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Rage Against The Machine, Part 6

, , , , | Right | October 27, 2017

(I work in the electronics department for an office supply chain. Some of our displays for copiers and printers are fake, but customers don’t realize it sometimes.)

Customer: “Hello, I need someone to show me how to change the toner on this copy machine.”

Me: “I apologize, ma’am, but that’s a fake display. I can describe the process but I won’t be able to show you on this model.”

Customer: *becoming irate* “No, I need you to show me on this machine!”

Me: “Like I said, unfortunately this machine is just a plastic display. I can’t open the part that holds the toner.”

Customer: “Then you need to find me someone who can! You don’t know anything!”

(I walk away to find a manager to handle the situation. After several minutes of helping her, she finally leaves.)

Me: “So, did she ask you to show her where the toner went?”

Manager: “I picked up the copier off the shelf and shook it to show her it was fake. I think she figured it out.”

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Parents Have Beef With Teachers

, , , , , | Learning | September 29, 2017

(I am a teacher. There is a very quiet but sweet-natured little girl in my class. She is no trouble at all to teach, but seems to be a little sheltered and clueless about a lot of very basic things, which has lead to her being picked on by other kids. Her mother, on the other hand, is something else entirely! At this point, she is going through an extremely bitter divorce with her ex-husband, and many of the teachers at the school loathe her. Despite presenting herself as a loving woman who cherishes “all living things,” she frequently resorts to threats of violence and intimidation to get what she wants. Last year, she tried to get a teacher fired for reading “The Ugly Duckling,” which she claimed promoted “bullying and narcissism.” Word around town is that social services have been investigating her behavior and are very concerned about the child’s well being. I have just taught a lesson on different foods and where they come from. The little girl is extremely quiet throughout, but nothing seems wrong. The next day at lunch, I get called into the headmaster’s office. My heart sinks when I see the mother standing there, looking like I just murdered her family.)

Mother: “THERE HE IS! THAT’S THE MAN WHO TRAUMATISED MY BABY!”

(The headmaster looks like he wants to be anywhere but here, but reluctantly pushes on.)

Headmaster: “[My Name], did you happen to teach a class about killing animals yesterday?”

(Unexpectedly, I giggle slightly at this, because it sounds absurd.)

Mother: “HOW DARE YOU TEACH MY CHILD HOW TO KILL AN INNOCENT ANIMAL?! YOU ARE A MONSTER!”

Me: “What on earth are you talking about? I said nothing like that.”

Mother: “LIAR! MY BABY WAS UP ALL NIGHT CRYING; SHE WAS HORRIFIED!”

Me: “Sorry, I’m really confused here.”

Headmaster: “Mrs. [Mother] claims that you taught her class how to kill animals and eat them; is this true?”

Me: “Not at all, [Headmaster]. All I did was give a class on food—”

Mother: *interrupting* “He told the children about killing a beautiful, defenseless animal! My daughter was too scared to come into school today because of what she learned.”

Headmaster: “Could you please let him explain?”

(Thankfully, the mother shuts up for a moment, and I am allowed to go on.)

Me: “All I did was explain where different foods come from, such as beef coming from cows, chicken coming from a chicken, and pork coming from pigs. I also explained how milk comes from cows and eggs from chickens, and how fruits come from the trees and vegetables are grown in the ground. I never once told the kids about any murder, or that it was right to kill animals for food. I just told them basic facts.”

Mother: “No child should learn about such horrible things! What kind of school do you think you’re running here?”

Headmaster: “Right; I’ve heard enough now! These are things even you learned in school, which you know for a fact are true. What was it that [My Name] said that upset your daughter so much?”

Mother: “My daughter is too young to know about animals being killed! Frankly, I think the two of you are terrible people for allowing this!”

Me: “Look. I understand where you are coming from here, but these are basic facts your daughter has to learn. She already has enough trouble with the other kids, and I’ve had to talk to several parents already about the other students who pick on her! When she goes to high school, she will learn about history, including violent topics like World War I and World War II. If she goes to [Local Catholic School], she will have to learn about different religious viewpoints, and some biblical stories that will be unsettling, or she might read English books with more mature themes in them. While I appreciate that you want her to grow up in an environment that is pure and untainted, I feel this approach is just setting her back.”

(For the next few minutes, the mother screamed at me and the headmaster that she was “going to have our jobs” before storming out the room. Later that day, she turned up at the house of one of the members on the board of education and made a big scene about wanting us both fired. Apparently, after repeatedly being asked to leave, she only left when the woman threatened to call the cops! The next day, she pulled her child out of the school claiming she was going to homeschool her because this environment was “too provocative.” Tragically, a couple of weeks later, I heard that the mother was arrested for assaulting someone in a supermarket, and full custody was given to the father. A few years ago, I happened to see that little girl with her father and stepmother; she looked like a happy and normal teenage girl, so I’m glad there was a happy ending. We never heard about the mother again.)

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Life Lessons

, , , , , | Hopeless | August 9, 2017

I am a college sophomore. I am back home for winter break so I decide to visit my old high school to catch up with some of my former teachers. There was one teacher in particular who had made an extremely significant mark on my life when I was younger and I am excited to see her. She’s one of those really energetic teachers who jumps on desks and stuff. She’s teaching a class when I show up so I wait for the bell to ring.

As soon as she sees me in the doorway, she actually SCREAMS my last name and sprints across the room to give me a hug. Her next English class starts to filter in, and to my surprise, she skips the lesson and asks me to talk to them about college instead. We have a long and fun lesson where I assure them of the merits of learning MLA and proper writing skills, which pleases the teacher immensely.

After the class we have a long private discussion about life and politics and such, and she gives me some much-needed advice. I was a bit of a rebel in high school and didn’t get very good grades, but now I’m about to graduate college having been on the dean’s list almost every semester and already working in my intended field. It all goes to show what an impact some teachers can have on your life long after you leave their class.

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He Needs To Be Taken Outside And Quartered

, , , , , , | Right | October 1, 2015

(It’s Black Friday and the line has never shortened or ended since we opened.)

Customer: “Hey, I was wondering if you guys sell World of Warcraft subscriptions?”

Me: “Yes, we do. The cards are over there on that carousel. They only come in a two-month pack, though, so it’ll be $29.99. Is that all right?”

Customer: “Oh, yeah, that’s perfect. It means I can get rid of these!”

(At this he takes out a GIGANTIC ziplock bag of quarters and plops it on the counter in front of me. I stare at it in disbelief for a second and look helplessly at my supervisor… but he’s staring helplessly, too. In fact, the rest of my coworkers and most of the Black Friday line are staring.)

Coworker: “You don’t happen to have an alternate form of payment, do you?”

Customer: *cheerfully and blissfully unaware of the several withering glares being sent his way* “Nope!”

(I have no choice but to count out $30 in quarters in the middle of Black Friday. Ten minutes later, after he gets his subscription, picks up his giant ziplock bag, and leaves, the next customer comes up with an aghast look on his face.)

Next Customer: “It’s Black Friday, for f***’s sake! Who DOES that?!”


This story is part of our Black Friday roundup!

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A Refined Approach To Candy

, , , , , | Related | August 7, 2013

(I am working in a candy store. There are a lot of small children, which means a lot of small children fussing, whining, complaining, begging, threatening, and so on. A mother is helping her daughter select candies, and once she finishes, mutters to herself that she might as well get some candy of her own, too. The daughter does not seem to hear this; she only sees her mother starting to put an unwanted candy into the bag.)

Daughter: “Mummy! No, thank you! Mummy, please! I would not like that! MUMMY! No, THANK you! I would not LIKE that, Mummy! Mummy, PLEASE! NO, THANK YOU! I WOULD NOT LIKE THAT! NO, THANK YOU!”

(Politest tantrum ever!)


This story is part of our Kids-In-Candy-Stores roundup!

Read the next Kids-In-Candy-Stores roundup story!

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