , | Right | October 1, 2010

Customer: “I’m looking for a cable to hook my [Brand] cell phone up to the computer. The plug looks like this.” *the customer shows me the broken end of a cable*

Me: “This doesn’t look like the plug for any [Brand] phone I’ve ever seen. May I see the phone?”

(The customer hands me his phone, which is a bulky, inelegant phone/camera/portable TV and very obviously not a [Brand].)

Me: “Sir, who told you this phone was a [Brand]?”

Customer: “Some guy in Boston I bought it from. See, right there is the logo.”

(The customer points to a logo on the phone that looks exactly like the logo for one of [Brand]’s famous product lines, but it is slightly modified so that one of the letters is different.)

Me: “Well, I think I see the problem. This is definitely not a [Brand]; it’s a cheap Chinese knock-off, and that logo has one of the letters changed. See?”

Customer: “Let’s look at the manual. I’ve got it here.”

(The customer begins thumbing through what looks like a photocopied manual full of tiny text written in bad English.)

Customer: “You’d think the guys at [Brand] would be able to write clearer instructions.”

Me: “Sir, I really recommend that you bring that item back if you can.”

Customer: “No way. I bought this because it’s a phone that doesn’t need the web. All they have these days are smartphones that go on the web. But I’m not smart.”

Me: “Did the guy in Boston tell you that?”

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They Cry Real Tears Too

, , , | Right | September 20, 2010

(I watch as a customer unfolds every single shirt at a table, holds it up, and then puts it back. She walks to the next table and I begin refolding the shirts.)

Customer: “Oh, wow!”

Me: “Is something wrong, ma’am?”

Customer: “No, nothing. I just didn’t realize they got real people to fold the shirts!”

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