Bi-Curiouser and Curiouser

, , , , , , , | Right | June 30, 2010

(I am speaking Spanish to a customer at the register. I finish the transaction and see the next customer.)

Customer: *speaking loudly and slowly* “Hello! I want to pay cash!”

Me: “Find everything you need today?”

Customer: “Wow! So, you can speak English and Spanish? I didn’t think you spoke any English.”

Me: “Yes, I’m bilingual.”

Customer: “Wow! So, you speak two languages fluently and you’re gay?”

Me: “No, just bilingual.”

Customer: “I heard you the first time, silly! Lots of gay pride in you, huh?”

Did you find this story using our Harvey Milk Day roundup?

Click here to get back to it!

Click here to see the next story!

1 Thumbs
5,324

Unsolved Mystery Shopper

, , , | Right | March 29, 2010

(A customer walks up with a shirt.)

Customer: “Is this what she was talking about?”

Me: “Who?”

Customer: “My daughter, is this what she was talking about?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Customer: “Why? I just want to know if this is what she was talking about.”

Me: “Were you talking with me about clothing?”

Customer: “No, I was talking to her at our house. Is this what she was talking about?”

Me: “Ma’am, I wasn’t with you last night when you were talking with your daughter.”

Customer: “Oh, I know. But, is this what she was talking about?”

Me: “Yes. Yes, it was.”

Customer: “Great! I’ll get it!”


This story is part of the American States roundup!

Want to read the next story? Click here!

Want to read the roundup? Click here!

1 Thumbs
3,179

Jane Austinpocalypse

, , , , , | Right | February 26, 2010

(A teenage customer and his girlfriend are at the checkout.)

Customer: “Does the original Pride and Prejudice actually have zombies in it?”

Me: “Um, no, but we have Pride, Prejudice, and Zombies, which has zombies.”

Customer: “But the original Pride and Prejudice doesn’t have zombies? It’s like, a love story?”

Me: “Yes. It was written in the 19th century. No zombies.”

Customer: *to his girlfriend* “See, I told you so!”


This story is part of the Zombies roundup!

Read the next Zombies roundup story!

Read the Zombies roundup!


This story is part of our Book Lovers roundup!

Read the next Book Lovers Roundup story!

Read the Book Lovers Roundup!

1 Thumbs
3,099

A Wii Bit Of Borderline Arrogance

, , , , , , | Right | August 18, 2009

Customer: “Do you have any Wiis?”

Me: “No, sir, Wiis are all sold out.”

(Customer pulls out a badge and flashes it briefly.)

Customer: “You sure you don’t have any Wiis?”

Me: “No, sir, no Wiis. What exactly was that badge?”

Customer: “Border Patrol.”

(This being New Hampshire, I have to ask:)

Me: “Which border?”

Customer: “Canadian.”

(Customer walks away with a self-important air.)

1 Thumbs
3,148

Eau De Customer

, , , , , , | Right | February 2, 2009

(This is a lake town in New Hampshire, so we see a lot of Quebecians in the summer.)

Mother: “What’s wrong with your lake?”

Me: “I’m sorry? What do you mean?”

Mother: “Your lake is bad. There’s something nasty in it.”

Me: “Well, I don’t know about that… I myself swim in there fairly often…”

Mother: “Well, your lake has made my son smell like garbage! Your lake must have garbage in it!”

Me: “Well, I’m pretty sure that’s just not true.”

Mother: “You must have built up resistance or something. Here, smell him.” *pushes son towards me*

Me: “Excuse me? I’d rather not smell your son.”

Mother: “So you admit that he smells like garbage from your lake! You people should do something about this.” *takes her groceries and leaves, smiling in a superior fashion*

Coworker: “Did she seriously want you to smell her son?”

1 Thumbs
2,008